MORE THAN I FEEL INSIDE

XVIII

"MAHAL ko ang anak natin. But I can't lose you."

Nanigas si Althea sa sinabi ni Gabriel, kapagkuwan ay kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap dito. She could see frustration and confusion in his face.

"Doctor Estanislao told me everything. Why did you lie to me?"

Napayuko siya. "How can I say it?"

"Yeah. How can you say it to a monster like me?" He shook his head, and then he held her hands. "Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gagawin."

Now it was her turn to shake her head. "You don't have to do anything."

He kissed her hands. "I don't want to let you go. I can't." Tears were starting to form his eyes again.

Bahagyang tumigas ang anyo niya. "I'm not letting go of our child, either." Halos matanggal ang ulo niya sa pag-iling.

Pinagdikit nito ang mga noo nila. "I know. I know, baby. And I love you more for that. I love you both. You and our child are the most beautiful things that have ever happened to me."

They did not let go of each other's hands. She just couldn't say it but she couldn't let go of him, too. She felt like screaming. Life was unfair.

Puwede na sila ni Gabriel ngayon dahil mahal na rin siya nito. Ngunit hindi niya magagawang isakripisyo ang buhay ng sarili niyang anak para lamang sa pansarili niyang kaligayahan. Sana ay tumigil ang oras sa pagtakbo. Hawak niya ang kamay ni Gabriel nang mahigpit na tila ba makakaya niyong pigilin ang oras.

"Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari pero hawak mo na ngayon ang buhay ko." Iniangat nito ang kamay niya. "Hawak na ng mga kamay na ito ang buong pagkatao ko."

Siya na ang kusang yumakap dito. Nahiling niyang sana ay may paraan pa. Kung sana lang...

ALTHEA was at the veranda, enjoying the evening air.She couldn't think straight. Mabuti na lang at tila balsamong humahaplos sa bawat himaymay ng kaluluwa niya ang malamig na hanging panggabi. Nevertheless, uncertainty filled her heart.

Hindi tama na ipakita niya kay Gabriel kung gaano niya ito kamahal. Limang buwan na ang nasa sinapupunan niya. Ibig sabihin ay apat na buwan na lang ang ilalagi niya sa piling nito. And showing him her love would be selfishness on her part. Iiwan din niya ito. Ang dapat niyang gawin ay sanayin ito ng wala siya.

It was the painful truth. She would die in four months' time and they couldn't do anything about it. It was better for them to get used to that fact now. She had to.

Mayamaya ay may yumakap na mga braso sa kanya mula sa likuran. Wala namang ibang yayakap sa kanya kundi si Gabriel.

He buried his face against her shoulder and inhaled her scent. She closed her eyes. How could she think of ways to be apart from him if he was this close?

"Promise me, we will never give up, " anito.

Nagsisimula na namang manikip ang dibdib niya. She closed her eyes and savored the moment. This moment would stay in her mind and in her heart forever.

Napadilat siya nang bumitiw ito sa kanya at marahan siyang ipihit paharap dito. She tried to look away but he cupped her face and capture her gaze. She was drowning in his eyes. Walang ibang masasalamin sa mga mata nito kundi sinseridad at determinasyon.

"Promise me, we won't give up. We won't let fate overcome us. We will fight for our love no matter what. Mabubuhay kayo ng anak natin. That, I promise you."

"Gab, I'm gonna die."

"No, don't say that. I'll be damned if I'm going to let you die without doing anything. You will live, and don't you ever say that you're gonna die." Tumigas nang bahagya ang anyo nito at muling napuno ng determinasyon.

"Gabriel..." Muling dumaloy ang kanyang mga luha.

"We're going to talk to Doctor Estanislao tomorrow. We'll take whatever chances we've got, gaano man kaliit iyon. If she turns us down, then we're going to ask for a second opinion. We can have the best doctors in the country or even abroad." He was crying now. Higit pa marahil sa ginagawa niyang pag-iyak.

She believed him. She had all the reasons in the world to give up, but his eyes told her a different story. His eyes gave her so much hope.

Kung hindi lang sana sinabi ni Gabriel na mahal siya nito ay hindi sana magiging komplikado ang lahat. She would die peacefully and contentedly. Pero ngayon? Ngayong alam na niya na mahal siya nito ay hindi niya maiwasang umasa.

She wanted to live. She didn't want to leave him and their child. She wanted to be with them. Just like what he told her, they would take whatever chances they've got.

"I love you, Gabriel, and I will fight for our family, no matter what. Hindi ko kayo iiwan ng anak natin." Nakangiti siya kahit tuloy-tuloy sa pagtulo ang mga luha niya.

He brought her close to his chest. "I love you, too, and I'm not letting go of you."

Hope springs eternal. Now she believed in that. Hindi rin posible dati na mahalin siya ni Gabriel ngunit nagkatotoo iyon.

Noon ay walang dahilan para lumaban siya. But it was a different story now. Magkasama nilang lalabanan at haharapin ang lahat.

Note: Malapit na po tayo sa dulo. Kapit lang mga bes. Thank you nga po pala sa pagbabasa! J