Letters To Gerard. [Frerard]

The Ninth Letter.

I had a long think today. About whether all of this is worth it. I want to help you, but you don't seem to want my help. I love you, but you don't seem to want my love. I need you, but you don't seem to need me. Don't you need me anymore, Gerard?

It's been so long since you took my breath away, I'm starting to wonder if you'll ever give it back. I thought about when we first met, too. I thought about the way you smiled at me, and told me your name was Gerard Way, and you held out your hand for me to shake. You seemed so shy, and you actually blushed when I smiled. I think it was pretty easy to fall in love with you instantly, though it did take me longer than a day. Maybe two. Who knows? All I know is that I thought you were perfect, and I thought you were beautiful, and I wanted to get to know you.

You were the most perfect man I'd ever seen. You still are. I still think that you're amazing and beautiful and all those things. And I love you so much. I do. I just don't know what to do. You were the angel that saved me from myself, but now it feels like you don't want me, and the thoughts are coming back.

I don't like this. I don't like being alone. All I wanted was you, Gerard. All I ever wanted was you.

Something's telling me to break up with you. I don't know if you'd want that, though. I definitely don't want it. I want to be here for you, and to hold you, and to tell you that it's gonna be okay. Maybe it would be for the best, though. I don't know. Don't you understand how hard it is for me to think these things? I don't want to leave you, but if I did, would you even care?

It doesn't matter. I'm always going to be hopelessly devoted to you, whether I like it or not. And I think you know that, don't you?

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