who you are

Part 27

The tears started to run down my face,"No you're worth way more to me than all of them combined they are worth nothing to me." He looked at me concerned," Are you sure Alex? I mean you took it really hard when this whole thing started. You were cutting yourself, became anorexic and I'm sure there's more that you didn't tell me, but if you really don't want to then that's great. I just don't want them to treat you like this anymore."

"I really don't care what they do. I have already sent my transcripts to another school so I don't have to deal with them anymore," I told him. Then the session started and so we both stopped talking. I really wanted to get out of there and I would have if this wasn't for a grade. I glanced over at Daniel a few times and he seemed to be looking in Megan's direction it didn't look like he was happy.

I got a text from Megan later that day,"Hey, I'm really sorry for the way I acted today it wasn't right for me to do and I should not have said the things that I did. They were rude and I understand if you are going to hate me for it." I decided to not respond or maybe have Daniel respond for me. I really thought that this would be the one friendship that could have been saved from that group but after today I think otherwise. 

I never really told anybody this but every day I live with the thought that I'm not supposed to be alive. I was born prematurely with underdeveloped lungs. I should have died but I didn't and as a result, I realize this and think that the world would be better without me. I mean who wouldn't think that when only one person truly cares about you. Especially if they care about you more than your own family does. 

I'm my family's punching bag. I'm there for them to take their anger out on but when it comes to privileges it's like I don't exist. Yep thanks, everyone I love you too thanks for being the kindest and most loving people ever. If it comes to doing something fun; oh she's busy we'll let her get her homework done but if it's chores get down here; I'm doing homework; we don't care you need to get your butt down here.   

Yep, that's my life. Wouldn't you love it? I'll gladly give it to you. Then I have everyone wondering why I hurt myself and want to die. I wonder. Hmmmmm, let me think. Hey, Alexandra, you should go to a therapist no I need better friends and family. I'm sure the only person who would actually come to my funeral or even give me one would be Daniel because he's the only one who actually cares. 

A knock on my front door pulled me out of my thoughts. It was Daniel, of course. "Hey, were you crying?" he asked me. "Umm no," I replied wiping the tears running down my face. I should have said yes but then he would have asked why and then I would have had to explain ugh. "Hey Megan texted can you reply or read it I don't know what to do with it I already read it," I said. "Sure," he said while I handed him my phone.