who you are

Part 16

"Look, Jake, I'm really sorry this whole mess is my fault. I never treated you that great until this summer. I know that you and my brother kind of hate each other and so he was a real jerk to you and I supported him because he was my brother. I realized that my parents were wrong I can't support someone who treats other people badly just because they want to. If he killed someone would they still expect me to support him because he's my brother? That's not right," I said.

I continued,"Then we finally start to become friends and I actually enjoy it. Then we go and get really close and at a party, and it almost turns into more than just friends. Then the next day I go and completely blow you off and then that same day I go and get a boyfriend. I really suck." He looks at me for a second and then says,"I understand all that it's just that every time after I have spent some time with you I can't stop thinking about you. I'm sorry that probably sounds weird."

"No, it doesn't," I say. "I know that we didn't really get along before but we do now and I think that it was really nice of you to stand up for your brother. I just feel like no matter what you do I can't stop liking you. I have tried to shut you out of my mind, not hang out with you and just about everything imaginable to stop and nothing has worked," he told me. "I never knew that you felt that way," I told him. I felt like I just got stabbed with the amount of guilt that gave me.

"It's probably lunch time now I can walk you home," he said. "Its fine I can manage," I told him. Before I walked home he told me,"I don't want you to feel bad about this whole thing. It can't happen now, your with Daniel," he said and it was not snobby it was actually really sincere. "I shouldn't have done that. I feel like I liked how things were going and I just didn't want anything to change but I shouldn't have just gone to Daniel because of that. I really don't know because I knew that I liked Daniel but... wait what am I saying I feel like I'm just rambling I'm sorry."

He just said,"No its fine I'm glad that you're telling me these things. It helps me to understand what is going on." I was glad that things were going to be okay between us even though I had been a jerk to him once again. I'm surprised he hasn't given up on me yet because all I have ever done to him is treat him really bad and now I feel really bad. I should make it up to him somehow.