Forgiving You

Chapter 4

JACK'S POV

I had to. I couldn't lose Alex. She means the world to me and I would never, EVER intentionally hurt her. She taught me what a real relationship is. That it's not just about what is on show, making out or sex, it's about who the people in the relationship are like. 

I was so oblivious to what love really was when I was with Charlotte. To her it was just about social image and showing off in front of everybody. But to Alex, it's so much more. She doesn't care about people think of her or her actions. She does she thinks is right and what makes her happy.

Yeah, I probably am a selfish son of a bitch, but if anyone knew how much I cared about Alex, they wouldn't blame me. Love makes you do the stupidest things. Right?

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I had been trying to convince myself that all day, but I still couldn't feel the guilty feeling rising within me. I hadn't lied completely. It wasn''t ALL Lizzie's fault, but it wasn't all my fault either. I hadn't stopped Lizzie soon enough and now the guilt was eating me alive. 

I remember every single detail of that night. How could I forget a thing like that, however drunk I might have been?

To add to my current worries, Charlotte had come up with something, and I'm sure as hell, that it is something to do with that night. 

Eventually Alex would find out the truth, if Charlotte told her, or worse if she told the whole school. I knew that it would be better if I told Alex what really happened after the party, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

After Alex left the cafeteria, I thought about the real reason that she might have left me, and it hit me in the guts like a double fist punch. I had reminded her about the whole situation again, which made her cry. Alex might not care about what people think of her, but she was sensitive, and me being the selfless jerk that I can be sometimes, had made her cry.

It hurts me so much to see Alex crying over something that I did. Like a thousand knives individually penetrating my heart and soul, letting me bleed out, sucking the life out of me.

I never realised I had become like this. So dramatic, so soft, so.. so.... caring. I had been a player. Nothing but a player. I never cared for any of the girls I slept with, but I wasn't an irresponsible idiot either. My mum didn't raise a fool. I had my limits and rules to. I would never take someone's innocence. I'm not cruel.

Me and Charlotte had a...interesting relationship. We weren't exactly together, but we were. I would flirt with girls all the time and she would flirt with guys. We weren't betrothed, or whatnot, to each other. Then I met Alex. She was different to all the girls I had ever been interested in. 

For the past hour I had been aimlessly driving around, with no particular destination. I couldn't be bothered to go back to school. Lessons were the last thing on my mind and I wasn't in the mood for physics, European history and something else I don't even remember. 

I had finally ended up driving to the most magical place in the world. For me. It was my spot. The spot I had shown to Alex on our first date. It was our spot now.

My dad had first shown me this place when I was 7, the year before he died of malaria. He, too, had shown my mum this spot when they got married. It's a special place for everyone in my family, apart from Joey, my little sister, who hasn't seen it yet. Everytime I come here I remember my first date with Alex.

Sitting on the bonnet of my car, I stared down at New York City, the sun was starting to set and all I could hear was the faint car honks in the background. Nothing else. Peace and quiet. I rested my head against the windscreen and remembered that night...