TOXIC ~ STEVE ROGERS [1]

Chapter Thirty-Five

I stood before him, his brilliant eyes piercing mine.
But I didn't let them seduce me, not this time.

His muzzle was gone, his wide mouth stretched into a smile. I'd requested it be taken off. I wanted him to respond to what I was going to say.

I'd thought a lot about what I would say if I got this opportunity. Would I scream at him? Would I speak softly, dangerous and low? Or would I be emotionless, a robot?

Everything I had wanted to say slipped my mind once I saw him.

"Have you come to gloat, Keight? To relish in your victory?" Loki taunted me with his smooth voice. But I would not be tempted this time. I would not be entranced like a silly lovesick girl.

I was stronger now.

"No, Loki. I haven't come to gloat," I circled the electric force field cell he sat in. Shackles hung tightly to his pale wrists.

"Then why are you here?" He spat, his long hair tangled around his face.

I took a deep breath.

"I wanted to tell you I understand. And I'm sorry." Across the room, Thor shifted on his feet and screwed up his handsome face in confusion.

Loki looked even more confused.

"You...what?" He exclaimed. I continued to look him in the eyes.

"Let me explain. You and I, Loki, are very nearly the same. Astonishing, I know," I paced the length of the room.
"We are nothing alike," Loki said, but not angrily. He was curious, wondering what in the universe I was thinking.

"We are both Asgardian, yes?" I looked down and smiled, and waved my hand in the air. "But that's not much, really. You see, when you got into my head, you unwilling have me a glimpse into yours. What really makes us the same is.... Daddy Issues."

Now that got his attention. And he was speechless. I continued.

"You see my father, he always wanted more from me than I could give. He favoured my other siblings over me, because, well, to be blunt, they were dark skinned and I was not." I glanced up at the camera in the corner of the room, where I knew Fury and probably Natasha would be watching.

Loki opened his mouth to say something, but nothing but air came out.

"What did you do?" Thor asked the question for him, and Loki waited for the answer.

"I started into the only life I knew. Crime."

Lies.

"I smuggled weapons across the borders into other parts of Africa, and when my father told me he was disappointed in me, I decided to leave it all behind."

Nasty, nasty lies.

"I wanted to be equal to my siblings. But you know what? I already was. I just didn't know it."

Hypocrite. Liar.

Loki was looking at me as if in a different light. His eyes no longer gleamed, but looked dull and lifeless, filled with sadness. I had a sudden realization.

The Tessaract had had a hold on Loki too. It wasn't all him. It made the good great, and the bad worse. Loki wasn't all evil. I could see that now. He was a lost, broken little boy who needed a father, and didn't have one.

I thought I hated him, but I was wrong. I wanted to help him, desperately wanted to help this man who had no one.

But I knew I couldn't help him without him first helping himself.

"Don't waste your time looking for recognition from your father. Learn to love yourself like Thor loves you. Like your mother loves you."

I took a wild chance mentioning his mother. I didn't know what the relationship was between them, but when Loki smiled slightly and looked down, I knew my gamble had paid off.
"This doesn't mean I'm not angry Loki. This doesn't mean I wouldn't still kill you if I could. But I'm telling you what I learnt. And if you choose not to listen, that's your problem. But don't ever come to Earth again. I'll know."

I was already walking to the door of the room, hiding my trembling hands when Loki spoke.

"You may be beautiful and powerful Keight, but I don't need you help," he tried to sound harsh, but his voice trembled ever so slightly. 

I turned and looked at Loki one last time.

"Every word you just said is wrong Loki. I am neither of those things. And you do need help. But let it come from your brother. I am nothing."

And with that, giving Loki once last glance, I exited the room, and left the tall, handsome god behind and walked into the arms of a soldier.