30 Day Letter Challenge

7. Your Ex-Boyfriend

Corey,

You'll probably hate me for this if ever in your life you see it but frankly I don't give a shit.

I won't lie to you now. In the past, when we were together, I had to. It was important, top save myself, to lie to you. I made mistakes in our relationship. I can admit that now, in hindsight. I let you get away with far too much, I was so trusting and naïve. But I would never have done the things you did. I'm not that cruel or vile or mean. There were times when I was broken and beaten on the floor, or huddled into the corner crying my eyes out, begging you to stop and you never did.

I let you do that to me. I let you blackmail me the way you did, isolate me, keep me away from friends and family and in the end, I never fought for the truth about what you did to me because what does it matter? I know the majority of it was to push me away, because you didn't think you were good enough. You probably hated yourself, or something else in your life and when I moved in with you, I was your punching bag. I can accept and forgive myself now for it. I was young, I thought I was in love. I know now that what we had wasn't love, not even close to it. I was stupid and blind. I should have left the first time you hit me. Should have run and never looked back. But I thought it was a mistake. I didn't think you'd do it again. I was a fool.

I regret that you hurt me so much. And more than once. I hate you for that. I hate myself for letting you do that.

Our daughter is beautiful. Not that you'd know. You haven't seen her since before her first birthday. Haven't even asked about her. It makes me so angry. But I'm relieved. I'm relieved that you won't ever have the chance to hurt her. I'm angry that you couldn't be bothered to prove you could love her. She's got such a gorgeous smile. Everyday she makes me laugh and I cannot imagine how any of her kindness and soul is related to you. I'm so bloody proud of raising her, by myself, with my family and friends behind and I can truly say that I am thankful that you gave her to me, and gave up your role in her life. She is more loved than you will ever know.

Bethany.

xo