Pieces [Wattpad's Editor's Choice]

2: aLl EaRs

I was in my final year of college, a fourth-year student. But I was still young, only nineteen. Part of that may have to do with the fact that I graduated high school early. Yes, I was that girl. Let's all assemble the six-deadly letters and just call me C-L-I-C-H-E.

But here's the thing: I didn't like school. I liked knowing things. I liked knowing things so much, I cried in my bed at night if there ever was a day I realized I didn't learn something. That cloud of ignorance? I wouldn't let it settle over me. Life was the biggest puzzle, the nastiest villain, and if I could know more than life did, well, I was winning.

Unfortunately, life always won. Because my knowledge only went as far as books, life smacked the, well, life out of me like a piñata that's been hit too many times. Frankly, I didn't know anything about boys. I didn't know anything about kissing or sex aside from what you read in books or hear from opinionated whispers. And I especially didn't know anything about love.

My luck sucked as much as a new vacuum. Boys didn't often like me. The boys I liked were far out of my league. I didn't have a type specifically, but I did have a certain standard: he had to want to know things. He had to want to know me. And he had to be willing to tackle life with me because God knows you can't do it alone.

No boy I met ever wanted that. They seemed to like not-knowing, and they seemed to like it a lot. They liked not knowing how to treat a girl or properly take her on a date-pick me up, have me home on time, I'll pay if you can't, but just promise to be polite. They liked not knowing a girl's personality. They liked not knowing what things triggered me, what touched my soul, what stirred my passions-because it meant effort. They liked not knowing how I truly felt, because if they did, they might feel obligated to be nice to me. And knowing on a personal level is breeding ground for feelings and attachments-such parasites.

I thought Ethan Suede was different. Sure we only spoke for a month, but it was the best month of my life. He wasn't popular-psh, we were in college: you were either smart or not smart. He didn't play sports, didn't do drugs or have some unwritten get-in-your-pants agenda. In other words, he was not a cliché. He was just a boy who studied with me sometimes and looked pretty average. He had glasses, but guess what? Not all people who wore glasses were nerds. In fact, he was pretty dumb. He knew nothing about life, except that he was expected to live it. He was only going to college because his high school teachers encouraged him to, he only studied science because that's what everyone did, he liked texting emojis yet in reality he was pretty expressionless, sometimes he quoted famous poets but he never knew what any of it meant, and he thought he would go to a Valentine's party because his roommate told him he was lame if he didn't.

Even though I'd never kissed anyone before, I was determined to lose my virginity that night. I was nineteen and still a virgin, which I guess is still pretty okay because I realize people out there may be older virgins and it doesn't make them any less of a person. But I was in my fourth year of school and I wanted something new. I wanted to sleep with someone before my college career ended, and Ethan seemed perfect. I liked Ethan. In one month, I fell for who-knows-what about him, did anyone ever know why they fell for a person? I. Just. Fell. For. Him. And his stupid pastry smell. And it was lovely.

But he clearly wasn't mine.

So I would spend my Valentine's day alone pinning moths to a piece of cardboard I'd later add to my insect collection.

"Why so down?" Luna asked as I shuffled in the seat next to her. She already had her psychology book out and a few lines highlighted. Class didn't start for another half-hour, but Luna and I always liked being the first to lecture because it was our best time to gossip. Other times, we ate lunch here to avoid the chaos and crowds in the food courts; Psych started at 12:30, right at the peak of lunch.