i'm only human//matthew espinosa

Chapter 4

I was dreading everything about waking up today. Just to actually get out of bed was a struggle! I eventually put my earphones in and stood up. Britt Nicole's song When she cries, came on. I liked songs like this.

I opened my wardrobe and sighed. I ran my fingers along the outfits, and stopped at a boring top. It was a tee shirt with 'Okay? Okay.' on from the fault in our stars. It was one of my favorite tops but what f the kids at school don't like it?

I put light blue jeans on then a long - sleeved jacket. I put my usual makeup on concealer, mascara and lip gloss. I know that i'm ugly but there's no point putting loads of makeup on, you just look worst. I put my hair in a high pony and tied a ribbon round it. I grabbed my white vans from next to my bed, then grabbed my phone.

I checked the time and yelled. Oh crap! I was going to be late, on my second day! I ran downstairs and jumped in the car. Bob was already sitting in the car waiting.

"Sorry!" I said in a rush.

"Lazy bones" Bob said back. He smiled, then started the car.

We drove into school and it looked empty. Great, I was late! I ran in and found my class. Every minute I spent searching i was later, which meant more stares and more questions. I found my class it was chemistry.

I pushed open the door and i was right. More than half the class looked up from there desks and stared.

"Hello miss, I'm Alli. I'm new so I don't know my way around, sorry!" I said in just more than a whisper. She nodded and I looked for an empty seat.

I scanned the rows and one caught my eye. Third row, next to.. oh no. Matthew was next to me. I put my head down and walked over to the seat. I sat down and heard him 'hello'. I smiled in response. I looked away and grabbed my books from my bags.

"Didn't think you would be in today." Matt said. What makes him think that, oh wait i know!

"Oh why, scared i would top myself? Well let me tell you, Matthew, worst things have happened to me than shoved around just leave it.Just leave me?" Once i said it I regretted every word. Thankfully nobody else heard.

"Sorry. It's just you appear here one day with no friends or no stories, then i try and be nice to you. You just push me away. You laugh with me one minute and are yelling at me the next what am I supposed to do?" Matt said in a stern whisper.

"Well get used to it, that's what i do. I push people away. I haven't asked you to do anything, so if you dont want to speak to me fine. I honestly couldn't care less."I said.

But that weren't the truth. I did want to be friends with Matt. I did want someone to talk to. And I did and still do care. I always have but people judge outsides and don't stop and consider, what I or others may be going through?

I felt my eyes sting, I turned my head to look out the window. I felt Matts eyes burning holes in the side of my head. He moved his arm and touched my wrist again. I moved it away fast and grabbed it with my other hand. Tears were threatening to fall.

"Sorry" Matt whispered. For the rest of the lesson i actually didn't do anything. I never do when I can't concentrate. But of course even after saying a billion times 'You don't understand, I cant concentrate', the teacher still gave me a detention.

I grabbed my bag aggressively after listening to her lecture me on attitude. Well what was i supposed to do cry inront of the whole class, i think not.

I stormed out and bumped into Becky.

"Oh hey!" She said.

"Hello" I replied, with a forced smile.

"coming?" She said.

"Where?" I asked.

"Next lesson?" she said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah sorry come on" I said back.

***

At the end of the day I was walking to my detention. I passed Hailey. She stopped, i carried on walking picking up pace.

"Alli, Alli, Alli" She said.

"how much did you pay Matthew yesterday then?" She asked with an evil look smeared on her face.

"F-for w-what?" I asked anxiously.

"You know sticking up for you? Obviously you paid him he wouldn't just stick up for some fat loser like you, for nothing? Or did you.." She said. I knew what she meant. I was hurt. My eyes stung and I kept thinking of the trouble I'd be in for missing this detention. I heard all her mates laughing behind her.

"I never. I-I never e-even asked him t-to d-do that?" I said still scared.

"Spit it out fatty! And don't bother lying. Look at you! So how much $10? $20? Ew, gross. Fight your own battles Alli. Are we making you cry?" She said quiet proud. I choked back tears and shook my head.

"Nothing. Just go." I said. Oh crap!

"No! No i won't don't ever tell me what to do, Fatty!" I started shaking. Words hurt, alot.

I'm so sick of that rhyme 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" Its all lies. They do! And if they don't hurt physically they hurt mentally. Words rip my skin apart.

I turned around and ran, i know i looked foolish but i had no choice. I made it to the classroom. I leaned against the door and got my breath back. I pushed it open and saw the teacher from earlier. She smiled and told me to take a seat. I picked a back one.

I sat in the empty classroom with my head in my arms. I remembered When She Cries from earlier and played it in my head. I started crying, actually crying. I heard the teachers heels click against the floor as she slowly made her way over to me.

"Alli?" She said softly.

"Lift your head when i'm talking to you" She said with a tone.

"Alli , I wont say it again?" She said in almost a shout. I shook my head.

Then lifted it slowly, i wiped my eyes.

"What?" I said.

"Excuse me?" the teacher replied.

"Sorry, Sorry" I said wiping my nose. Miss Richly her name was.

"It's OK? What's up?" She said handing me a tissue. I wiped my nose then folded it and rubbed my eyes.

"Nothing i'm fine" I said back looking away.

"Then why are you crying?" She asked.

I hate the way teachers think i will just crack and tell them everything? I'm not so they should stop trying!

"I'm not can I go? It's been 10 minutes". She nodded and I ran out not worrying if i'd left anything behind.

I walked down the corridor and saw Becky.

"Becky" I shouted.

"hey i was looking for you! Have you been crying?" She said now close to me. I fell into her arms.

"I hate this school!" I said through a cry. This is the first time i've ever 'broke down'.

"Shhh" Becky repeated whilst rubbing my back till i was calm.

"Does Matt hate me too?" I asked still hugging her.

"Of course not Alli, why who else does?" She asked.

"Hailey and her friends" I replied letting go.

"It's okay" She said with a crooked smile. I nodded wiping my eyes. Time for a long sleep, i think?..

(A/N) Thank you so so so mmuch forr 20 votes and 60 reads! It means so so much! <3 I love you all!<3 let me know how you found this chapter and big shout out to my friend cookie_monsterrr i think that's her user! I love her lots and you shouldd check out her story ' perks of being a bad ass(mag-con fan fiction)' Thank you all!

You are all beautiful and don't forget to stay Strong! Love you and remember to vote, comment, follow ;) x

-t x