Raising His Baby

Step By Step

Jinyoung lead me inside and checked on Jae. "He fell asleep awhile ago I sang to him to calm him a bit. Is it ok if he naps?" I nodded and walked to the kitchen. Jinyoung followed like a puppy and sat at the island bar. "Did you hear everything?" He nodded and put his head down. "Did Jae cry? I wasn't sure if I heard him." He nodded again. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. We've never argued before." He looked up at me and I looked away to avoid eye contact. "Look Lyra, I know you want things to work out with him but I'm not going to leave my son for that to happen. I appreciate you standing up for me to him, but if he's going to be with you he needs to respect me. I'm Jae's dad I helped make him and he needs to know I'm not going anywhere." I looked up to see him staring at me. "I know and I won't ask you to leave him. I care about Joey I really do, but I don't think he'll ever be ok with our relationship." There was a moment of silence before he spoke. "I don't think he understands that we have something together that he doesn't have with you. We have Jaeyoung. I know Joey might trust you but he doesn't trust me. I know you have a lot going on but I mean it I'll wait for you. I want us to be a family together but only when you're ready." I have so much on my mind and Jinyoung saying he wants us together doesn't help. "I'm not even worried about me having a relationship at this point. I just want what's best for my son." I lifted my head to meet his eyes, but his head was down. He looked so defeated and I felt my heart sting. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you. I need some time thought ok? There's so much for me to sort out right now." He nodded and our eyes met. "Can we talk about Korea? I don't want to keep putting it off." I nodded and motioned for him to sit on the sofa. "I actually wanted to ask you a few questions about that. Can we keep Jae a secret a little longer?" He frowned and looked towards Jae's room. "I don't want too. If I hide him then it looks like I'm ashamed of him. I want the world to know about him and how much I love him." I rubbed my temples. I'm so scared of how the public will react. "What about when they ask you about the mom? What if they talk about your relationship?" I felt an ache in my heart as I waited for his response. "What do you want me to tell them about his mother? I want to tell them that she's someone I love dearly and always will. Don't bring up the relationship there isn't one. I told you it's just for something we're working on. She doesn't mean anything." I looked down to avoid his loving gaze. "I don't know what I want you to say yet this is so much to take in. What about the other members and your fans?" He smiled and rested his hands on his knees. "I spoke with them already and they want both of you to come back with us. They're ok with telling the world about our son. The fans are understanding they'll love Jae too." I smiled knowing he was probably right, but I'm still scared. "Our son won't have a normal life. Wouldn't it be better if we keep him hidden?" I could tell he was getting frustrated. "Why can't he have a normal life? Why do you only see it as a bad thing? People will find out eventually so I'd rather just tell them now." I started to fidget around a bit and he could tell I was becoming overwhelmed. "Fine Jagi you win. We'll wait a little longer and I'll talk to my company ok? After I talk to them we'll tell the public ok?" I nodded. "How will you see him? You don't have a set schedule." He frowned a little and looked over to Jae. "I'll make time for him he's my son. I promise." "What if I decide to raise him here though? Will you be okay with that?" He smiled and nodded. "I'll just come to you then. I'm not going to leave my son." I shook my head. "You can't leave the group Jinyoung!" "I can't leave my son Lyra." I huffed and knew he'd either move here or have me move over there. "What if I bring him to visit? We could stay for a few months at a time." He didn't say anything for a few minutes and thought it over. "We can try that to start but just know eventually one of us will have to move. We can't raise our son like that. It won't be fair or stable." I nodded and smiled. He's right it's not ideal but it'll work for now until we figure it all out. "Do you want to stay with us the remainder of your trip? We have a guest room." He nodded and Jae started to whine so we walked to his room. "What are you going to tell your family?" He sighed and picked Jae up. "To be honest I don't know what to tell them yet. I'm not sure how they're going to react. They only met you once years ago and when they find out years later we have a kid they're going to freak out. I know they're going to need time to adjust and they're probably going to question if he's mine. I know my sister will fall for Jae as soon as she sees him." I know I can't expect much since I don't know his family. When Jinyoung used to talk about them he'd tell me how strict and conservative they are. When I first met his mom it wasn't at all how I planned. She came over to visit one day and I answered the door in Jinyoung's button up shirt and boxers thinking it was him. Needless to say she wasn't exactly thrilled to find me there. After that incident her and Jinyoung got into a big argument, and I never got to redeem myself. Jinyoung snapped my out of my thoughts and rested his hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay I promise. I'll protect both of you no matter what." He smiled and walked to the living room with Jae. Before I was only worried about his fans and how the public would see him. Now I'm worried about his family and whether or not they'll accept my son. I took a deep breath and prayed for a sign to lead me to the right direction.