drama club {boyxboy} {willxnico}

Perico

He's distant.
Distant, distant, distant. Creating a lump in my throat.
And I can feel it. I can feel the end approaching soon and I don't understand. He's going to break up with me soon and it's not fair. He's the only one I've ever loved like this and I can feel him drifting out of love with me. Our sex is still amazing, but it feels like every time we see each other we don't want to talk. We just want to fuck and cuddle and kiss and do physical things. We used to be emotional, talk about everything.
Climbing a mountain is fun because you know there's a reward at the top. The beauty of the peak, seeing the big world through small pupils. Then you travel down, and the distance is agonizing, because you're being sent down to reality, down to the dull place where the demons of the ground reside. You know there's no reward, and us as humans do everything for reward.
Even if nobody is looking, we do good things to reward ourselves. To make ourselves feel better personally, and sometimes, hope God is watching or whoever is always judging us that we can't see. And we do good things for good feelings and we do good things for religion for a reward when we die.
Do you know what I mean?

I looked at the computer screen, the scan lines glistening off. My eyes squinted at the words on the screen and I felt suddenly guilty. I pushed down my laptop and set it down on my end table, sitting restless on my bed. The shower from my bathroom stopped and Nico came out, a towel around his waist, patting his face dry with another towel. "Are you okay?" He asked and I looked him up, not even managing a fake smile.

"Tired," I replied dully. He got into bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I looked at him, his porcelain skin resting on my chest. Why doesn't it feel the same?

"Me too," he said. His phone buzzed three times. I picked it up for him and caught a glimpse of his home screen.

Percy 8:19 AM
are u mad at me??
Percy 8:19 AM
can we talk about what happened?
Percy 8:18 AM
i know u don't want to talk to me and that's ok but i rlly need to...

Nico snatched the phone out of my hand and quickly swiped his notifications out of the way. "Sorry," he said, and laid back down as if nothing happened. I could feel a weight in my stomach.

"It's fine," I lied under my breath and turned, facing the wall.

—

Drama club was basically a free period of us just hanging out in the auditorium. I was apart of the total 3 people who were cleaning up the sets, Percy, me, and Magnus, and every now and then I would look out to see Nico, talking in a group of people, soon to erupt into laughter.

I was sorting through the wigs when I heard someone walk up behind me. I turned abruptly and saw Percy standing there.

He was tearing up, his face sunken in. "Will, I'm so sorry. I was drunk and I was...not in the right headspace and I was hurt. I didn't mean to hurt you or Nico."

The weight in my stomach was punching me, my eye twitching. "What do you mean, Percy?"

His eyes widened. "Oh. He didn't tell you."

"Tell me—" my voice cracked. I cleared my throat. "Tell me what?"

He shook his head. "Will, it's probably not my place to say anything."

"I'm going to be hurt either way, aren't I?" I asked.

   Percy bit his lip and looked down at his feet. "Will, I kissed Nico."

   "How far did it get?" I asked. I wasn't shocked. I felt that that was coming.

   "We just made out," he said. "he pushed me off and told me he loved you and he hasn't talked to me since. I'm sorry."

   I didn't know what to think. I felt my emotions bubble inside of me, exploding all at once. Tears fell from my eyes so I turned my head quickly. "Thanks for telling me," I said.

   "Are you okay?"

   "I'm fine. Can you leave me alone for a second? I get distracted easily, and I really need to finish this before the auditorium closed," I added.

   Percy nodded, leaving silently. As soon as I heard the door close, I stared at the blonde wig in my hands. The one Nico wore when he performed. I threw it down into the plastic box and felt my lip tremble.

   I shrunk to the floor and slid under the fold up table that the wigs sat on. I brought my legs up to my chest.

  

   I finally know why people do it to themselves.
   I know why they numb themselves.
   And I wish I could do everything to stop the aching in my chest.