My Random Book About Randomness Part 1! !

It Hit Me Hard... Too Hard

Okay guys this will be very short, so yeah. Anyways I was told by this cold friend of mine, and she said something that struck me hard. She said, "You know they say if a person that hates everyone, actually used to love a person so much back then."

Yup! When she said that I couldn't help but be shocked that it really relates to me so much. I hate everybody like serious, I don't know why but I think it related to the person I loved. Oh? You guys are curious? Want me to say it?

Well, I did like someone. But this ain't those lovey dovey crush or puppy love things, I really did fell in love. Every time I'm around him I feel embarrassed, giddy, safe, and comfortable with him. I knew I fell in love and it was hard.

When I saw his cousin, he told me that his cousin (the one I loved) really liked me. Of course I denied that and didn't believe. But let me tell you this, my best friend liked him as well. I didn't get mad at her but I got mad at myself.

So because I cared for her feelings more than mine, I tried to give up on him so that he can go for my best friend. I really cared for her and I didn't want to see her hurt because of me, so I tried to pushed away my feelings for her.

But when this incident happened, it changed my whole life. But my feeling for him stayed since he was my crush from kindergarten. Yup! I loved him for 7 years and I held it. Soon enough I just loved him from afar, and I realized he liked some other girl.

To make the pain worse he completely forgot about me. I was hurt since I was his best friend, and when I found out I cried in the bathroom, cried in bed, cried after school, cried when I'm all alone, I cried all the time. And soon enough I hated people, I don't know how but I guess that's why.

I had no regrets, no remorse, no grief, no sorrow, no emotions when it came to people. I was completely emotionless and the only person who was able to show me a few emotions was my best friend. She was the person there who comforted me, supported me, and encouraged me to find a new guy.

But I gave up. I gave up my feelings for a person who doesn't even remember his own friend. The real thing I gave up on was loving. I never loved a person up till now. I already gave up on the guy and moved on from him and I completely forgot about him.

Well, that was until my friend said that line. It hit me hard and I tried to think that it wasn't related to me. But in the end it really did relate to me so so much.

So now I'm still emotionless. I literally can't feel happy, sad, anger, or anything! The only time I felt so happy was when I listened to Vocaloid Len and Rin songs. I was so shocked when I felt all the happiness in me, it has been so long since I felt an emotion like that.

I felt sadness when I did my first rejection. I rejected this very nice guy friend of mine, I told him I had no interest and that I was very really sorry. I could tell he was heartbroken and sad, I tried to hold in my tears that day. I then again cried alone, but something about the tears were different. It wasn't for my sadness I was crying for his sadness and broken heart.

I cried because I'm the one who did it. I cried because I broke his heart. I cried for not noticing his feelings. I cried for friend zoning him without even noticing at times. I cried because I was stupid I was so so stupid!!

That's when I realized I had cried for someone that isn't me. I loved him but as a friend, he loved me but not as a friend. I regret the time I rejected him.

I regret loving a person for 7 years who wouldn't even remember his own best friend. I regret rejecting the only person who truly did love me, and he loved my for 3 years. Right now, I regret everything in my life!

I just wondered what would've happened if I didn't reject him. But no I can't think of something like that, I know I sounded harsh but there was something in me that I should reject him. He wasn't the one, but he was the one who later became a good friend of mine.

Yeah, this is my life and it's messed up. Like literally. I bet you are all curious about this 'incident'. But let me say this I have a lot more things that happened to me that changed me. I just wished I lived a normal life, but at the same time. Who wants a perfect life when you can have a tinge of hardships and adventures? 🙂

Anyways I guess that's all, I'll tell you all when I'm ready. But if you're curious you can always PM me, and just so you know it has to come with a price. I'm not one to tell my past that easily, I'm not stupid from back then. I'm now smart and keen, and I know stuffs a lot. I sometimes feel like I know what's going on to your future or your love life.

But who cares anyways! Who even wants to know someone like me? Well, I hope this chapter wasn't too boring for you. So I'm sorry for wasting your time reading this, anyways bai!!

P.S: I'm pretty sure you know about the whole rejecting thing, GreninjasStar Sorry again for stressing you out, I'll try to make it up to you!! 😋

Also follow the guy, he's cool and I bet you're cool too! BAAAAAIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZ!!!!!! 😆