My Angel ~ a dan howell x reader fanfic

The afterlife

it is required that you listen to the music while reading, it makes the experience better.  

(y/n)'s POV

It's an odd thing when you first die. I remember sort of floating in this darkness, contrary to many people's belief of a bright light. It was like being in a dark room, but the floor was non existent, floating around in some weird form of zero gravity. After a few of what I assumed was days, I appeared back in my old flat, exactly as I remembered.

It took quite a while to get fully used to being an angel, we tend not to call ourselves ghosts. There was a whole system and government after you die, but I wouldn't exactly call this afterlife heaven.

I was trapped, my soul bound to this London apartment, only allowed to leave for short periods of time before I would become weak, faint and end up back here. Angels could spend their time to their bound place or up in Heaven as we used to call it. When I was alive. Ambriel, the head angel, taught me the ropes after finding me in a panic in the middle of my living room floor, when I discovered I couldn't hold my beloved necklace passed down from my great grandmother.

I had been an angel for relatively 4 months according to Ambriel and he had taught me most of what I know, like how to materialize and warning signs of when I needed to get back to my soul binded location.

Now I was sitting, thinking about all the people I'd never see again, or at least, until they die. I remember the night I died, out with a boyfriend that never really cared about me. He was drunk and forced me to drive with him, ending up in the loss of my life. I pinched the delicate chain in my hand, wishing I could wrap the beautiful necklace around my neck where it used to be.

"Thinking about it again?" I glanced up at the familiar voice, my only friend in the afterlife.

"How can I not Ambriel? I miss it. I miss being alive." I said, dropping the necklace once my hand got tired.

"I wish I could help, but you know my limits." he said, leaning, or rather floating, against the wall. I knew what he referred to. He could only resurrect me if I had a clear cut and important reason for returning.

"I know." I said, dejected and tired, though I couldn't sleep. Or eat. I miss eating.

Time spent as an angel was wasted on doing nothing. There wasn't anything to do. Being dead, always just felt hollow, like a deep, cold cavern that was barren of life. Nothing could fill it, just endless time being wasted away by nothingness.

"So what did you do today (y/n)?" Ambriel asked.

"Nothing. Just Netflix I stole from the neighbors." I said.

"Along with their wifi? On a stolen laptop?" he asked.

"What they don't know, won't hurt them. I just pray they don't move." I said. He rolled his eyes.

"You're a rather different angel. I thought they were supposed to be good." he complimented.

"Don't humor me." I replied. "Let me live my boring ass death in peace." I said.

"Why are you so salty today?" he asked.

"Just because you recently met a dead person who said that doesn't mean it's cool." I countered.

"Whatever, call me when you're free."

"That's literally whenever. I'm dead." I sassed. He held up his hands in defeat and disappeared. I groaned, deciding to check up on Adam, my old boyfriend. He wasn't doing so well, along with my family and friends, but it's not like I really care. He's the reason I'm here in the first place. I tucked my necklace under a broken floor panel and headed out.

It was odd walking amongst those who cannot see me. I would occasionally get a few that could see me, but often times it was because I was accidentally materialized. I spent my time strolling and doing odd things in front of the people, laughing when they didn't notice. You had to have some fun. There would be that occasional other angel that I would see out, but it wasn't common. We don't go out much.

I approached the building, passing through the door and up a few floors to my boyfriends apartment. I watched as he hurried around, tidying things up. He had cleaned up his act after my death, which was a sight to see. He seemed okay today so I left, bored with his normal behavior. I noticed my best friend across the street at the coffee shop we used to sit at. She sat alone, sluggishly sipping her drink. I hurried my speed, hovering into the chair across from her.

Her face was long and tired, full of regret and sorrow. Before I died, we had a fun moment here in this coffee shop the morning before my death. We laughed, spraying coffee all over this very table to the worker's dismay. We had been laughing so much, we couldn't hold the coffee in our mouths, and when we left the worker, who had to clean up the mess, gave us a dirty look. We laughed it off and headed home. I remember her not liking Adam, she thought he was a bad influence on me, and she had told me not to go on that date. I should have listened to her, then could have been here, with her, enjoying coffee.

I looked up to find that I pondered much too long on the memory and she had gone. I stood up, and continued to explore, hoping to find her again.

To my pleasure, I found her outside an ice cream shop, this was where we used to go together when we were younger, and she seemed to be contemplating going inside.

She just continued to walk, but I decided to stay behind, taking her place outside and contemplating revisiting such profound memory. I quickly decided against it, siding with my fleeting energy and heading back to my flat. I was rather weak today, but hopefully I'd be better tomorrow. I hurried back to my flat to see a moving truck and my mother outside the building. Oh no. I fled upstairs, hiding all the stuff I didn't want to let go of just yet with my necklace. I watched as burly men took all my old life, past my sobbing mother who was overseeing everything. I reached out to place a hand on my mother's shoulder, it passing through her. I felt my eyes water and tears fell down my face, turning to mist as they hit the floor I walk on.

"Mom." I called out, my voice caught in my throat. The ice cream shop and now her. I broke down crying as she left with my old life. "Mom, please. I want to come back." I screamed, echoing into the emptiness.

"Shh, (y/n), it's okay." Ambriel comforted as he appeared to check on me. His arms wrapped around my figure, crumpled on the floor, but he was cold. I yearned for a warm touch, to be held, to be loved.

I died too young.

I have to get back.

Live the life I was supposed to have.

"Ambriel, not to be rude, but I would like to be alone." I say through choked sobs.

"Yeah of course, I understand." he stood up, disappeared, and I was left alone.

thank you for reading my angel!! this was a collaboration with @Calybear7 so go check her out!!

see ya next time

~jade