who you are

Part 13

When I was getting ready for bed that night I was reflecting over the day. I found it hard to believe that in less than a few minutes of meeting Daniel I was his girlfriend. Another thing I found really shocking was that he was really nice. How was he so perfect and me the exact opposite? Then there was Jake. He was going to be a big problem but I guess we can solve those when we hit them.

See how I said when not if. Yeah, there will be problems just wait. Okay so I'm not for sure but with the way, my life goes nothing is perfect. I came up with a quote about a month ago,"I don't resist happiness; happiness just doesn't come to me." I know I sound like some depressed person and all but with the rate my life was going until today I was. I might seem like I'm doing really good and having no problems but on the inside, I'm really just dead and rotting away.

A good way to explain this is a rotten coconut it's really tough and good at not showing the insides. You think that when you crack it open you will get this nice pure food but instead, you get this dead shriveled up disgusting moldy no good insides. The outside of the coconut being what emotions I tell you about and show in my facial expressions. The inside of the coconut is the feelings that I am actually feeling that you most likely won't see.

When you crack open a coconut you have to work really hard to get to the inside. Similarly, it will be hard to get to what I'm actually feeling. Even for Daniel, it might be easier for him but it will still take some time. Then I realize that it took Jake almost no time at all. Stop it no you were not in your right mind last night and you aren't right now either so just stop stop stop you have Daniel and he is perfect for you. Jake doesn't even like you like that.

Okay, I'm back. I am calm. I am good. I'm as normal as I get. In other peoples opinion that's never but what do I care. Is there actually a halfway decent definition of normal? "Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected," is the definition of normal. I think that I don't even want to get started. This is going to get ugly just a warning okay here goes. WHAT KIND OF DEFINITION IS THAT?

WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE WHO YOU ARE? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SOME FAKE PERSON? WHY WASTE ALL THAT ENERGY BEING SOMEONE YOU AREN'T? WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE THE SAME AS EVERYBODY ELSE? GET A LIFE PEOPLE! IT HAS NO REASONABLE DEFINITION. I KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE CONFORMING TO SOMEONE's STANDARD OR THE USUAL. OH WAIT YOU CAN'T BE UNEXPECTED EITHER. BORING!! Ok, I'm calm.