Billy Carter

Chapter 26: Pulling Teeth

"You remember this the next time you think of hiring some fucking thugs to beat me up, you little shit!" Dad growled in my ear. "You remember that I've got backup of my own, and we know how to beat the shit out of you without leaving a single mark for the cameras to see! Pathetic bender!" He spat on me. "Let that be a lesson to what you're asking for!"
He stomped out of my bedroom, my uncles Don, George and Arnie following him, calling insults of their own over their shoulders at me as they went.
Dad had come home last night battered and bruised - some group of three or four guys had cornered him in an alleyway and beat him up. The only thing they said the whole time? Leave the kid alone.
It had to be Jimmy's doing whether or not he was actually present. He was the only one who knew, the only one I'd told, and the only person I knew who would have connections to people like that.
Whoever it was, that message was all the evidence Dad needed to blame me. He was livid. He took the day off work, rang up my uncles, and the four of them cornered me in my bedroom to give me a taste of my own medicine - and then some, of course.
My whole body ached too much for me to even pick myself up off the floor. I couldn't do much more than just lie there, a shattered, sobbing, gasping mess. The pain and the humiliation was too much. My dignity lay in tatters, my self-respect and self-worth was dust in the wind and I wanted to die.
I mean I really wanted to die. I'd have thought that having Eddie and Johnny and everyone else around and all the media attention about the whole thing would've made Dad more cautious, but if anything it only made everything worse. He was easier to set off, he was drinking more and he was always looking for an excuse to harm me. I tried to tip-toe around him and I'd go out of my way to be extra nice to him - but I still couldn't get it right.
On top of that, my grades had dropped drastically at school. I couldn't focus, and without Ollie's help I was lost. I'd been relying on him way too much, and I couldn't keep up by myself. My teachers were all getting on my back about my grades too, which pissed me off, so I was snapping back at them - which got me a lot of detentions. Even Harry wasn't letting up! My grades had gone from sevens and eights to twos and ones - if I handed my homework and assignments in at all. These grades didn't help my situation with Dad either.
And my social life had more or less gone down the toilet - but that was my doing. I couldn't stand to be around my friends, I felt so worthless and undeserving. They were nice and everything, no one was being mean or upset with me, but honestly, I think that just made me feel worse. Why did they have to be so understanding and forgiving without an explanation? I didn't deserve them. I need worse friends. Not to mention I was constantly terrified I was going to break down and tell them everything.
Work was more or less the same, but again, I'd withdrawn from my relationships there, and it was hard for me to find the energy to be the upbeat waiter and trainee-manager I used to be. I just... couldn't. I was totally drained. It was reflecting in my tips.
Eddie, Michelle, Holly and Johnny had gone back home to LA, and they wouldn't be back for another month - their coming across to England had been very last minute and they had to go home and get some things organised before they could come back - for a longer period of time now, to get to know me more.
I'd gone back to stealing, too. Mainly to afford cigarettes - I was smoking like crazy lately. I'd quit when Ollie and I had been dating because he hated it, but now I needed that stress relief back. Unfortunately, I had been caught a few times - stealing, I mean. Which would end up with another beating from Dad.
So that was my life.
School was shit, home was shit, work was shit, and I had no friends besides Annabelle - who I basically only saw for a snog every couple of days - and Jimmy, who I could now scratch from my list in light of recent events.

When I finally could get to my feet, I readjusted my clothes and stumbled to the bathroom to clean up. After I did that and got a grip on myself, I rang Jimmy.
"What's up?"
"You're a fucking arsehole!" I growled into the phone. "Thanks for nothing!"
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about my dad! Guess what? He was beat up last night, by three guys who told him to leave me alone! And guess who he took it out on? Your genius plan backfired brilliantly!"
"Shit, I'm sorry Billy, I-"
"You can shove it!" I hung up on him before he could hear me starting to sob again. I went downstairs. Dad was watching telly now, icing his sore hands.
"Your car's insured, isn't it?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Can I have your keys?"
He scoffed. "Why?"
"Because I can't do this anymore. I can't. So I'm going to find a nice quiet country road, build up some speed and then aim for a tree."
"Oh. You're gonna be in the car though? You're not gonna jump out at the last minute?" He didn't look up from the telly.
"I plan on coming home in a body bag, if that answers your question." He tossed his car keys to me. "Thanks," I muttered.
I found my country road after I'd been driving forty minutes. Nice straight stretch, plenty of road to get to speed. I double-checked I had my ID on me. I sent Mum a quick text, a simple "I love you". I'd never usually text while driving, but I was planning to die anyroad.
Now, everything was ready. At 70mph I lined up my tree and turned the radio up:
"Let's dance
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
Let's dance
To the song they're playin' on the radio."
It was Ollie's favourite David Bowie song - and as soon as that thought hit me his words after my last suicide attempt came tumbling back to me in a wave:
"Damn it Billy, what if you hadn't survived?" He'd said. "You'd be dead, so I guess that's where that all ends with you, but for me? For your parents? For your friends? Billy, I love you, we all love you, and I have no idea what I'd do if I lost you!"
I blinked away a stray tear and stared the tree down.
"Let's sway
While color lights up your face
Let's sway
Sway through the crowd to an empty space."
"You're only seventeen! You'd never have a legal beer at a pub. You'd never graduate high-school, you'd never travel, you'd never go to university, you'd never get engaged, you'd never get married, you'd never have kids, you'd never see fucking Green Day live like you've always wanted."
My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel.
"If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower"
That fucking song - all I could think about were Ollie's heartbroken eyes.
I stomped on the brake with both feet but I was too close to the tree, so I tried to swerve to the side. The blur of the tree and green pastures in the background, and the crunch of glass and metal and David Bowie singing were the last things I could remember before I was knocked out.