I feel all the air sucked out of my lungs as her eyes search mine. I stumble back, catching my breathe as my eyes widen. Is this some sick fucking joke? I squeeze my eyes shut, prying them open to see if this is reality. Fuck. She looks taken back, scared, relieved maybe? She's really stood in front of me. It's one thing after another, first Carly and now Kim. It has to be her? But how? She's dead. She's not alive.
"Harr-?" She's real. She's fucking real, this is fucking real. She's stood in front of me, fucking stunning as ever and alive. Her lips slightly part as I step closer to her. I hesitate before bringing my palm to her face. She flinches as we make contact, her skin is warm against my cool touch, her eyes flutter shut just like I remembered. "Wh-at ar-e you doing here?" She stutters, I bring my hand away from her face. A small smile falls on her plump lips, those lips that make me shudder.
I stay silent. It's all too much. She's not meant to be alive, she can't be alive. I saw her, I saw her there. Lifeless. Completely lifeless. I had been so sure that on that night was the last time I was going to see her piercing eyes, hazel coloured eyes. Her dark long hair is curled, just like it used to be. She's gotten taller, only slightly but taller. I can't help but take in all of her, every inch of her has changed in the past year. Not how I imagined either.
"Say something." Her fingers wrap around my wrist, I'm speechless. I can't process anything other than the fact the girl I loved, the only girl who completely spun my world around, the only girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But now I have Carly. Innocent, troubled, perfect Carly. My Carly, as each day passes I grow more in love with her.
"I hope you keep well, and safe. Look after yourself." I pry her fingers from my wrist, lightly squeezing her hand. This isn't how I wanted this to happen. It's beyond anything I'd of ever of said to her. It's like when you day dream, you know when day dream about when you die and you can't help but think about the afterlife. I wouldn't ever see her, I'm destined for hell, she's destined for heaven. But you can't help but wish to see you loved one, Kim I imagined spending all my time with her in the afterlife, kissing her for all the years I spent without her, telling her how much I love her, holding her forever. But that's not reality, running back to her isn't my reality. It was once mine, she was my safe haven. Not now, not ever. I can't just forget all the pain she put me through after her suicide. I can never forgive her for this. I won't allow myself to forgive her.
"But-"
"I need to get going. Good-bye Kimberly." I pull her in for a hug, engulfing her usual scent. After all this time she still wears the same perfume I brought. I release her from the hug, jogging lightly back to the car. I raise my fists against the window, knocking it. The door unlocks and I jump in the back seat.
"Wait, where's Lou? Carly?" She mutters, switching on the back light. I keep my head down. I thought Louis would have been back, with Carly. I gave them both enough time to get the hell out of there. But Kimberly. She's alive, and I don't know how I feel. Mixed emotions, shocked, angry, upset, relieved, like I'm about to explode. "Harry?"
"I don't fucking know." I ball. She gasps, her hand is brought up to her mouth. She's quick to shuffle in her seat, keeping her gaze ahead of me.
I say nothing more before jumping back out the car. Why was Kim there? What has my father got to offer her? What is he hiding? Why is she there? Why? Why is Carly there?
All these fucking questions, and no one to answer them. I should have fucking kidnapped Kim. I should have. Then I should have gone back to get Carly. Then I should have fucking tortured my father. I tug up my hood, picking up my pace. I need a drink, I need to get completely wasted, I need to forget about all of this.
I stumble outside the bar, pushing open the door. The smell of sex, sweat and stale alcohol fills my senses. See, I'm already forgetting about Kim. And Carly. Or not. I wish I could fucking switch my mind off, stop thinking for once. I sit myself at my usual seat, tapping the bar.
