My Secrets. (My Self Harm, EatingDisorders, Bullied,Self hate, and Recovery)

High School aka Hell (Eating Disorder)

(So ive been noticing that all my chapters are hella short, so I hope this one is long enough, enjoy guys. Love you ♡♥ ~Aly)

         High School aka Hell

Oh my gosh where do I begin with high school. Let me try to summarize high school in the most nicest way ever.

High school is fucking hell, its not some sweet shit like High School Musical, you dont just go in and see someone start singing and dancing about sticking to the fucking status quo.

High School is all about where you belong on the food chain, how you look like on the outside.

If youre skinny, youre already known as a popular in my high school, and if youre blonde with deep, ocean blue eyes, tan and belong in a rich family, everyone is on you like youre the queen or king of the school.

It all depends on how you look at my school, and its really sad because at my school, we are divided by race. Latinos with latinos, whites with whites, and other races try to find there way in the school. ( im not kidding I see it all the time, im not being racist I promise :/)

I hate that about high school.

Anyways back to my story, once I entered high school as fresh meat, I lost some more pounds and started becoming depressed and just out of it. Because of that, I started binging a lot more than usual, like I normal day would be a full breakfast, no lunch, then I would come home and eat anything I can find on the table counter or refrigerator. I binged every day and regreeted everything..

I just couldnt stop..

I gained double the amount I weighed before I binged like crazy. my self esteem lowered by the day, hour, second. I was like a machine, non stop putting things in my mouth.

I couldnt control my self, and wvery day I would go on the scale and it would be a number higher than the day before.  So then, I would do jumping jacks to shed some weight off. It was horrible.

So for some dumb reason I thought cutting myself would help me lose weight, it didnt but I was always hoping that less blood equals less fat and less fat means more skinny. ( I was dumb l, trust me it doesnt help to cut)

So I started wearing slimming waist bands, the ones that make you sweat, and doing extreme workouts to the point where I couldn't feel any part of my body. I even took laxatives hoping that pooping more would lose weight. I also started drinking tea that was a harsh laxative and messed up my whole metabolism. But in the end, I still ate like a pig and looked like a pig. Day by day, I would do my ritual; no breakfast, no lunch, eat like a pig when I get home. It was a normal thing for me, and I just couldnt handle myself.

I slowly became obsessed with what I appeared on the mirror, what I looked on the outside. I was becoming a monster.

( I hope this is long enough for you all, I noticed that I keep writing so little so im writing more and lessing the amount of chapters, but im not done yet. Btw, this is during 9th grade, im doing the end of 9th and going on to 10th on the next chapter kay :). hope you all enjoyed and thank you for reading!! Love you muahhhhh ♡♥♡♡ ♡♥ :**** ~ Aly)

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~Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly~