All over again (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 31

Louis POV

  I had just lost everything that meant the world to me. If I wouldn't have been so selfish Harry would still be here. This is all my fault. I told you to turn around. Of course my self conscious had to make everything worse.

  How was I going to live with myself knowing that he did this because of me. I quickly took out my phone and dialed 911.

  "Hello 911, what's your emergency?"

  "Yes I need an ambulance very quick!"

  "What's the problem sir?"

  "My boyfriend has taken a whole bottle of pills please hurry!"

  "Stay calm,  an ambulance is on their way right now."

  "Okay, thank you.. " I said before hanging up.

  "Please Harry stay alive! Just stay alive for me. Please.." I placed my head on his chest but it stood very still. He wasn't breathing. Oh my god.

  The paramedics quickly rushed in and went to Harry's body.

  "Sir is this man your boyfriend?"

  "Yes.. yes he is. Is he okay?! "

  "I'm sorry but it was too late. The medication has already completely taken over his body. There was nothing we could do about it. I'm so sorry for your loss"

  "I... You have to do something!"

  I couldn't help myself from crying. So I just let it all out.

"No, there was nothing we could do. I'm very sorry sir"

  "Harry how could you leave me? How could you.."

  "We are going to have to take the body away. Tomorrow you will be able to talk to a consultant about what you wish to do with his body. "

  As soon as they apologize for my loss once again, they head out the door with Harry in a bag on a stretcher.

  "HARRRRRRYYYY!!!" I was hoping that this was all some sort of nightmare and I would wake up to him by my side calming me down from my screaming. But it wasn't a nightmare. This was all real.

  This is all your fault. My subconscious just doesn't know when to just shut up.

  Harry was never coming back anytime soon and I had to realize that. My subconscious was right. It was all my fault.

  Anger immediately took over my body and I began to break everything.

  "Stupid Tomlinson you see what you've done! "

  I yelled at myself over and over again not once forgiving myself for what I had let happen.

  "You're such an idiot! How could you let Harry do this to himself? You don't deserve to live. You should have died not Harry."

  I blamed myself for every little thing. My life was incomplete without Harry.

  As I was breaking things, I found a note written by Harry. I took a deep breath before reading it.

  Louis,

  "You mean the world to me and I would do anything to be with you. I would come out any day with you and tell the world I'm gay and that I love you. Keep up the great work in the band. I know you'll do fine without me you've always have. You are so beautiful.  Sorry if I haven't said that to you lately. You make me smile even though I don't want to. You know how to cheer me up when no one else does. There are so many words that have been left unsaid. So many memories that have been left undone. Yes I still get butterflies when I hear your name. Yes I still get nervous when you're around. Yes my heart skips a beat everytime I see you. And yes I never stopped caring about you. There are many fish in the sea but I choose you. There is oxygen all around us yet I need you to survive. The are so many jokes in the world yet your the only one who can make me laugh. There are a lot of words in a dictionary yet I can't find one to describe how I feel about you. There are so many pieces to a puzzle but without you it's incomplete. There are 24 hours in a day but without you it feels longer. There is so much on this planet but without you it feels so empty. So don't think for one minute that I stopped caring because I always loved you and never stopped. Your my other half and you mean the world to me. I'm sorry I had to leave this way but it's my only choice. By the way, our families knew about us and that's all that mattered to me. Take care of our mums. Take care of yourself also. Don't let this change you in any way, this was my choice so don't blame yourself for anything.  I still love you but I'm guessing we can't be together any longer. I always feel so depressed and I'm tired of feeling that way. I hope you understand the choices that I am making. Don't ever forget that I, Harry Edward Styles love you, Louis William Tomlinson. You will forever be in my heart. I love you always. Yours truly, Harry Edward Styles."