"What is it?" He brings the stray hair behind my ear. I'm not ready for this, to give myself to him. I don't want it to be just a shag to him, I know how this is going to go. I can't stay here, it's going to be a shag and then I'll leave. I want to actually spend the night after we make love. I want it to be special, not in a house full of drugs and alcohol.
"Babe?" He nudges me, I sit down next to him watching as he stares back at me.
"I can't do this" I look at him, "I can't stay here, I'm not ready" He brings his hand to my cheek slowly soothing my heated skin.
"That's fine, we don't have to do anything you don't want to" He smiles. "Of course I want to, fuck I do." He chuckles slightly.
"I'm sorry" I look back at him, his pupils are large and his eyes are puffy. Drugs, he's taken a lot of drugs. He probably won't even remember me being here.
"No, I don't want to hear you say that" He wraps his arm around me, squeezing me.
I nod into his chest. "Can I borrow your phone?" He pulls me away handing me his phone. Zayn, I need to ring him to tell him to come and pick me up. I can't stay here, it will be my last and final strike with my mother.
"Who are you calling" I bring the phone to my ear, hushing him with my finger.
It rings a few times. "Harry, is she there?" He sounds worried, terrified and stressed.
"It's me. I need you to come and pick me up" He sighs in relief.
"You had me worried sick. I'll be there in 10 minutes" He cuts the call. I know full well he'll ball and shout at me in the car.
"Was that him?" I hand Harry his phone back. I nod, this is when his mood drastically changes. "Why are you phoning him?" Told you so.
Run, run before he can cuss at you because that's what he's going to be doing any minute now. "Because I have no way of getting home" I sigh.
"I'd of took you back there. You should have asked me" His voice softening, his hand pressed frimly against my cheek, if any of them notice im gone and return with Harry, he'll surely never be allowed back.
"I know, I just cant afford for you to get into any more trouble." I smile, shifting myself onto his lap. He slowly nods nudging his head into the crook of my neck.
"When will I see you again" Will I see him again, soon? Will I even be allowed out the car park, if I carry on the way I am I sure as hell wont be allowed anywhere. I shrug my shoulders, "I cant not see you" I couldn't agree more, his fingers trail through my hair. "You don't like Zayn do you?" What? Why is he even questioning me on this?
I shake my head. I don't trust my words enough to speak an answer.
"Say it" He looks back at me. Shit.
"No" I try my best to blink back the slight tears. I don't like Zayn the way I like Harry. I see Zayn as a friend, someone who's there for me no matter what. Harry, I see myself being with him. In a few years time, were finally out of this place, better and together. We move out of Seattle, I like New York or even California and were happy. We buy a small apartment, nothing too fancy and we shop for furniture and silly things that hint our relationship. I see me being finally happy, no bullshit fake smiles. Happy, with him.
"What could you possibly see in me?" Is he doubting me? I hope not, I sure as wouldn't of made my way here to see him. I wouldn't have risked everything to see him if I didn't feel something for him. Is he afraid that soon I'm going to leave him, no not suicide but leave the ward and not return.
"Certainly things you cannot see within yourself" I place a small kiss on his puffed lips. He only sees the bad within him, it's saddening really because I know deep down behind all this pain that there is a good person who needs to be brought out.
