The Piano Knows Something I Don't Know

What is addiction?

What is addiction?

A few days later, I decided to go shopping in downtown Old Haven. I needed to buy a gift for Brendon's birthday, and although I had no idea what to get him, I knew that I could find something in one of those little shops downtown. Immediately after Public Policy finished, I ran out of the Beiju History Center and went straight into the city to search for a present.

I walked past the Aubergine on my way into town, and it seemed a little bit odd to see the familiar neon purple sign during the day. I thought about Brendon and wondered where he was. Could Brendon be inside the bar, or was he in his apartment? I briefly imagined Brendon in class at Yale before I remembered that he had dropped out. He definitely wasn't there.

I spent a few minutes considering where to go first. What should I get Brendon anyways? What would be a good present for a twenty one year old? I had no clue, so I thought of all of the things that Brendon might enjoy. However, I couldn't come up with any good ideas.

On the corner of 4th and Fremont Street, I found a tiny bagel shop, and upon smelling a whiff of asiago and cream cheese, I went inside. I then bought myself a bagel and took a seat next to the window. All sorts of people walked by as I ate my bagel, from large groups of Kale students laughing with their friends to two parents trying to keep their kids under control to old, bitter men and women waiting to cross the street. I watched each and every one of them, hoping that I could find some way to solve my predicament. Admittedly, stopping to eat and watch the residents of Old Haven wasn't exactly helping me find a gift for Brendon, but I needed a few moments to think.

The words that Brendon had said over the past few nights replayed in my head. I still had a hard time believing that Brendon was an alcoholic, but perhaps I was just in denial. Was this the life that I wanted? Did I want to spend the rest of my days pining for an addict? I wasn't sure, but as I thought about it, I realized that Brendon truly was my soulmate. I would be a fool to leave my other half.

Certainly, Brendon did have his flaws, but my life was still on the right path. I still had my soulmate, and I was on my way to becoming a philosopher. I had everything I wanted, so why did everything still feel so wrong?

In the end, love was a dangerous blues. It wasn't the perfect paradise that I had previously thought that it was, but that didn't mean that it wasn't worth experiencing. Even if Brendon was an alcoholic who had dropped out of Yale, I still needed him. It was like I was addicted to Brendon.

I was in no hurry to cure myself of my own addiction, but I did need to find a way to help Brendon. Although he denied it, Brendon desperately needed my help. However, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I needed more time, and I definitely didn't want to ruin Brendon's birthday.

After some consideration, I decided to wait until after Brendon's birthday. Whatever I was planning to do could wait, and I didn't want to ruin my boyfriend's special day. I imagined all of the ways that we could spend his birthday together, and as I daydreamed, I remembered why I had come into Old Haven in the first place.

I finished my bagel and left the shop, and as I wandered around the town, I decided that all of us were addicted to something. I could hardly fault Brendon for his addiction when everyone had something that they just could never get enough of. I probably had even more addictions than Brendon did. Waiting until after Brendon's birthday was the best option in this situation. His drinking was definitely an issue, but it wasn't an urgent one, or at least that was what I told myself. Besides, as an addict with a pen, I probably wouldn't be able to help him very much.

Eventually, I stumbled across the music shop that Brendon had spent so much time in during our first date. I entered the shop and looked around, wondering if there might be something inside that could make a good gift. I walked around the store, looking through rows of records and musical memorabilia. At first, I couldn't find anything, but I then remembered all of Brendon's records that sat in his apartment without a record player for him to listen to them on.