JUNGKOOK IS DIFFERENT.

28/09

i want him

i'm in a lot of trouble.
i broke somebody's nose
and gave the kid who
i slammed into the locker many times a concussion.
i was sent to he principals office,
and my parents had to come get me.

the principal sounded confused
when he told my parents what happened.
my parents were shocked.
they said i would never do such a thing.
and the principal agreed.
he said i was so calm and respectful.

he said he was going to suspend me.
but he didn't want to.
because these actions were so unlike me.
my parents pleaded for him to not suspend me,
that i was out of my mind.

their conversation
became static in my mind after that,
because my mind was still running.
i was still angry.
i was so angry.
i clenched my fists,
now cleaned after i was pulled away.

i ran my thumbs over my knuckles,
and wondered how jungkook was.
when i was pulled away,
he looked panicked.
he stared at the bodies by him,
mortified with their state.
and despite me causing that,
causing his fear,
he called out for me as i was taken away,

i stood up.
my mind stopped running.
the static went away,
all the adults turning to me.
they were silent.
"i want to see jungkook," i said.

the principal looked at me in surprise.
"i can't let you do that right now."

"i want to see jungkook," i repeated.

my mom hit me in the back of the head lightly.
"you shouldn't be expecting
anything after what you've done, mister."

"i need to see jungkook."

my dad turned at me angrily.
"you're in trouble right now.
you'll probably hurt him, too."

"i am going to see jungkook," i said.
and i turned around,
opening the door of the office.
my mom was screaming,
my dad was growling.

my mind was still,
but i ran.
i ran all the way to room 18,
and i barged in.
the teacher looked at me,
confused.
kids stared at me in awe,
frightened.

i walked up to jungkook,
who sat in the back.
eyes followed me,
staring, staring, staring.
but the room was bright.
he looked at me,
not confused, not angry, not frightened.
his eyes bubbled with relief.

i stood him up,
and i hugged him.
i held on to him so tightly,
not wanting to ever let go.

he held me back,
arms running over my back.
and he said,

"thank you so much."