MORE THAN I FEEL INSIDE

VIII

INIHIMPIL ni Gabriel ang sasakyan sa harap ng bahay nila. Bumaling siya kay Althea at nakitang nakapikit ito. Nakatulog pala ito sa biyahe. Napakunot-noo siya nang makitang may butil ng luhang pumatak mula sa kaliwang mata nito.

Crying in her sleep? Why?

He suddenly felt guilty.

Tila may sariling pag-iisip ang kamay niya dahil dahan-dahang umangat iyon at pinahid ang luha nito. He also couldn't help but touch her soft face.

Hindi na niya nagawang ilayo ang paningin dito. She looked enchanting and vulnerable in her sleep, like a baby that needed to be taken care of. A strange emotion suddenly enveloped him. Well, this was not really strange to him. He had felt this way for her in the past.

What was she dreaming about? Was she having a nightmare, was that why she was crying?

Wait, why did he even care?

Tila napasong binawi niya ang kanyang kamay.

He was supposed to be angry at her. He couldn't just turn softhearted because of her fragile looks. Mapanlinlang ang mukha nito. She was a scheming gold digger.

Why didn't she refuse their arranged marriage? She even looked like she willingly agreed to their parents' plans. Ano pa ba ang ibang magiging dahilan ng pagpayag nito kundi ang pera ng pamilya niya? Oo nga at hindi naman ito mahirap ngunit higit na mayaman at makapangyarihan ang pamilya nila.

Ngunit tuwing titingnan niya ang mga mata nito, tila iyon nagbabadya ng iba pang dahilan. Kung anuman iyon ay ayaw na niyang alamin.

Ipinilig niya ang kanyang ulo upang palisin ang ibang bagay na nais pumasok sa isip niya. Focus, Gabriel, focus. Don't be fooled by her.

Binuksan niya ang pinto ng kotse at umibis. Sinadya niyang pabalyang isara ang pinto upang magising si Althea.

NAALIMPUNGATAN si Althea nang maramdaman niya ang malakas na pagsara ng pinto ng kotse. Dumilat siya at nakita si Gabriel na papasok na sa loob ng bahay nila. Her cheeks were wet with tears. Agad na pinahid niya ang kanyang mga luha at sumunod sa kanyang asawa.

Alas-kuwatro na ng madaling-araw kaya siguradong tulog pa ang mga kasambahay. Narinig niyang may bahagyang ingay na nagmumula sa bar. Nagtungo siya roon.

Gaya ng inaasahan niya, naroon si Gabriel at nagpapakalunod sa alak. Nagkasya na lamang siya sa pagmamasid dito.

He looked like a total mess. Nakasubsob ang mukha nito sa counter. Wala na sa tamang lugar ang necktie nito, gayundin ang suit nito. His untamed hair even looked messier.

Her heart went out to him. It always did.

Hindi niya napigilan ang kanyang sarili at nilapitan ito. She could see half of his face. He looked so peaceful and serene. He was so near yet so far. Gustong-gusto niyang haplusin ang mukha nito ngunit nag-aalala siyang baka magising ito.

Hindi niya alam kung gaano niya ito katagal na tinitigan. As if in a trance, she raised her hand to touch him. But he suddenly woke up. Nahigit niya ang kanyang hininga at ibinaba ang kanyang kamay sa tagiliran niya. She swallowed the lump on her throat.

Matamang tinitigan siya nito. As usual, there was hate in his eyes.

Napamulat siya nang hawakan siya nito sa baba at puwersahan siyang patingalain dito. "I'm glad. Tama 'yan, matakot ka. That's the least you can do for trapping me into this marriage." Pagkatapos ay itinulak siya nito at pasuray-suray na naglakad palayo.

Stupid as it seemed, nagmamadaling sinundan niya ito. Nag-aalala siya na baka mahulog ito sa hagdan.

"Gabriel!" Napatakbo siya rito upang daluhan ito nang makitang tama nga ang hinala niya. She used all her strength to carry him upstairs to their bedroom. Akmang ihihiga na niya ito sa kama nang bigla siyang hilahin nito. She fell on top of him.

She look into his eyes and saw fire in them. But it was not the kind of fire she usually saw in his eyes. It was something like... hunger?

Kinabig siya nito sa batok at hinalikan siya sa mga labi. She froze. It was the first time he kissed her without any trace of violence or urgency.

She couldn't react properly because of the shattering kiss. He kissed her passionately... coaxing her to respond.

Ganoon nga ang kanyang ginawa. Slowly... hesitantly, she answered his kisses.

She felt his hands all over her. They were both fully clothed but she felt like she was burning. She could feel his intensed heat.

His hands were on her breasts, caressing them softly. They shifted positions after awhile. She was now under him. Hindi na niya halos namalayang nagawa na nitong tanggalin ang suot niyang gown. Meanwhile, her hands frantically unbuttoned his top.

She continued to undress him as he explored her body. He buried his face against her chest and kissed each peak.

Ibinaba nito hanggang sa baywang niya ang gown niya habang nagawa naman niyang hubaran ito.

She had never felt that kind of hunger before. Noon lamang nangyari ang ganoon sa kanya. In their three years of marriage, he had never made love to her like this.

Tears fell down her face when she reached her climax. Alam niyang sabay nilang narating ang walang kahulilip na kaligayahan.

Nakaunan ito sa dibdib niya. It was a dream came true for her. Her tears were falling but she was also smiling. Now she believed that love really made people go crazy.

She felt him move and murmur something. Humigpit din ang pagkakayakap nito sa kanya. Hinagod-hagod niya ang buhok nito nang matigilan siya.

"Genie... Genie..." umuungol na sambit nito. "I'm sorry, Genie..."

She cried even harder. Tila siya nabingi sa mga narinig. He thought that the woman he made love to was Genevieve.

Bumangon siya. She couldn't control the sobs. Binalot niya ang katawan niya ng kumot. Her hopes were crushed, her dreams shattered. Tila siya boteng nabasag na ay dinurog pa nang pino pagkatapos.

Muli nitong binanggit nang paulit-ulit ang pangalan ng dating kasintahan. Hindi na niya iyon nakayanan. Tumakbo siya palabas sa veranda. Sumubsob siya sa couch doon. Umiyak siya nang umiyak.

Loving Gabriel was really painful.

Sa loob ng napakahabang panahon ay wala siyang ibang minahal kundi ito lamang. Kasalanan ba niya kung umibig siya rito?

Marahil ay isang kasalanan nga iyon. Kasalanan niya dahil hinayaan niya ang sarili na mahulog dito. Since she met him she lost her identity. His existence became her existence.

It wasn't his fault, it was hers. Ipinagpilitan niya ang kanyang sarili rito. She didn't accept the fact that some things were not meant to be. The two of them were not meant to be but she defied fate.

Tama lang iyon sa kanya. She deserved it.

She looked up at the sky. Halos hindi niya maaninag ang mga bituin dahil hilam sa luha ang kanyang mga mata.