drama club {boyxboy} {willxnico}

You're My Best Friend

a/n: PLEASE READ. i got a warning for this: suicidal thoughts and mentions of child abuse. I got a few notes to say.
there is a bit of spoiler but oh well,
The chapters will alternate between Nico and Will's povs.
half of this chapter will start out in the past- three years ago. These were his emotions in that time, as if he were visiting every emotion so it will seem as thought it is present time. buttttt,, he will make it known when it actually is present time. It's kind of intense, bbuttt later you will see some light hearted ness. 💓💓💓💘💘💘. enjoyyy
anyway ooooooffff here we go:

//////

you're the best friend that I ever had

I've been with you such a long time

You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you

///////

    to you,
my feet were in the running stream of the river, surprised by the current not taking me along with it. i turned my head and saw you, a scarf around your neck that i had made for you with my grandma. my grandma always liked you, she always saw a relationship blooming between us. even before me. before you.

but we still hung out at the docks, where all of our friends hung out. nothing could tear us apart. nothing except your mind.

when you were running to me, your scarf began to melt and it turned to butterflies with the same lilac on it's wings. and then suddenly, in a flash, your arm was outreached towards me and i tried to grab it. but then, your arm vanished and turned into butterflies too, and then your torso, your legs, and your face, all butterflies of different colors.

they flew away at the same rapid process, up into the clouds. and just like that, you were gone.

you had left me and it was my fault. i could've grabbed your hand and helped you but i was reaching too slow. i should've been faster. and i'm sorry.

-your best friend, Will Solace, 2014.

I used to write in that journal every night but the more I did, the more good memories finally seemed poisoned by the way my best friend left himself-how he left me, his mom, and his little sister.

I wish I could erase the ending and type a happily ever after in his place. I could believe he went to a better place, but I thought nothing could be better when we kissed. It was a kiss that seemed to illuminate the sky with fireworks that weren't loud but just plainly mesmerizing.

And we had something, towards the end. We were at the bridge, sitting in front of the waves coming towards us and I looked at him, he looked at me, and in that moment I was so oblivious to what he was trying to tell me.

The look in his eyes, the shadow crossing his face and chiseled jaw, he was there. And we kissed again, and I wanted to stay there, watching the sun rise and just ready to hold him and tell him, "you're my best friend and you're gonna be just fine."

But I didn't, and he left, and he shot himself that night.

So what was my worth? My worth is nothing more than letting someone die when I could've stopped it. Well, I could have, couldn't I? Am I going to Hell for taking part in your death?

It seems as though I've wasted yet another hour wishing. Wishing on passing planes or even, yes, even a passing car on the busy highway. Maybe I could stand in front of a car and maybe one wish would come true.

Would I ever do it?

Days like these when I'm sitting on my front porch, nothing but my own coat bringing in warmth, goosebumps covering me from head to toe, and I had finished writing yet another diary entry to him, I think that maybe the cold air is whispering to leave. I'd been out there for at least two hours thinking about it. I decided that I would and I walked inside my house, and grab my keys. I would visit the bridge one more time that night, one last time.