//synesthesia// a phanficton

Dan's POV

On the way back home I decided what I had to do. My head swirled with blackness. I couldn't bear life without him. I would leave him a note so hopefully he'd remember our love. Our brief, yet so real, love. It was such a short time. Only over a week. I loved him and I was sure of it. He was the only one. He made me feel alive. Made me feel needed. I need him. As pathetic and sad as I sound, I need him more than he'll ever know. My pink feeling grew stronger an I began to sob harder.
My mental stability has never been the best. Now it hardly existed. Where was my mental stability? Gone? Gone like Phil. Like this blackness. Like all of the blackness I could hear and feel and see.
I didn't want to find it. I wanted Phil. Needed him. I pulled into my driveway and stopped the car. I hopped out quickly and ran upstairs to the more secluded bathroom. I did this quickly so I wouldn't change my mind. Everything was a blur. I just needed this hurt to be over.
As I looked for the razor blades in the drawer, I began to think. The tightness in my chest wouldn't go away. I was still sobbing. He didn't know what was best for me. He didn't at all. I shrunk down the wall, tucking into myself just like Phil had. This pain in my heart made me want to tear off my skin. I wanted to scream so loud that it shredded my vocal chords to bits but mom would hear that. My vision went crimson tinted.
I sat there, waiting for someone to stop me. Waiting for a sign from up above. From somewhere. It felt like I waited hours. I set out my razor blade and my pen and paper. I began writing.

To my loved ones,
I'm truly sorry it had to be this way. I can't stand the pain that was recently brought upon me. I loved him and my heart is broken. He's all I ever wanted. This is pathetic, this is sad. I just know this is the only way I'll ever feel better. Don't try to stop me. I want this. I need this like I need Phil. My life is already dull and empty without him. He is what I have been missing my whole life and he left. I love you mom. With all of my heart I love you. Thank you for taking care of me and loving and supporting me. I want to see your smile again but I can't. This isn't your fault. I love you too Phil. Even if you can't feel the same way, just please remember for me.
Goodbye.

I reread it and reread it. It was now or never. I picked up the blade, shaking like there was an earthquake. With a gasp I cut into myself. I made it bite into my skin. Harder. I could feel my head going dizzy. My dizzy head made it harder to think about him. About me. About anything. My worst ran crimson. It spilled onto the floor and all over my clothes. It spilled everywhere. A sick smile curled into my face. I laughed and looked as the door opened. My brain went fuzzy. My head slapped to the floor and my tinted vision went just as I heard a scream.