緑 色 な 言 の 葉 Emerald-green Poem (A Doki-doki Literature Club Story)

Chapter IV: 春の木と夏の木の物語The tale of the Spring tree and the Summer tree

My home does not feel like a home. My father forces me to eat so much, he dictates what clothes I wear, he even punched me if I disobeyed him. A friend of my mother told me that my mother used to defend me when I was young, but all she can do is cry. My parents fought a custody battle over me. My mother died when I was 2, but i didn't know. My father just told me that they got divorced and hadn't communicated for a long time. I really don't know her aside from the picture that is in our house. She got a wavy brownish to blonde hair, tall, and a bit pale. It's been 15 years since my mother died. She died on 2002, but everyone didn't know that she was dead until late 2013. She was eventually killed in an apartment that she lived when my parents broke up.

My name is Natsuki, it is usually written in hiragana, but you can write it using the characters of summer and tree. I'm 17, thin bodied but still healthy, short girl with a short hair. I love to read manga and you may see me as cutesy but I didn't mean to do it purposely. I am a member of the literature club along with 4 other members, it used to be 3, but today we got a new member.

Right now, I am on my room, writing a poem to be shared to the literature club tomorrow. That damn Monika, why does she always have her way around? Well, she's president and all, and writing poems is a literature-club-thing-to-do sort of thing. But, I hate it! They will just end up hating my poem. It ain't like a highschooler's poem, they said. Everyone bullies me, teases me, and hates me for being me. I didn't mean to be myself, I just am myself. The literature club is the only place that I feel safe, I feel warm and comfortable. It is the only place where I can read my favorite manga without my father ordering me what to do in my life. I once felt of running away from home, but I can't afford to bring myself into. I'm afraid what will happen to me if I run away. I'm not going to a friend's house coz I may cause trouble for them, like I have fiends anyway. If I wonder the streets, it would be very dangerous, specially at night, and I'm still a girl. So the thought of running away from home is pointless. I thought of going to the police and report that I was being maltreated, but I'm afraid that I couldn't have concrete evidence for it, so I didn't report.

Well, I had written my poem after a few minutes of thinking. I then slept after I studied for a while.

Morning came already and I'm off to school. I usually take the bus because my house was a bit far. And I will always end up being one of the earliest to reach school because of that.

First period ended quickly, and now it would be our second period, and the subject is Physics. Our teacher was a tall woman with a straight deep-black hair, you could say that she is beautiful. I also heard that she was in some kind of a band when she was in college. She must have been the coolest teacher I ever had, we call her Miss Ly. Well, back to the topic, she discusses about time and time paradoxes. There was one paradox that caught my attention. "What do you think if someone travels back to the past unconsciously?", my teacher asked. Everyone ponders in thought for a while. One of my classmates answered,"They would just end up in the past forever, disoriented to the new environment, without them knowing what to do to get back to present". Our teacher's expression is a kind of mix, like she was amazed or she just witnessed a rediculous thing and is about to laugh. "Well, that would be technically correct", she said, "but what if I told you that the present never really did existed? That it was just an illusion that our mind creates so we could live a life that knows what is the current happening and perceive it as present?", she added. "For that person who traveled to the past, the past had become that person's present, isn't it?", she added more. The class turned very silent, stunned by the paradoxes that had been said from a beautiful woman's mouth. "If we perceive time as a whole and put the timelines set on it's course without changing, you can call it fate if you like, the person that travelled back in time is not an irregularity. That person will keep looping of being born, grow, and travel back in time then die in the past. It would look like an anomaly in the time's arrow, but it would never be an irregularity. That person will just keep looping, and looping, and looping forever, back in the time's arrow, that person would never have a 'future' as we call it", our teacher explained gleefully. Well, our physics time really was a fun one due to those paradoxes, but I never really got its meaning.