Lights, Camera, Slut it Up! [Boy/Boy]

Crystler's Suicide Letter

A/N - Please Read!

I normally don't post author's notes in the beginning of a chapter, but it is important that you know you are IMPORTANT. If you have thoughts or feeling about self harm or suicide, talk to somebody. There is always someone out there willing to listen to you. They believe you and all of your feelings are valid.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

For those who can't talk, they also have an online chatting service :) 

I love you!

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Lights, Camera, Slut it Up!: Crystler's Suicide Letter

Nicky,

I love you and I'm so sorry that I put you through this. I love you so much and the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. Please don't hate me. I tried to be strong for you because you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I know you'd be there for me if I asked, but I don't know how. You deserve someone so much better than me and I know it.

I just can't listen to my parents anymore. I constantly hear them, telling me how much of a disappointment I am. How much they wished Harris was here instead of me. They don't accept me and they never have. Loving you was such a large part of me and they never understood that. It's getting harder for me to fake being okay. After Harris died, I blamed myself and I always wondered if there had been something I could have done. Please Nicky, don't blame yourself. There's nothing you could've done for me.

Truth is, I was always destined for disaster. When I met you, I thought I could change my fate, but all I managed to do was take you down with me. My brother and I were always fucked up and it's been hard living without him. I need you to promise me you'll continue living Nicky.

You have so many people there for you and I want you to depend on them. We all love you Nicky and I don't want you to try and drown yourself in meaningless sex and alcohol. You're so much more than that. I'm sorry I won't be around to see you opening your restaurant.

Maybe Maxwell will be. I know he's in love with you and I want you to be happy. You have my blessing with Maxwell, or anyone else you choose. I love you Nicky and I hope you can forgive me.

Love, Chrystler