Lights, Camera, Slut it Up! [Boy/Boy]

Chapter 8: Empty

Lights, Camera, Slut it Up!: Chapter 8: Empty

               I moaned as a harsh ringing filled my ears. After the shoot, Cole and I grabbed lunch and hung around the shops till the sun set and the doors to all the clubs opened to all the partiers. We were grinding to the music one minute and Cole was passing me a tablet the next. Now I was passed out in Cole's bed... with my cell phone ringing incessantly. He nudged me, groaning as he managed to burrow deeper into his pillow. "Your phone."

I managed to push myself out of bed and grabbed for the annoying device before stumbling toward the balcony. "Hello?" I hadn't bothered to look at the caller ID, but I surely regretted that decision.

"What in the hell is wrong with you Nicky?" It was Maxwell's voice and he was pissed off. Thankfully the mid-morning air was helping me out of my drug-induced haze.

"What are you talking about Maxxie?" I rubbed the side of my face, making a mental note to shave.

He sighed, "You're doing porn again Nicky?"

"There's nothing wrong with it." I defended, remembering that a few years ago he had also been performing on camera.

"No there isn't." He agreed. "However, I know you. You use sex as a way of forgetting what's bothering you."

"Shut the fuck up." I hissed, hating that Maxwell did know me. "Why do you even care?"

"If you've forgotten, we're friends Nicky and I actually care about you." My hand clamped down on the handrail. I opened my mouth to speak but found I had nothing to say. I snapped my mouth shut and ended the call, stopping myself from throwing my phone over the rail and to the concrete floor below. I knew I had issues but Maxwell had no right trying to intervene. I could take care of myself...

I ambled back into the bedroom and lifted the edge of the comforter, exposing Cole's feet. I crawled under the blanket, covering his body with my own. I kissed his neck, sucking on the sensitive skin of his collarbone. He moaned, his eyes slit open in a mix of arousal and lust. "Morning." I smiled, aiming to forget about Maxwell and his stupid call. Sadly, Cole and I were both still fully clothed so I had no quick access. "How about we do another scene together?" I whispered, my voice low and husky.

Cole was instantly awake, "When?"

I shrugged, "Now?" He scrambled for his own cell phone and I couldn't help but laugh as he made plans with the studio.

              I sat through makeup and even tolerated the costume. They had me dressed exactly how I was yesterday, large bulky wings included. Apparently, I had enjoyed Cole so much that I had kept him as my own personal concubine. Since the first scene Cole and I did together was still in editing, they're advertising the two scenes as an event... which is probably how Maxwell found out about it so quickly. Despite sex normally being a release for me, I was feeling antsy and anxious. Thankfully nobody noticed so the scene went on as planned. Just as I had done previously, I filled out all the required paperwork beforehand so I had nothing to do until Randy was ready for Cole and I.

              Cole began the scene lounging on the bed, I entered reciting my lines, and we fucked. I had been able to keep my mind on the task at hand and by time Randy called it a wrap, I was ready to jump out of my skin completely. I needed to get out of here... I needed to get away from people.

"Are you okay Nicky?" Cole's face was still flushed and I could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was feeling completely blissed out.

I swallowed hard, "I'm great - I have a lot of work to do for class tomorrow." Honestly, missing one class wouldn't really affect my workload... not that I could focus on it if I tried.

"Okay." He shrugged, a goofy smile spreading across his face.

I made niceties through Randy's ramblings and all but dragged Cole to the door when we were finished. We drove back to his apartment but I didn't follow him up the stairs for a second round. I got into my car and began driving. I had no specific place in mind but I knew exactly where I ended up when I found myself surrounded by open grasslands and trees. I was only five minutes away from Chrystler's grave and I had to swallow down the pain blossoming and my chest.

              I knelt at Chrystler's gravestone, unable to stop the tears that were falling now. "I miss you." I choked out, the words burning. "What did I do that made you think you couldn't talk to me?" That was the number one question. It was what plagued me at night. Had he tried to talk to me and I didn't listen? Regret and anguish curdled my stomach. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." The silent tears were body convulsing sobs now. "You are everything to me." Chrystler had been the only one who knew everything... he was the only one I let in - and I let him down. I collapsed against his headstone, my fingers tracing the engraved letters that made up his name. Together we watched the sky change from blue to a variety of pinks and purples. "I love you." I felt the cool grass under my hands and briefly imagined they were Chrystler's hands. I would do anything to hold him again... anything for him to just be breathing again. "When I think about us, I still see us getting married." By now, my voice was completely flat. I couldn't muster any more emotions. I was holding on by a thin line as it was. "Sometimes when I hear Angel playing in her room, I wonder if we would have had children - what kind of parents we would be." We had never talked about having children but I think Chrystler would have made a great dad.

Despite the late hour, a car drove up the gravel road. I didn't pay any attention to it until it stopped behind my car. A woman holding a bouquet of roses opened the passenger door and headed right for me. "What are you doing here?!" Her voice was demanding and screechy. "You have no right to be here!" Her husband was close behind her. They were Chrystler's parents.

Honey-" he attempted to soothe her by running his hands down her arms but she shrugged him off.

"No. Chrystler is dead because of him!" She pointed the flowers at me accusingly. "My baby killed himself because of him."

Despite having heard it before, it still shoved dagger through my heart. "You are not welcomed here." His father looked like he wanted to comfort his wife but made no move to do so.

"I have every right." I defended weakly. I had the words but not the music. They didn't know me; all they knew was that Chrystler was with me. The whole time Chrystler and I were together, he never once introduced me to them. Nor did he ever invite them over to our apartment. He talked to them on the phone occasionally but that was the extent of it.

His mother looked appalled and his father clenched his jaw. "No." She breathed hard. "He was my son and I don't want you here."

I sighed heavily and started for my car, seeing no point in staying here. I had almost made it too when his father called after me. "Nicholas Tyler... you're Robert's son?" I didn't say anything. "The one he disowned?" They were business partners so he knew damn well who my father was. He cleared his throat and look down at me, "It's unfortunate enough that you caused my son's death - you don't need to come around upsetting my wife." I wanted to argue against him but I couldn't. Not when his words were scraping at the raw wound I attempted to cover with a pitiful excuse for a band-aid.

I got into my car and slammed the door, desperate to put some space between me and them. They hadn't cared about Chrystler - just like they hadn't cared about his older brother who had committed suicide when Chrystler was a kid. They didn't care until it was too late. I cared about Chrystler. I loved him. So how could I allow this to happen? What had I missed?

              I pulled into my parking spot, noticing my sister's van to my right. The second my engine was off, I lost control of the walls I built up and I broke down for the second time today. I cried until the empty feeling in my chest was all I had left.

A/N

I hated writing this chapter XP