i'm only human//matthew espinosa

Chapter 8

I ran into the bathroom and looked under the sink, i stood back up and my eyes met with the mirror. My green eyes, were sharp and unusual. Why do i even have freckles? I am so so ugly? Why am i this fat!!

Thoughts were spinning around in my head until i grabbed my mirror. I was numb and i had no idea what to do. I sat on the toilet lid and twirled the blade through my fingers. Why does everyone hate me so much? I needed to feel something, to take my mind of it.

I slashed my wrist a couple times, hard. It was satisfying. I then dragged it along my arm several times. At first it went red and swelled up, then beads of blood appeared. I dripped down my arm and hit the sink. Then a rush of pain bled out also. This was what i hated about it, the pain. It hurts and there's no way of stopping it because its done? I put it under cool water then stood up. i looked in the mirror again and my belly was huge! I slid the blade across my stomach four times. Nobody cares.

***

In school the next day all i got was stares and points. I hate this, I hate everyone! It was lunch time and i was fed up.

Fed up of not being good enough, being to this, being to that, fed up of starving yet being fat, fed up of having my face and most of all I'm fed up being me?

I was walking down the corridor when someone grabbed the top of my arm. They dragged me into a small gap.

"Please leave me?I haven't done anything!" I said quite loud. Everyone was going into class so i don't think they cared all that much. I closed my eyes and waited. I felt no punches or heard no names. I opened my eyes and saw Matt.

The thought of him makes me sad i don't know why? I looked at him and tears brimmed my eyes. I let my head fall into his chest and he started to rub my back.

"Your okay" He said. "No i'm not?" I replied. "You will be?" He answered. "what if I'm not, did you see my wall? I'm scared Matt so scared?" I said through a sob.

"Come out after school, with me?" He said. It sounded like a good idea, i nodded. I heard the bell ring meaning you should be in lesson. I gave him a tight hug then went to my lesson.

The rest of the day i remembered matt's words 'Your okay' i seemed to be? I ignored everyone and counted down till the end of the day. Bob said i had to be home by 9pm.

I got to my locker and took out my bag i locked it and turned around. Matt was standing there, i smiled and shut my locker. We walked down the corridor and got a lot of glares.

We walked down this long grassy road, near the school and just talked about how much we hates that place! We eventually got to a small park. I sat on the bench, Matt following. I put my hands in my jumper, with my sleeves pulled right down.

"I really like you you know Alli?" Matt said. I felt the wind blow my hair back of my face. I put my head down, and smiled. I turned to face him, "I like you Matt". He smiled. "No like i think I'm in love with you?" Matt said. With me? Yeah right! "Matthew?" I said. "I do i really do, and i know you feel alone right now but i just want to be here for you?" He said. I didn't really need anyone to be here for me. I needed them to stay here.

I put my head up and saw him hold out his hand. I put mine into in, our fingers intertwined. I smiled then looked in his eyes. He was so beautiful? I wanted to say so much, but the words wouldn't come out.

I felt slight rain drops, i sighed. "Alli" He said. "Matt" I answered. I looked at him and suddenly his lips crashed against mine. His lips were soft and warm. I smiled through the kiss, i had butterflies in my stomach.

His lips slightly parted. That's when i realized, i can't do this to him. I pushed away, he looked confused. I put one of my hands up my sleeve and felt the bumps of last nights works. I itched and felt them sting. "I cant do this?" I said. "Why not Alli?" Matt asked sadly. "You just don't get it? You know how much stuff your going to get said to you because of this? I can't fall in love with you Matt i don't want love?" I said, tears started to appear.

"But i do love you and who cares what they think?" He answered, i stood up. "i care Matt, i care?" I answered and was about to walk away. He grabbed my wrist it hurt so much, because of the way he grabbed it he moved my sleeve up slightly.

"Alli?" He said in a choke. He looked and noticed blood on his hand, i knew what he was going to say. I looked at him now crying. I rolled my sleeve up and showed him my arm, he didn't like the look of it. He turned away and shook his head.

"But your.." He began to say. "No Matt! No don't start with all the your beautiful shit because i know I'm not? I hate myself and everything i have become" I said. Tears streamed down my face. He just stood there shocked. He didn't know what to say. I turned away pulled my sleeve down and ran. By now it was fully raining. I ran and ran and didn't stop until i recognized the streets. I just want to be alone.

(A/N) So sorry this was a bad chapter! Alli and Matt kissed but then he found out... so sad :( Ahh well everything will be okay in the end and if its not okayy its not the end ;) Comment what you thought and please vote and/or follow! :D Thanks so much! <3 -T x