Kissed By An Angel (Boyxboy)

Note Passing

I am in 7th hour now singing my butt off remembering how 5th hour went *Flashback* After Chris moved a desk next to mine I felt uncomfortable so I looked to Alex for help but she had her hands full with Marek so it looked like I would sadly have to deal with Chris all by myself. For awhile I just sat there looking down at my desk then after like a minute of doing this a note appears on my desk, already knowing who it's from I open it and it says "I want to talk about what you told me earlier, you know that stuff about your dad. -C" I really don't want to talk about this now at least not through a note so I reply "I'll tell you later, meet me after school in front of the office. -J" Chris reads it and mouths ok then he tries to grab my hand in a comforting manner probably because he knows that the topic I'm thinking of is swirling through my head, all the bad memories. I feel as if I'm about to cry so I get up ask Mr. Cox if I can go to the clinic, he writes me a pass and I grab my stuff and a run to the clinic I tell the lady in the office my stomach isn't feeling very well and she says "You can stay in here and lay down until you're feeling better" I nod my head in thanks and then I walk over to the little bed and lay down facing the wall and start crying letting everything out. I stay for the rest of 5th hour and all of 6th hour then I get up and start walking to 7th. *End of Flashback*

I can't think about it now I'm in chorus, I'm singing, I'm safe. "You're safe...for now" the voice in my head says the one that's always pushing me to kill myself putting the thought of my dad and his abusiveness in my head. Every time I feel safe and happy the voice has to remind me that it's not going to last. I sing all hour and then the bell rings I walk slowly to the office because I don't want to talk and I guess I think that if I walk slow enough maybe by the time I get to the office Chris will think I skipped out on him.

I get outside and just my luck I walk right into Chris as he's rushing to make it to the front office, I'm guessing band ran late putting their instruments away, I wonder what instrument he plays......"Jesse focus." My inner voice is right I need to focus I have to stay focused to tell Chris the stuff he wants to know. Chris doesn't notice that it was me he bumped into so he keeps walking and stands in front of the office. I walk into his view and he smiles and I say"So, have you been waiting long?" Chris says"Yea I've been waiting here for like 6 minutes."

I give him a look then I say"Liar I saw you walking here and you bumped into me." Chris gives me a sheepish grin, and I say"So about what I told you earlier, I don't want you to feel sorry for me I can handle the situation by myself." Chris looks at me like he knows the way I plan to handle things, his look is filled with sadness, and love?! How can he love me already he just met me! I reach out and grab Chris's hand and say"My way of dealing with my problems is my business, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me because in the end it's my choice you can't make the choice for me and neither can Alex.

Chris starts to lightly cry and he looks like a weeping angel so beautiful, so strong, why would an angel like him care what happens to me? I let go of Chris's hand and I say"My dad started to resent me after mom died, but he didn't start the beatings until he found out I was gay. My dad has beat me everyday since he found out, maybe thinking that he can beat the gay out of me. Just this morning my dad kicked me as if I were a piece of garbage on the street." I lift up my shirt and show Chris the now dark bruise I have from my fathers kicks, Chris reaches out to touch them but I lower my shirt again before he can. "I have to get home Chris, my dad gets upset when I'm late." before Chris can say anything in reply I walk away and keep walking until I'm home.

When I get inside and shut the door I see my dad standing there and he says"Jesse you're late, do you know what that means?" I stand frozen and then my dad repeats himself and says"I asked if you knew what you being late means!" I take a minute to answer then I say"It....It means....that I....am going to be....punished." My dad nods and says"Jesse come closer I don't bite, I may smack, punch, and kick, but I won't bite because I don't want to be infected with your gayness." I walk extremely slow towards him and when I'm close enough for him to grab me he yanks me by my shirt collar and throws me onto the floor he kicks me on my already bruised side and says"Jesse next time you're late I'm going to punch you in the stomach until you throw up." He walks away and I'm luckily able to pick myself up off the ground.

I hear a knock at the door my dad doesn't get up to answer it so I guess I have to. I quickly look for something to wipe the blood off of my mouth with, even though I know I still look like I just got my ass beat I open the door. Chris stands there looking at me for a second then he just walks in and closes the door behind him. I hear my dads voice ask"Jesse who was at the door?" I reply "No one special just some sales guy I told him to leave." I walk upstairs with Chris following behind me with graceful silent steps. Once we're inside my room I close and lock the door then I ask"Chris, what are you doing here?" Chris's reply is"I was worried about you so I came to check on you, but I got here too late to protect you, didn't I?" I just pull up my shirt and show him my side and this time when he reaches to touch my side, and I let him.

He looks and pokes at my side I put my shirt back down and then Chris says"Jesse I....I'm sorry that I didn't get here in time to protect you, I don't know how you've lasted so long with your father without calling child services." I want to tell Chris my thoughts and my feelings and for once my inner voice isn't stopping me from talking to someone, what's stopping me now is something completely weird, what's stopping me is fear. Fear that Chris will think I'm weak and a coward, Chris looks at me and in that moment all my fear melts away and I say"When the beatings started I took them because I thought I deserved them because I felt as if it was my fault for liking guys for not being able to look at a cute girl and think the things I would think when I saw a cute guy. I never felt like it was wrong to like guys when my mom was alive because she would listen to me ranting on about a cute guy in school as if it was completely normal, but when my mom died I didn't have anyone to share my real feelings with, I mean yes I had Alex but I couldn't have her deal with my problems when she has problems of her own. I had no one to turn to and I got used to it after awhile, not depending on others to help my deal with my problems. I did it for all of freshmen year but then I confided in my crush Austin, he seemed to care and understand but after awhile he became different because hanging out with me was making him popular and it seemed to make Austin change. Austin told Jeffery to force me to quit the football team, Alex thinks it was Jeffery who wanted me off the football team but it was Austin, Jeffery did say terrible things but it was Austin who started it all. I decided to tell you all of this because I trust you Chris." I finish it off by saying I trust Chris because I do even though I've only known him for a day I feel like I can share everything with him.

Chris leans closer to me and gives me a hug being carefully not to hurt me and he says"I'm glad that you told me all of that Jesse, I promise I'll always be here for you." I stare into his eyes and I see that he means what he says that he'll always be here for me. My inner voice says"You know it's not going to last, this guy will leave you and then you'll have nobody left to stop you." I shake my head the voice will not ruin this for me, I feel extremely safe for the first time in 1 1/2 years I'm not letting the voice take it away from me. I'm not going to start anything with Chris though because if I do and it does end badly he'll probably leave, so that means I can't have Chris be my boyfriend he can only be my friend and nothing else. The way he's looking at me now though he looks like he wants to be more than friends he looks like he's going to kiss me, I can't let that happen.

Chris leans in and I say"Shouldn't you be getting home I'm sure your parents will be worried." Chris shakes his head and replies"I don't live with my parents they died when I was very little I lived with my grandparents until the we got into an accident then I went to.....living by myself." I take his hand in mine and say"I'm sorry about your grandparents." Chris pulls away from me and stares out of my bedroom window, did I say something that hurt him? He turns back to look at me and says"I should go it's getting late, I'll come by tomorrow to check on you. You have to stay strong Jesse everything will get better don't give up just yet. I'm here for you, you're not alone." He leans in and kisses my cheek then gets up and leaves. I touch my cheek where he kissed it and I can still feel the kiss lingering there, I've just been kissed by an angel.

Don't worry guys this isn't the end I just wanted to show you guys the connection between Chris and Jesse. This chapter is the truth about how Jesse's secret got out and it gives you a little look at Chris's past.
-Andri