Musical Oneshots

Treebros - Left Behind

TW: Suicide and self-harm

Evan's POV

"C-Connor?" I called out as I knocked on his door. There was no response. Recently he had been getting worse. He had been smoking more and skipping school a lot. And then it took a turn for the worse when I found out he was cutting again.

"I-I'm coming i-in." I told him. I gripped the cold doorknob and tried turning it.

The door pushed open with no trouble.

Something was terribly wrong.

"Are you ready to go Evvy?" Mom asked me as she appeared in the doorway of my room. I looked down at the black suit I wore. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Because if I did, I knew I would break down again.

Nevertheless, tears pricked my eyes and I tried blinking them away. Mom's face softened and she pulled me into her arms.

"Its okay honey. We're going to get through this." She whispered in my ear as she rubbed my back. I could only sob onto her shoulder.

"Connor? A-Are you in h-here?" I questioned. His room was dark. All of the curtains were shut and the lights were flicked off.

"Connor, p-please answer m-me. I-I'm worried." I admitted as I walked farther into the room. My hands felt along the wall for a light switch.

I sat in the church's pew, blankly staring at his casket. With every passing second my heart shattered even more.

"Hey." Zoe muttered from behind me.

"H-Hey." I mumbled as I turned around. I saw her tear stained cheeks and red eyes. As her eyes flickered over my face, I knew she saw the same things.

"How are you doing?" She gently asked.

"A-Awful." I whispered, my voice cracking. Tears started dripping down my face again. I saw Zoe break as tears leaked out of her eyes. She wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug.

"I'm so sorry."

I found the switch and flicked it on.

"Evan, would you like to say something?" Cynthia managed to choke out as she stepped down from the pulpit. She tried walking back to her seat, but when she saw his casket, she crumpled to the ground. Loud sobs came from her mouth and Larry had to carry her back to her seat.

I gulped and stood up.

"C-Connor?"

"Connor M-Mike Murphy w-was my best f-friend. W-We would always g-go t-to the Autumn Smile O-Orchard and hang out. We would t-tell jokes only w-we u-understood. W-We would get i-ice cream f-from A-A La Mode n-nearby." I told them. I could feel the tears sliding down my face and dripping onto the wood of the pulpit. Taking a shaky breath, I continued.

I walked further into the room.

We were all standing outside in the cold as his casket was lowered into a grave. When dirt started getting thrown into it, I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to the ground and wailed. Tears blurred my vision and I could barely breathe. I felt like I was drowning.

A hand on my shoulder was the only thing tethering me to reality as I remembered when I found him.

I opened my mouth to speak again.

Instead, a scream fell out.

Connor, my best friend, was right there in front of me.

Hanging from his ceiling.

I could see notes in his pockets and all over the floor. His eyes were open and glazed over, no longer full of life. His hoodie was on his bed. I could see the scars, old and new, all over his bare arms.

Some were crusted over with blood. I saw a bloody razor on the floor. I picked up a note as I heard footsteps rushing up the stairs.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Now I was all alone. Mom had gone to the car, leaving me to talk to him.

Everyone had left a long time ago.

I sat on the frozen ground and stared at the newly churned earth.

"H-How could you? I c-can't go o-on without you C-Connor. I thought y-you w-were getting better. I s-should've noticed. I'm s-such a h-horrible friend." I rambled. I heard loud, broken sobbing.

The sobs were mine.

"I wish I could've told you I loved you!" I screamed. I paused. A part of me hoped this was all some cruel joke. That I would just wake up from this nightmare. That Connor would jump out from behind that tree and start laughing because I fell for this prank.

But none of that happened.

"M-Maybe it w-would've made a d-difference. Maybe y-you would've d-decided t-to stay." I whispered, my voice hoarse.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Please do not blame yourself for my death. It was my own choice. If it makes you feel better, you were one of the reasons to stay. Who am I kidding? It won't make you feel better. I know this will tear you apart. But you have to move on. I don't want you to cry over me forever. You have a life to live, full of joy and happiness. I wish before I decided to do this I would've told you that I love you. But I'll be gone by now. So, here we go. I love you Evan Hansen. A lot.

Sincerely,
Me