Pieces [Wattpad's Editor's Choice]

epilogue

𝓔𝓽𝓲𝓪𝓶 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓮, 𝓼𝓾𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓮𝓽 𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓻. It means, "In death, love survives."

I got the phrase tattooed on my ribs, below my heart (or breast, if we're being more anatomically correct), in the exact cursive Arrow wrote his final note to me in.

His handwriting was now a part of me, just as he had been, and this made it permanent.

In addition to the phrase was a small, realistic atom. Harvey carefully penned a few electrons around the center with the orbit lines faint and gray. He also spent extra time detailing the nucleus, the center of the atom, and wrote the letters aa. Arrow Addams. The entire atom took up no more space than a quarter would. It was beautiful.

Luna initially sketched it out, Harvey brought it to life.

To me, this not only meant physical death, but death of things no longer present in my life. Relationships, school, hardships. Even once things ended, love existed in every new beginning. It took love to start a new beginning.

I don't know where you are in terms of finding love, but please: don't bring my story to life.

I think a lot of relationships are like moths and flames. Moths are whoever is drawn to the luring flame for the heat it provides, for guidance, for stability because it never moves. Because light can be beautiful, but if brought too close, it can burn. Whether it's the flame of a candle, a star, or even just a light bulb-trapped behind glass, unreachable but still bright-it'll burn.

And here's the thing: light doesn't last forever. Eventually, the flame dies out. Especially if the light never turns off to save energy for itself.

Where does the moth go when it loses its light? It doesn't die, even if its wings give out in the shock of the moment. It'll pick itself back up and find another flame. Or it'll die trying to reach one.

It's okay to be attracted to the light. Just don't kill yourself trying to reach it.

I can't tell you everything will be okay, because I'm not a fortune teller (wouldn't that be something, though? I was just a scientist; psh, that was already enough to handle). I also can't tell you what might become of Isaac and I, because life is messy and things change, people change, sometimes it isn't even timing. Sometimes...things just don't work out.

There was so much possibility though, and you can't deny an experiment the right to live if you don't even give it a trial. For once, I wouldn't rearrange events in my life to add up to my perfect ending. I didn't want something fake. But to find something real, I needed to be comfortable with real life. And I'd keep my heart open to love and possibility, because if I closed it off in fear of future rejection, future heartbreak, then I also wouldn't be able to love myself or the life I had before me.

I saw possibility with Luna and Tyrell, Ethan and Harvey, Phil and Jayda. I saw possibility in new friendships, new jobs, new travels. I saw a series of new choices before me, but I loved myself enough to choose Me at the end of each one. I'd watch love unfold from the sidelines and take notes because this time, I didn't need a person to make my story feel complete.

Life is not complicated. Not always. Really, life is just a series of choices and sometimes we favor one outcome over another. If you make a choice that makes you happy in the moment, don't look back and wish things different; take it one choice at a time and learn from past mistakes.

I don't regret any of my choices. Does that mean they didn't hurt? Hell no. It felt like a million bee stings to the heart multiple hours a day. Some days, pain felt suffocating. Other days, my losses drowned me. But I couldn't beat myself up and wish I'd done things differently. One of the consequences of a poor choice is accepting you screwed up and also accepting life goes on.

It was my choice to make someone my lover. It was also my choice to chase him when he didn't love me.

I can't say I'd rather have Isaac love me and let Arrow die, because how could you let someone die when they lived and breathed the same air as you? When they occupied a piece of your heart? And like my tattoo states, I don't believe love really ever dies.

This is my story. My puzzle. My butterfly effect. Jagged, messy, uncertain. But no road to self-love ever promised to be easy.

And just because your edges are sharp doesn't mean they are wrong.