His Demons (PaperHat Mpreg)

~Chapter 4~

Dr.Flugs PoV

I only did it because I was nervous to tell him. I had to figure out how I would eventually break it to him. The worst came to my head, thinking that maybe he'd see me as a freak after this. Or that maybe he wouldn't what the baby at all. Ill admit, it was a shock to me at first, confusion and nerves wracking over me like I'd never felt before. But I had the sudden urge to protect the child under any circumstances. I felt obligated to do so.

Unfortunetly, a lot of these stressful feelings lead me to locking myself away. Yet as soon as I did it, i couldn't help but be absolutely restless. I was so used to being up and around, working and such, but now I was stuck in the small and confined space of my room. It brought me to a few restless nights, missing BlackHat by my side. Of course It was a little less lonely with 5.0.5 there, but it wasn't the same.

It was hard for me, but I just needed time to think. I definitely wouldn't be in here throughout the whole duration of the pregnancy but it was a start.

Everything was going fine for the most part. 5.0.5 managed to make good company for me, and I had books. Of course I was still restless but I didn't plan on being in there for too much longer.

And now we're here...

BlackHat stared at me, with a silence around us that was enough to make me shiver slightly in discomfort. The first words to leave his mouth was a question, to which I shamefully answered, putting my head down in the process.

He turned his head away from me, and I heard snakey breaths come from in front of me, causing me to look up. Thick tears poured down his cheeks, and my eyes couldn't help but widen at the sight. The next words he uttered...made me completely speechless.

"I'm sorry..." he said in a soft voice. I was quiet and he looked up at me, his eyes glossed over with the salty tears that had not yet poured down his dark cheeks. "I'm so sorry Flug..." he said again. Finally I found myself blinking, no longer in my speechless state as I found words to say.

"What? No, no, no, no, BlackHat, baby its not your fault, come on now, no. Why are you sorry?" I asked. I leaned forward, rubbing his cheek with my thumb, making him look up at me. The look in his eyes was so broken, it made my heart clench just to see it. I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying my best not to cry when I heard him whimper and lean into my hand.

"I'm sorry....I'm sorry that you felt like you had to hide. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't tell me. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry I can never apologize enough for everything bad I've done to you. I'm sorry that you were scared of telling me..." he took a breath, and by this time I was already in full blown tears. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my shoulder. "I...don't deserve you," he said, a small sob following afterwards. I've never really seen BlackHat cry, nor had I ever seen him apologize. I felt terrible for this. I did this to him, all because I was too afraid to tell him in the first place. It was all my fault and there was nothing I could do about it except hold him and cry.

"No...no BlackHat stop. Its not your fault. I was the one who wanted to hide, I was the one who did this. I was just nervous, I didn't know how you would react. I didn't even know how to react in a situation like this. Yes I was scared but it wasn't your fault, never feel like it was your fault," I said. Hot tears still streamed down my face and I held him tightly. Another silence was held between us before I let out a snakey breath. "I understand if your upset with me..." I said quietly.

He pulled away, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, i got to see a small smile crack his lips. One of his hands rested on my cheek and the other found its way to the small bump on my stomach.