Sorry for posting so late but I had work. :p. ill try to post again soon but I have work every day this week >.
-Grace (the night after the accident)
I was still shaken from the accident. I was in my numb little bubble that I had invented to keep out the pain and keep my emotions in check. I wanted to cry and scream; I wanted to curse the world for all the bad things that kept happening to me. The only thing I could do was unresponsively follow Will into the house.
When we got to my room Will came over to me and grabbed me by the hips. He pulled me towards him abruptly and all but squeezed the life out of me. He held me tight, buried his face in my hair, and we stood like that for a moment. It was like we were afraid to let go of each other.
When Will finally pulled away he whispered "go get a shower...I'll get one in the guest bathroom...then we'll go to bed. I know you must be tired."
I was extremely tired because the accident had happened late last night and we had been sitting in the waiting room all night and most of the day. I couldn't wait to crawl under the covers and pass out but I was dirty and smelly and tense. The sink shower didn't do much for me so I grabbed my clothes, went into my bathroom, closed the door, and then I took a shower.
...
I had a hard time getting the dried blood and dirt off me but I knew Will was having an even harder time. I had gotten blood covered and mud stained from him, meaning he had even more muck clinging to his skin then me. I also had a hard time washing because the sight of seeing dried blood on my flesh brought back the memories of my parents. There was so much blood that day. The horrific sight of everyone covered in it, even the doctors who were scurrying around and shouting things that seemed to be in a different language.
I knew that if I kept thinking about it, picturing it, I would break down and eventually go crazy. So I closed my eyes and pictured Will and Henry the first time we met. It seemed like ages ago since Henry introduced me to Will although it has only been a few years. We met in the middle of freshman year and now that I know Will better, I know that ,that wasn't the greatest time for him but he appeared like the old him that I know now; responsible, loving, hard working, a little possessive in a good way, and cutely awkward at times.
I sighed and broke my chain of thought. The hot water had run out and turned cold so I turned the water off and got out. I quickly rapped a towel around me and dried off. Then, after putting my night clothes on, I left my bathroom. The hot temperature of the shower made my room appear cold so I quickly went over to the bed and got under the covers.
Will came in soon after and got in the bed with me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to his bare chest. I jumped up and you could hear my intake of breath. "iii...ummm...aaaand....yyyou...hhhhuuuu.." it's not that I didn't like it, it's just that Will always wore a shirt when we were sharing the bed. When Henry stayed the night they both got the couch/sleeping bag and he didn't then. Will sat up too and cupped my cheek with his one hand. He said "since were about to get married I thought you wouldn't care and, well, the only clothes that I could find were the ones I was wearing and I really didn't want to put them on. They were the last pair here and I was going to bring more clother over today but with the accident and everything... The boxers however I had no choice...unless you want something accidentally rubbing up against you in the middle of the night" I scrunched my face and said "eww" then Will rolled his eyes and said "tell me about it". I smiled and jokingly said "you know you could have always borrowed my underwear. It might be a little tight but eeemmm it'll work."
It felt like we hadn't laughed in a ages and I just wanted to act like nothing happened and I needed a safe place, denial, reassurance, I needed to know that Will was there, that he was solid and alive and hemmed in my life so tightly that it was impossible for him to be reaped out.
Our laughing died down and Will said "sorry honey but their so small that if I put them on they'd make my butt look big." I laughed and then said "awww but I love your big butt." Will smirked and then mockingly, like me said "awww but I love your big butt too." I smacked his arm and he said "you know I'm kidding skinny Minnie Grace...I Love you." I smiled and said "I love you too Will."
As he pulled me to him and laid down he whispered "come on lets go to sleep. I'm about to pass out." I ran my hands up his chest and he hummed then I snuggled into him and kissed his chest. He kissed the top of my head and soon we both fell asleep.....
-dream
I was running down the road and it looked like it was unending. It was completely flat and barren and the sun was roasting me alive. I felt sick in my stomach but I just couldn't stop running. "Bum bum bum" my shoes hitting the cement were all I could hear. Slowly a mound of clothing appeared in the distance and as I ran it got bigger and bigger. Then this bloody mess appeared on the road and I smelled the most stomach churning sent I have ever inhaled. I stopped and screamed but I couldn't hear my cry. The mess rose to its knees and I saw an old women with tangled, dirty hair and shredded rags for clothes. She looked like my mother the night she died only more aged and wrinkled. She was bleeding badly and her movements appeared labored. Her right pointer finger rose slowly and shakily and then she squawked "aaaahhhgg, your next little boy, your next. Lala bye and goodnight. Hahahah." Her evil laugh was all I could hear even though I was screaming at her. "What are you talking about?...what boy?... can you hear me? Hello?....HELLO??? LADY???"
-
I woke up with a gasp and I jumped up. I was breathing heavily and a sweaty mess. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It read 7:47 AM. I rolled back over and bumped into Will.
I don't know why but all of a sudden I just started crying. A few minutes later and I was convulsing so hard the bed was shaking. The movements woke Will up and at first he didn't register anything but then he sprung up and turned to me. He gasp and worriedly asked "Grace, what's wrong? What happened? Is it Alex? Did something happen at the hospital? Talk to me grace!"
I clutched him to me and sobbed "no, nnnno. I had a, I had a bad dream. Ohh Will. My mom, my mom, all that bbbbaa...blood. She was on the rrrrahhh...road."
I bawled my eyes out while Will held me.
I needed comfort, I needed reassurance, and I needed something solid and real and something that wasn't going to leave me if everything else vanished. My emotions were going haywire and I didn't know what to think. The dream was the last straw and all of my emotions just exploded. I knew it wasn't good to keep them bottled up inside but it seemed easier at the time.
I was thinking about Will. He was the only other close person in my life that something bad hasn't happened too. My thought was cut off when I felt Will rub his hand from my hip to my shoulder blade, back and forth, back and forth.
I don't know what got into me, I just cracked. I rolled on top of Will and I brought our lips together. His face became wet from my tears but I couldn't stop crying. He held my lower back and tried to slow the kiss but I wasn't thinking. I was just feeling and it felt good to be kissing him this passionately. I needed him so my hands ran down his chest and then went to his boxers. I started to fiddle with the elastic band but he stopped me before I took them off. He grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head. Then he rolled over so he was on top and looked me dead in the eyes and said "No Grace." I buried my head in his chest and cried more. His rejection hurt me. He let go of my hands and held me to him while petting my hair. He said "your not thinking. Your letting you emotions get the best of you. When you were kissing me you had this glassy look in your eye and I know you Grace. You are not thinking because of what happened. Your worried about Alex and when ever you are reminded...you push people away and you don't think straight. I'm not going to let you do something like this while you can't make an unbiased decision. If were to ever...I'd want you to have a clear head Grace."
I sniffled a little and wiped my eyes. I playfully hit Will in the chest and then laid my head on it. I sighed and whispered "ya, Will I know, I know....i love you. We should go check on Henry and Alex." I quickly kissed him then got up off of the bed. I grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom to change.
When I got back Will was in a pair of Mr. Soman's pants and one of my hoodies. I laughed at him and he said "ya, I know." Then he stuck his tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes and said "come on Will. Let's go take Henry lunch and see if the doctors have any news on Alex."
