Illusions | Loki & Jane

10. Farewell

"Father." Loki sighed, seeing Odin standing in front of the Bifrost gate instead of Heimdall. He had wanted to go to earth again, but when he saw his father eyeing him with an anxious frown he sensed that something was wrong.

"I know you wish to visit Midgard." He said looking at his son rigorously. Loki widened his eyes, how did he know? Had his mother told him after all? He noticed that his hand palms began to get sweaty, this conversation would not end well, he felt it.

"I know that you have been spending a lot of time with a certain Jane Foster, is that right?"

Now there was shock in Loki's eyes. No he could not know this from Frigga, she didn't even know Jane's name herself. Maybe Heimdall? But he had promised not to tell anyone and why would he do so, all of the sudden after three years? That didn't make sense. "Yes." Loki's voice was shaky when he replied, it didn't feel well that his father knew about them. "How do you know?" He asked with narrowed eyes.

"It doesn't matter." Odin answered.

"It was the clairvoyant, wasn't it?"

"How do you know of that?"

"Doesn't matter."

"You've been eavesdropping haven't you?" The Allfather looked at him with a reproving look.

"What is it you want, father?" Loki asked annoyed, not reacting to his assumption.

His father's features softened, he sighed, walking towards him slowly. "I am worried about you my son, I merely want to tell you my opinion on this." He looked at his son as if he was awaiting an approval.

"Then tell me." The black-haired man said impatiently, so he could continue.

"Human lives are fleeting, they're nothing. You'd be better served by what lies in front of you."

The Demigod looked at him speechlessly, why did he tell him that? He knew that humans didn't live for long, he knew that Jane would be gone before he knew, but that was why he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. His eyes were moving, looking from the Bifrost to his father and back, feeling tensed. "That does not stop me from seeing her." The God of Mischief hissed.

"Think about it, Loki. What will happen when she gets older and you will not? She will find out one day. Moreover, she eventually will want to have a child. You want to give her one of your own? A half Frostgi-"

"SHUT UP!" There were tears in his eyes and he was clenching all of his muscles, being angry and sad at the same time. He didn't want to hear this, he didn't want to hear any of this.

Odin shook his head at the human words that came out of his son's mouth. "I do not want to hurt you. I am telling you this not as the Allfather, but as your father. You know it is the truth, Loki."

The Demigod knew. He knew that she deserved someone better, someone, who told the truth about himself, who could give her the life she wanted, a normal human life. If she would stay with him, sooner or later she would notice that he was not a mortal. Her life would never be normal again. He had tried to suppress this thought all the time he had been with her, but now that it had been given voice to, it was out in the open, absorbing his mind. 

"It will only hurt you and her more, the longer you wait." Odin said lowly, looking at him understanding. "I am sorry."

Loki felt the tears running down his face, he didn't know if it was from anger or sorrow, perhaps it was both. He spun around and ran back to the palace. He tried to get the thoughts out off his mind, but it didn't work, they were imprinted. He saw a future, which wasn't possible and the future that was possible wasn't joyful for her. Probably she would be happier with someone of her kind. A man, who would grow old like her, who could give her a child that would not turn blue at some point. When he was in his chambers he demolished everything in his sight, until he had calmed down. He was lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling, breathing heavily. He knew what he had to do, but he couldn't do it, he couldn't hurt her nor himself that much. It was hopeless.
He locked himself up and thought about it one week and came to the conclusion that Odin was right; he had to give her the chance to find a human with whom she could grow old with. He had to let her go for her own good.

"Where have you been?" Jane wasn't angry when the Demigod stood in front of her, one week later than he had told her, instead she looked worried and relieved at the same time. "I tried to call you, because I turned crazy, thinking something happened to you! Why didn't you give a word that you would come later?"

Loki sensed pressure on his stomach and it felt like it was shrinking; he felt sick. He knew this was the moment he had to hurt her, it was probably the worst thing he would ever have to do, but everything was better than seeing her becoming unhappy, due to him telling her lies and being unable to give her a normal life. She would find someone, who truly deserved her. "Something happened." He said trying to sound as calm as possible. He didn't show the pain he was feeling, he hid the sadness coming up inside of him. "We need to talk, lets take a walk." He said, signing Jane to come with him.

"What is it?" The woman asked anxiously when they were walking through the Central Park.

"I had to see you." He couldn't suppress the sorrow completely. "I have to move away from New York."

"What? Where?!" She halted and was standing in the middle of the park, facing him with big and scared eyes.

"Too far to keep this relationship going." He swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat.

"What?" Tears were filling her eyes. "I don't understand, I can come with you."

"Unfortunately you can't." He shook his head, not looking at her, since he was scared he would break. "This is goodbye."

In Jane's eyes was disbelief and pure horror. What was happening? Was she having a nightmare and would she wake up any minute? She hoped she would, this was unbearable, who was this man in front of her? Her chest felt like it was burning. It hurt so much, she couldn't breath.

"I'm so sorry." He couldn't say more, looking into her widened, scared and sorrowful eyes.

"No, it's not over." Her voice was soft and full of hurt, she tried not to whimper, but somehow, she couldn't control her undertone, she loved him and she thought he loved her too! This didn't make sense, did he meet someone else? "Please, John?" She whispered. "Say something, I don't understand." She wanted an explanation, something, but he was only standing there looking at her unfeeling.

He felt it, he felt the urge to take her in his arms, telling her it was all a joke and that he didn't mean it, he had to act now, otherwise he wouldn't be able to do it. "Farewell." He said harshly, closing his eyes to prevent himself from seeing her breaking inside and turned away from her, opening his eyes only then, when he knew she couldn't see his tears anymore. He strode away from her, hearing her cry. He couldn't take it, the salty drops were running down his face. It felt like there was a hole in his chest, where his heart had been, he had ripped it out himself by hurting and leaving her. He managed to get to his apartment in time, before Jane could come after him. He wrote a letter to her that she could have the flat if she wanted, ending it with 'I hope you can forgive me one day' and left the place, where he had been so happy for three years. He made himself invisible, when he saw the woman he loved stumbling to the apartment with a drenched face, then he left the building and ran, not stopping before he found a quiet spot, where he pleaded Heimdall to open the Bifrost. Just a few seconds later he was standing in Asgard, having a hazy vision, due to the water in his eyes.
Heimdall didn't say anything, he had seen the happening and understood the ache of the hard decision the Demigod had been forced to make.
Loki sank to the ground on his knees, while his eyes were focused on the floor, letting out a cry, which was full of pain and rage. Everything would change now and it didn't feel like it was going to be a good change.

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A/n: Noooo Loki why are you doing this? :'(