BY DEMARCO'S STANDARDS (Part 5)

My Shrine

"Cupcake I finally got him tonight. You know the man I told you about, the one that had been trying to take my business. I busted up in his best club soon as the clock struck twelve and bam, he is no more"

I was leaned against Samantha's marble headstone. I came here right after I left the club, which isn't unusual because I visit my wife everyday. It's been around two year's since my world was shattered and Sam faded from this world. Two long year's of living with it everyday.

Soon as I wake the first thing I see is her eye's looking up at me with indescribable fear as the bullet hit. Then I watched as the life filtered out of her once vibrant eye's. Not only do I live with the pain of losing her, I live with the pain and guilt of knowing I didn't save her. I always told her I'd keep her safe, nothing would ever harm her, yet I failed her miserably. I often wondered what her last thoughts  were as she looked into my eye's. Did she blame me? Did she feel much pain? Yes, these are the demons I live with everyday. But my dreams, my dreams are so nice. Sam is here and smiling. We dance and laugh and make love. Shaking the visions from my head, I swiped the tears from my face and stood. Looking down at her stone I said.

"Well the New Year is here cupcake and I wish you was too. I better get home now". I stopped as a sob broke through my voice. Taking a deep breath I tried to control it and spoke in a very broken voice. "God I miss you Sam. I'd give anything to hold you again. I'm so sorry baby, I'm sorry I let you down". I bent and placed a kiss to her stone. "See ya tommorw cupcake, I love you".

Walking with my head down, I hopped on my bike and took off into the cold, foggy night. Breaking the speed limit, I zoomed in and out of traffic. I lived life on the edge now, carelessly. Not caring if I died. At least I'd be reunited with my love. Swinging my bike into the parking garage, I swung my helmet off and entered my building. Instead of joining the New Year's festivities occurring at the Den I went on to my apartment.

It was six month's after Sam's death before I stepped foot back in here. Everything is exactly how she left it. Her belongings everywhere. I added tons of pictures of her. No matter which way you turn, she can be seen. Her orange pajama bottoms still hang on the bedroom chair, her clothes in the closet. Occasionally I spritz her perfume just to smell her. This is my shrine, my temple, my home with Sam.

I don't allow my family or anyone for that matter to visit me. I can't face their stares, questions or the advice they would offer at seeing home. I even fired the maid for moving Sam's earbuds out of the way to dust her nightstand. Everything had to stay as she left it. Fuck, maybe I'm crazy but this is how I cope. Grieving comes with no instructions or time limits.

The one thing I do know is there will never be another. I could never possibly love someone the way I loved Sam. She is the one who taught me what love was, who made me want to be a better man and stop all my wild ways. Samantha settled my ass down. I haven't so much as glanced at another female. Besides even if I could love again I wouldn't. I can't face another Sam situation. I can't love someone to lose them to my lifestyle. I will never put another person at risk by them being associated with me.

I stripped from my suit, grabbed a bottle of liqueur and plopped down on the couch watching the late news. Yep, just me and the bottle, that's the only help I need. I spent most my night's just like this, on my couch drinking myself into a stupor.

I awoke the next morning stiff from passing out on the couch but I never slept in my bed anymore. Going to take a piss, I checked my phone for any messages. Of course numb nut Cole had left a message but I ignored it. Had it been urgent he would've pounded on my door. Probably just wanted to know why I didn't join the party. As if I needed to explain why. Instead, I went to my kitchen and opened my fridge. A half empty carton of milk and a moldy old sandwich stared back at me. Looking further, I spied my leftover pizza and grabbed it. Leaning against the counter, I gobbled it down cold and headed off to shower. My next ritual was my morning workout. Everyday I beat myself up in the gym. Getting ready to head down I grabbed my suit jacket from last night. I rummaged through the pockets looking for my wallet when I felt something odd. Gripping it, I pulled it free and saw the phone that I took from that crazy girl last night. Flipping it on, I saw a picture of her with the ugliest cat I'd ever seen as her screen savior. That explains it, she's the crazy cat lady. Tossing it down on the table, I felt no need to investigate her just yet if ever. Don't think much harm can come from her.

However, I did find it odd that I didn't waste her last night for trying to record my ass. It was something about the way she looked up at me with those big blue eye's so innocent, so pure. Something in those eye's reminded me of my cupcake even though her eye's were green. Then the way she spoke up to me, the same
way Sam did when I hunted her down. Not just that but we shared the same tat and how that is possible I don't know. Pain made me, yes it did and obviously this girl had seen her share of bad time's too so why kill her.

I hit the gym hard and as I ran on the treadmill I flicked the t.v. on to catch the morning news just to see what the cop's were saying about the club shooting. As they were going over the events and listing the death's they stated that the cop's had spoken to an eye witness. Her face popped on the screen and the interviewer introduced her as attorney Ivy Martin. She looked very different today than she did last night. Last night she was little Miss party girl, today she was dressed in business attire. Her hair was  pulled back into a slick ponytail and her make-up more professional than glitzy. "Miss Martain, was you shaken up duiring the attack" the reporter asked.

Ivy grinned and spoke very matter of factly. "Not in the least. I've faced far scarier scum in the courtrooms and put every single one of them away. This one is no different. It's only a matter of time before  he and his accomplice is brought in." She paused and looked directly into the camera with a smile. "I'll enjoy personally putting this one behind bars. It isn't business anymore, it's personal".

The reporter's shouted out several more questions but she declined and rushed into her workplace. Fuck, I thought slinging my towel down just as my phone buzzed. "Yea" I answered gruffly.

Cole snickered on the other end. "Hello scum".

"Fuck off. You saw that shit too?"

"Yep. Bitch is on you like a car bonnet" Cole chuckled.

"Yea, she's going to be a problem after all".

We disconnected and I went back to my pad to search her phone. In seconds I had it cracked but she was smart. She had no address in the info. I scanned her photos, why I don't know but for the first time in two year's I noticed another woman. Gazing at her selfies I thought how pretty she was. Flipping through more photos I came across a picture of her only in panties and stared. One thing can be said, Ivy definitely had a body on her.

I felt myself grow hard and slung the phone away as if it had burnt me. I felt dirty and like I had cheated on Sam. What the hell is wrong with me? Instantly I knew I needed to kill Ivy for more reasons than one. One thing to keep in mind is that Ivy can be poisonous.