Finally- a Niall Horan fanfiction

Chater one-meet Lexie

I hate being this way. Alone, in the dark, with no one to talk to, and no one connect with. My name is Lexie Taylor. My middle name is Rose but who wants to be called that. Have you ever wondered why people do things. Is it because they enjoy it, because it's out of fun, or because they feel bad for themselves. These all would be questions I asked but will always go unanswered.

"Shit" I whisper to myself as I glide the blade across my wrist. It is the only way I get relief. I feel as if every one and everything is gone. Every worry, every pang of pain, everything gone. I cut myself to get away.

I was adopted when I was 5. My real parents abused me and were put in prison. Even at a young age I knew what was going on. They made me feel as if I was unimportant to the world. They made me feel insecure about myself. I know a five year old isn't but I was. I remember all the sleepless nights I had because of nightmares. I lost all trust for people.

Even though I love my family now I still have nightmares sometimes. I'm still insecure. But I do have a little bit more trust.

I slit my wrist for every reminder of the way I am.
My family
My weight
My shortness
My past
My life

As I let the warm liquid run down my hand. I finally feel at peace. Then I realize I got blood on my carpet. My white carpet.

"Shit. No no no no." I can't believe I did that. I run as fast as I could to my bathroom to stop my bleeding. Once it stopes I roll down my selves and run to the kitchen. We keep all cleaning supplies under the sink. I quickly get the bleach and just as I was about to run out I run into someone.

"What are you doing with the bleach my dear?" My mom asked. She was the last person I wanted to see. She was so nosey at times.

"I...uh...spilled grape jelly on my carpet." I quickly came up with an excuse. One of the great things about is that she's oblivious to everything. I can't tell you how many times I've snuck out of the house when I was 13. I walked right out of the front door.

"Okay just make sure you put the bleach back." She told me.

As I got to my room I quickly put the cleaner on the stain. This was going to take forever. I was in the middle of cleaning when I got a text. Who would text me.

From: Kelsey

"Hey cow" it read. Great time for the numerous text I get at night.

"Still hiding your scars" she sent another one. Why do people bully me. I have never done anything to them. It started when we moved here to England a few years back. I'm from America. We moved here because my dad got a promotion and we had to move. It didn't bother me because I had no friends in America either.

I was always that outsider who was too shy to talk to people. I always would put my voice into music or poetry. People thought it was weird so therefore no one would talk to me.

I decided to turn off my phone so I wouldn't have to hear the constant *ding* throughout the night.

I looked at my alarm clock be my bed. It was 10:30 so I went to take a shower. I have my own bathroom. All my other siblings are either in college or have familiar of their own. I got to the bathroom and turn on the water. As I felt that the water was hot enough I got in. I love letting the hot water relax my muscles and letting the steam hydrate me. I washed my hair, body, and face and got out. I wrapped my towel around my body and wen to my room.

I put on my pajamas and climbed into bed. I turned on my lamp by my bed and got my song writing journal out from my hiding spot. I don't like people touching my journal. I begin to write all of my feelings, struggles, and emotions out on the paper where I don't have to worry about people judging me. I feel myself getting more and more sleepy and decide to turn in for the night.

"Can't wait for tomorrow" I said to myself sarcastically as I shut my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.