Forgot to Remember

Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning

As a creature of habit, Ant woke up at 6am the next morning. As he lay snuggled in the warmth of the blanket, cuddled up close to Dec the conversation he had with Tanja the previous morning came back to him.

***
A: "But there is still a 5 year blank in my head."
T: "You have got back 13 years in a matter of 4 days, maybe by this time tomorrow morning you'll have the last 5 back in there as well"
A: "I hope you're right."

T: "I always am. You can ask Adrian, my words have never proved wrong. I have a gut feeling that tomorrow at this time you'll be home all snuggly and comfortable in your own bed."
A: "Snuggly!"
T: "Yup! All snuggly cuddled up with your favourite teddy bear under your soft blankie."
***

Tanja's words had come true. Just as she had predicted he had woken up at home, lying was lying under his own 'blankie' cuddled up with his 'teddy bear'. He looked at Dec's peaceful sleeping face. Okay, so his boyfriend wasn't a teddy bear but they were cuddled up to each other and he felt elated. He feathered a light kiss on Dec's forehead. It was good to be home. Declan shifted a little in his sleep nuzzling his face in Ant's shoulder and his arm tightened around the younger's waist as if he would never let go of Ant ever again.
As Anthony lay there, looking into the beloved face, he wondered what Dec must have gone through these past 6 days when he thought that Ant was dead. There was now a livid bruise on Dec's forehead caused by the violent punishment he had witnessed Declan inflict on himself in his drunken stupor. Seeing his Declan behaving in such a manner had broken his heart. Till last night he had never really known the madness that can take over a person who had lost the one they loved. Until that moment Ant had never truly realised just how much he meant to Dec.
He had never known that Dec loved him to the extent of such insanity, that it had caused him to inflict injury on himself just so he could cope with the pain in his heart. It was an overwhelming experience for Ant. Questions about love and permanence that had haunted him all week had finally been answered in just that one tiny moment when he had seen a devastated Declan mourning him. He had found his one true love; he had found that someone who was his for life. He traced a tender finger along Declan's eyebrow down his nose and then outlined the soft lips. Declan was His and only His. There were no two ways about it.

He glanced at the dirty sheets and the pillow covers lying in the corner of the room. Dec was a stickler for cleanliness. He remembered the look of disgust on Dec's face when he had first moved into Ant's house. He had scrubbed down each and every surface, starting from the floor up until the whole house was nearly as sterile as a hospital before he had even attempted to move in his things. Dec and cleanliness were inseparable or that's what he had thought, until he had smelt the stinking sheets last night. Declan deserved a massive apology from Ant for that stupid, stupid letter he had dared to write to his Decky. And the apology would have to start right now, beginning with breakfast for him.
As he planned the breakfast menu he tried to slowly slip out from under Dec's arms but his boyfriend's pathetic whimper stilled him. He waited a few minutes then tried again. This time Declan let go of him and turned over to the other side. In his dream Ant was alive and well. They had kissed. Ant had accepted his marriage proposal. He had helped him to bed. Anthony had even changed the sheets so that after almost a week he was lying on fresh sheets again. But it had all been a dream, a beautiful dream. When he opened his eyes he'd be lying in bed all alone and Ant would still be gone. But what if it wasn't just...? What if Ant had really...?
Dec opened his eyes and the bright sunlight blinded him...and the massive hangover made his head throb like there was a ticking bomb inside ready to go off. His arms were stretched out as he laid spread diagonally across the bed and ... he was alone just as he had been the previous five nights. The kiss had all been a figment of his imagination brought on by days of yearning and the large amount of alcohol coursing through his system. Ant was still gone. He turned over onto his stomach and buried his face in Anthony's pillow. He took a deep breath and realised that something felt different. The pillow smelt fresh and there was a strong fragrance of Ant coming from it, as if his boyfriend's head had lain on it all night. Dec smelt the sheets. There was a mingled fragrance of both Ant's and his cologne coming from it.