chapter nineteen

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Harry looks at me, concern drawn on his face. I shuffle over, and he stands between Hermione and I. He passes Hermione a cup of something hot, glancing at me awkwardly.

"Sorry I didn't know-"

"No, it's ok, I don't want one anyway," I say quickly. He looks down at me, hesitating,

"Are you ok?"

I consider losing it at him but I don't have the energy. "No, I'm not."

"I swear to god if Malfoy-"

"I broke up with him, and he didn't do anything that would provoke any sort of homicide, Harry, calm down," I say cooly, he sighs, looking down at his drink. He then gives it to me.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice tight, "I know you two- I know you got along really well."

I take a sip of the hot chocolate he gave me, smiling. We like our hot chocolates the exact same- half a sugar and a little extra chocolate and a little more milk. I sigh, looking into the swirling cup. I need to change the subject.

"How's Slughorn going?" I ask him.

"Good," He answers, "He's- Well I asked him about Voldemort after the dinner."

I look up at him, "What did he say?"

"He said that Voldemort was just like a normal student. He was ambitious and wanted to be an upper-class wizard, but he wasn't evil." Harry answers,

I nod, not sure how to respond. "Well, I suppose he wasn't always a monster."

Harry and Hermione nod, glancing at each other. Awkwardness settles in the air.

"So, Hermione, who are you crying over?" I ask.

"No one." She lies,

"Ron," Harry answers, and I grin.

"Of course. It's about time." I say, taking another sip of hot chocolate.

"It is not about time-" She debates, but Harry gives her a look and she stops. I look over at Harry.

"And what about you? How's the love life going?" I say, and Harry goes a bit pink. I raise an eyebrow, "Not all that bad by the looks of that."

"It isn't all that good either, though." Hermione chides in, glancing at Harry,

"Who is it?"

"Ginny." She answers, and I nod. Ginny's had a crush on Harry for ages, so I'm happy he's realised he likes her. She's a lovely girl, trustworthy and funny. I mean, apart from that one time she soaked my clothes in lake water. That was not trusting or funny.

"She's dating Dean, though, which throws a spanner in the works," Hermione adds,

"Ah," I nod,

"Indeed," Harry says,

We stand together in silences for a moment then, feeling the cool breeze brush against us, and the snow land in our eyelashes. I wish we could just be kids. I wish we didn't have to worry about the wizarding world and what might happen tomorrow, or whether our families are safe. I'm so sick of worrying. I wish our only problems were with our romantic relationships and homework. I wish that I didn't have to look over my shoulder every five minutes. I wish I felt safe in this castle.

Unfortunately, despite magic being real, wishing rarely works.

"Are you two going to the Christmas party?"

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