Kinda-Comedian.

Brief Overview of my Life so Far.

I was born on a snowy February morning, in a nice big city that I have come to love greatly. My parents, one of the most mis-matched couples on Earth, eloped 9 months prior to my birth in the fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. They split up very soon after their impromptu marriage, and let me tell you, it was messy, and now my brilliant parents refuse to speak to each other. That's alright with me though. My mother, an absolute brilliance to society, is overworked, underpaid, and under appreciated. She moved when I was little to a nice lake community, where she raised me as a single mother until I was 4 years old, then we moved to a small town right outside of Red-Neckille, my current place of residence, and continued to raise me single handedly, while dating the man who would later become my step-father. Let me tell you, 4 year old me hated that man's guts. There was not, nor is there now, anything wrong with this man as a person, I just despised sharing my mom's attention, and when they told me the next year they were getting married, I was beyond pissed. But as the wedding plans progressed, me dividing my attention between my flower-girl and maid-of-honor duties, I started to warm up to him. At the same time, I also lived part-time in a very large city with my father, who at the time was a raging alcoholic, sharing an apartment with an absolute stoner. But, despite his flaws, he opened me up to some very wonderful fandoms at even as young an age as 3, breeding an obsessive fangirl. So, thank you dad. Every Friday after he picked me up, he would take me straight to Blockbusters and the public library to pick up movies and books for the weekend. After a while he moved out of the apartment of booze and weed, and into a small house with a woman who for privacy's sake we'll call "Kate". She was also a raging alcoholic, BUT she had a daughter around my age who subsequently became one of my best friends. Kate also had a horrendous pet bird, who ended up escaping out of the window, much to my shameful joy. Well, 2 drunkards don't mesh well and after weeks of ugly feuding, he moved out and lived with his mother, who had a 2 bedroom house, with now 5 people living in it. My grandma, my aunt, my cousin, my dad, and myself. After taking some summer work (he's a special-ed teacher) he was able to pay for a one bedroom, one bathroom trailer, where we lived for the next 5 years. On one side of us, there was a very creepy old man who insisted the kids in the park called him "grandpa", to which I replied, "I've seen "Man on Fire," I know how it ends for girls who trust creepy guys. My dad bought me a book I still hold dear, "Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak for that comment. It was around that time I realized that if I say all those smart-ass things I think in my head, I'll get rewarded. My other neighbors spoke no English whatsoever. The oldest daughter, "Rosa" spoke just enough English to communicate with the property manager. So after befriending her, I learned quite a bit of Spanish, which I still use today. There were also some girls down the street from me who freaked me out. Their mother was definately a prostitute, their mother's boyfriend who most likely killed people and domestic animals for fun, and a brother who hit on every girl who walked through. All the kids swore like sailors and wore very little clothing. They made me nervous. So I stuck around Rosa. We got rotten potatos from her older brother, and mushed them up, mixing them with dirt and other things, making mud soup. Around this time, my dad met a wonderful lady from work, who we'll call "Melanie". Melanie is the downright sweetest human being I have ever met, almost to a point of shagrin, and I have no idea why she's not left my father. She also had 2 daughters, neither of which I have ever met. You know why? My dad hates them, mostly because I believe he's jealous of Melanie's previous husband. She's never really yelled back at him when he gets angry at her over his own problems. But really, a very sweet lady who makes delicious pies.