-Grace
Will slowly kissed my forehead then said "it's not what Henry and I did. It's what we talked about...... Grace, feel like I might relapse...I used to be addicted to drugs."
I couldn't move or breathe. I couldn't think. I just froze. This wasn't like Will; he was always the serious, straight and narrow one. I looked up to him and I can't believe he kept this from me for so long. I have always trusted him but at least he finally told me.
As all of these things were floating in my head I could faintly hear Will trying to talk to me, he was saying "Grace...Grace, talk to me...say something... speak." He was shaking me but I was frozen.
Suddenly I felt pressure on my face and wetness. Will was kissing me urgently and animalistic like, he was also crying. His whole frame was shaking so I started to respond and kiss back. I rapped my arms around his back and rubbed up and down helplessly. He captured my right cheek in his left hand and used his other arm to wrap around my waist tightly. He was kissing me like it was the last kiss we were going to share. The love and desire consumed us both until I broke away panting.
I held his head in my hands and wiped the tears away. I was afraid because the Will I knew never cried and that meant that this was a sensitive subject to him. I knew to tread lightly.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him in the house and up to his room. I pushed him down on the bed and held him close. I didn't know what else to do so I just rubbed his back and cooed phrases of adoration to him. "Will, calm down...... I love you...... Baby, it's alright...... I could never not love you........ Sweetheart."
After he calmed down he turned to face me and said "I didn't want you to see me like this...so weak and useless. I don't want to go back to that. Sure it felt good at the time but now that I'm clean I realize all the damage that I've done, how many people I've hurt. I was violent and reckless and I did some really really bad things, Grace. But I changed and now I'm different and don't want to go back to that. It's like I had this helpless feeling that I couldn't stop myself from those pills. When I hit Henry it brought all those feelings back, the adrenaline, the rage, the excitement, the need, the..... high. It was like putting an ex-alcoholic in a bar and telling him he can only smell it once and nothing more. It's not a good feeling, Grace. It makes you feel alone and isolated, like a ant under a magnifying glass getting fried and charred to death slowly while a kid watches it squirm." He took a big breath and then let it out in a sigh.
I wanted to get him to focus on what got him to stop because I thought it would help him now so I asked "What got you to stop?" he looked up right at me and slowly said with a small smile "well, this new girl came to school and she was beautiful and sweet and kind. We quickly became friends and I slowly learned more about her. I quickly fell for her but I knew before I could ask her out I had to change. I knew I had to be strong for her because she seemed so fragile, so delicate. I just couldn't hurt her. I wouldn't. She was already so insecure and I didn't want to take advantage of that. So I waited until she was ready for me to tell her how I felt and I waited until I was clean. She didn't need to have the extra stress and she still doesn't. I just want to protect her.....I'll always protect her"
We were both smiling and I playfully pushed him. I muttered "shut up....okay so what really got you to stop" Will sighed and said "fine, you did help me but it all started with my family. After Dad....left I knew I had to take more responsibility and my mom needed me. We were broke so I needed to get a job and while Mom was at work I wad to watch my brothers and sisters. Then Henry also tried to get me to stop many times. He got hurt many times too but he was my friend the whole way through it. That's why we're so close. He might be a little bit bigger then me but when your...well using...you can get pretty rough. I need to do something big for him to show him how grateful I am for him. He's done so much for me and all I've done was hurt him."
I kissed Will and said "well his birthday is coming up next month."
