Just Four Letters

Panic

I panic.

I don't know what else to do. What would you do?

My hands find Harry's hands first and- there's a pulse. But why's it so weak?

I leaned over him, my chest feeling as if there was a gaping hole in it. "Harry?" I call, hitting his face with the heel of my palm. "Harry!" I groan and stand up, rush to the kitchen, fill a cup with ice-cold water, and dart back. I literally dump the water on his face and he sits up, sputtering and coughing.

I ignore his look of confusion and wrap my arms around him. "Louis?" he gasps, shaking. "I'm sorry, but you... weren't moving." "I was... I passed out, I think," he mumbled. "Do feel okay? Are you dizzy? Nauseous? Faint?" "Lou, I-" "What happened, Harry?" "Louis, listen-" "I mean, we didn't panic at first, but then you didn't come. Do you know how we felt?" "Oh my God, Louis, I'm trying-" "And then I find you on the floor, pulse barely there, and you won't tell me why you-" "I had a panic attack!"

I stared at him, shocked. "What?" "Yeah." "Why?" "I read some more tweets and I thought about what I said to you. I take it back. I'm so sorry, Louis." He wrapped his arms tighter around me.

I didn't know what to do. When I was questioning my feeling for Harry a while ago, I went through that glass-punching stage to rid myself of the thoughts that maybe I was bisexual. Maybe I was in love with Harry. It scared the hell out of me so when I punched the glass and it broke... I felt better.

Harry's always been truly gay, though. He shouldn't be worried about what they think. Sure, he hadn't come out until recently. But... I just don't know.

I sighed and placed my lips to his temple. "I understand. I'm a bit mad, but that's okay. I'll get over it. Why? Because I love you, Harry. And nothing is going to change that, yeah?" "Yeah," he whispers.

~~~

"A panic attack?!" Liam snaps as he slips his luggage to someone in security. "Yeah," Harry says with an eye roll. It's been three days since the incident and Harry was just now telling the other lads about it. Liam's reaction is the reason for the wait.

"So, what? You passed out?" Niall asked. I followed him up the steps onto the private plane. "Yes. Lou woke me up." I nodded once, not too eager to join the conversation.

"And you didn't go to the hospital or anything?" Liam presses. "It wasn't a big deal!" "Louis!" "Don't bring me into it, Liam," I growled. "You were there!" "Let's pretend I'm not here," I snapped. Liam carried on protesting as we sat down in the plane seats. I immediately put my ear buds in and closed my eyes.

I felt the seat shift beside me and knew it was Harry because he molded our hands together. I opened my eyes to meet his, which were glassy. I pulled out my earbuds, pulling my eyebrows together. "Are you okay, love?" "I'm sorry, Louis. I'm sorry I freaked out and scared you and made you worry about me. I'm sorry I tried to break up with you and I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm sorry I-" I brought my lips to his, the first kiss in a while. I barely talked to him since I found him in the loo the other day.

Harry's hands found my face as he kissed me. I tried to pull away, but he whimpered and I just felt so... Bad. I let him kiss me further until something hit my head. "Oi!" I whined, rubbing my head. "Well stop snogging!" Niall said with a chuckle. Liam was sitting alone, far away from everyone else. Zayn was in a seat next to someone in security. Niall was alone as well, but in the seats across the aisle from Harry and I.

"Go apologize," I urged Harry quietly. "I didn't do anything to Liam!" "You need to apologize to everyone, Harry. You kept that from them. They're your best mates. Niall and Zayn are probably upset as well. Zayn didn't even say anything at all." "Well...I guess when we get back, I'll apologize at one time." I smiled softly and kissed his cheek. "There we go."