MORE THAN I FEEL INSIDE

XX

ALTHEA'S eyelids felt so heavy she couldn't open them immediately. She heard noises around her. Familiar voices.

Pinilit niyang imulat ang kanyang mga mata. Ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Gabriel ang una niyang nasilayan. He laced his fingers around hers. She could see tears in his eyes. Ang sumunod na nakita niya ay ang nag-aalalang mukha ng mga magulang nila.

She automatically touched her tummy. Then her eyes went to Gabriel again.

"The baby's fine," pagbibigay-assurance nito na tila nabasa ang nasa isip niya.

Nakahinga siya nang maluwag.

"Althea, anak, bakit hindi ninyo sinabi?" tanong ng mama niya. Her mother's face was full of worry. Halata rin na galing ito sa pag-iyak at ngayon ay tila maiiyak na naman ito.

Tila pigil na pigil naman ng kanyang ama ang emosyon nito. Although she could see anger in his eyes. Pag-aalala at panlulumo naman ang mababakas sa mga mukha ng mga biyenan niya.

"Why didn't you tell us, son?" tanong ng father-in-law niya.

Hindi nakaimik si Gabriel.

"You should have told us earlier. We could have done something about it," sabi ni Mommy Ivy.

"You almost had an attack a while ago. You shouldn't have worn yourself out," anang mama niya na napahagulhol na nang tuluyan. "We thought you'd been healed of that disease..."

Agad na hinila ng papa niya ang kanyang mama. Sumubsob ang mama niya sa dibdib ng papa niya at doon na rin tuluyang napaluha ang papa niya.

"Did you do it on purpose, Gabriel?" matalim ang boses na tanong dito ng mommy nito.

She could see hurt in Gab's eyes and she was instantly hurt, too. She couldn't afford to see him hurt, especially if he was not the only one to be blamed.

"It is my entire fault," she bravely said to everyone. "I did not tell Gabriel about the risks involved in my pregnancy. Hindi ko rin kaagad iyon nalaman. He isn't the one to blame. Nagdesisyon ako nang hindi hinihingi ang opinyon niya," paliwanag niya. "At kahit pa nalaman niya o ninuman, hindi pa rin magbabago ang desisyon ko. Bubuhayin ko pa rin ang bata at mas pipiliin ko pa rin ang buhay niya kaysa sa sarili kong buhay. Kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, mahal ko ang batang ito. I would risk my own life for his life."

MALALIM na ang gabi ngunit hindi pa rin makatulog si Althea. Tulad ng dati ay pinagpalipas na nila ng gabi roon ang mga magulang nila. Hindi na nila muling pinag-usapan ang tungkol sa kalagayan niya. Naunawaan na rin marahil ng mga ito kung ano ang nararamdaman niya.

Gabriel went downstairs to get her a glass of milk. She was sitting on the Lazy-boy na nakaharap sa veranda. Binuksan niya ang glass panel upang matanaw niya ang kalangitan. The skies were full of stars. And starry nights were supposed to be a beautiful sight that could soothe a gloomy feeling. But they were of no use to her right now.

She suddenly felt she was crying. Pinapahid niya iyon nang maramdaman ang mga kamay ni Gabriel sa balikat niya. She pulled him closer to her. Bahagya siyang umisod at pinaupo ito sa tabi niya. Pinasandig naman siya nito sa dibdib nito.

"I have a good idea, babe," anito kapagkuwan.

"What is it?"

"Let's think of a name of our baby."

She smiled. "That's a good idea. Well, if it's a baby boy, I want to name it after you. He would be Gabriel Vasquez, Junior."

He laughed. "Really? Okay then if it's a girl, I will name it after you. I'm pretty sure she will be as beautiful as you are."