Billy Carter

Chapter 24: Another Brick In The Wall

I didn't go to school Friday either, and I hardly spoke to my colleagues at work. I didn't want to be around anyone outside of Blue Jean, and I spent the majority of my time in my room, only leaving for snacks, toilet trips, and a shower after Dad came in and...
He said he was helping.
My friends still tried ringing me and sending me text messages, but I ignored them all and put my phone on silent.
I was sitting on my bed wrapped up in my duvet like a little burrito (or a big burrito, I guess) watching horror movies. I jumped a good few feet in the air when I heard someone knocking on my door during a particularly tense scene. I looked up just as Annabelle stuck her head into my room, and paused my movie.
"Hi Billy," she smiled shyly at me.
"What are you doing here?!" I asked in surprise. Dad had more or less said I wasn't to have any friends over until further notice. She grimaced and closed the door behind her, but stayed awkwardly in front of the door, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.
"I'm - we - are really worried about you. I just wanted to make sure you're alright, and let you know that you can talk to me about it if you want. Everyone's confused about the thing with Ollie, but I think you did the right thing. It's better than leading him on for even longer."
"Oh. Well, thanks. I thought so too. I didn't want it to go down like that, but it was too late, and I figured the longer I left it the harder it'd be."
"Yeah, you're right." She left the doorway and sat next to me. "I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I'll always have your back. You can count on me, Billy," she assured me. "And, um," she glanced down at my mouth. "If it's too soon for you, I totally get that and I respect it, but I was wondering if - when you're ready - you'd like to finally go on that second date..? Obviously we'd wait to tell people, otherwise I don't think it's very considerate to Ollie. What do you think?"
"I think-" and that's when I saw Dad peering through the crack between the door and the frame, giving me a thumbs-up and mouthing "yes".
"Sure, I think that's a really good idea," I told her, drawing her attention back to me just as she was turning to look towards the door. I mean it was a little creepy, and it put me on edge that he was listening in, but what was I going to do? Defy him and get beat up again? Or worse?
She smiled brilliantly at me and I felt terrible. "Really? Oh, Billy!" She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. Dad gave me another thumbs-up through the door, then he left. I wriggled out of my duvet enough that I could free my hands and give Annabelle a quick squeeze back.
"So what are we watching?" she asked, making herself comfortable beside me.
"Ah, Jaws."
"Oh, I've heard about this one, but I've never seen it."
"We can start it from the start again?"
"No, don't worry."
"I've only watched ten minutes of it. I don't mind."
"Oh, well... alright then."
I re-wound the movie and started from the beginning again for her. I held up the duvet for her, and she snuggled into my side so I could wrap it around her, too. We cuddled a bit as we watched the movie, and I shoved aside all the guilt I was feeling about it - I mean, I wasn't actually cheating on Ollie because I'd broken up with him. If anything, I was cheating myself. And I wasn't doing it to hurt him - I just wanted to forget about it all, I wanted to get out of my own head for a while. Besides, we were only cuddling.
At first; by the time that shark was eating a little kid, I was rounding second base.
It was kind of interesting actually; I'd never done much more than kiss a girl before. I'd become pretty confident getting sexual with Oliver, but with Annabelle I felt like a virgin all over again. I was nervous and excited and completely blown away by her beauty, her body. It wasn't just her breasts, either - it was her hips, her smooth legs, her long hair, her pink lips, her sweet perfume, her delicate, feminine sighs and moans. She was gorgeous, and I was pretty sure she was just as nervous as I was.
I succeeded in my efforts to distract myself, too. She asked about condoms, but Dad had confiscated my supply - when I told her I didn't have any she said she was on the pill anyroad and was only asking to be doubly safe. Shortly after I was wrapped up in a sweet, sweaty, lustful haze - like a really, really good dream. Nothing existed outside of me and her. Until the brief euphoria subsided and I felt like shit again.
I pulled her closer, in an effort to bring back that endorphin and dopamine-filled haze I was craving so badly. She started to kiss me again, softly and tenderly. Sweetly. It felt good enough just to hold her. It was comforting. Like cuddling a teddy bear.
She looked at me and gently touched my face. "You poor thing," she said, tracing a particularly nasty bruise over my eye with her finger. "I didn't realise Kenny could hit that hard."
"Yeah, uh, fucker's got some strength."
"Hmm. He didn't look as bad as you when he came to school Thursday. Did he win this one, then?"
"I'll get him back, don't you worry," I assured her.
"No," she sighed. "Don't. You know he's one of my friends. I know he carries on like a dick but when you really get to know him he's such a great friend. Besides, I hate it when you get into fights, it makes me worry so much! I've been wanting to come over and play doctor for days, but you seemed like you needed some space," she told me.
"Mm. I don't want any space between us just yet," I told her, kissing her neck.
"Don't leave any marks, Bill," she told me. "It'll be hard enough to keep this from our friends as it is. I don't want to make Oliver feel any worse than he already is."
She may as well have dumped a bucket of icy water over me. Now I felt even worse than before - what had I done? I may as well have cheated on him! I felt horrible, I felt so bad I thought I might vomit. I felt ashamed, cheap, and dirty. Not to mention I'd just taken advantage of Annabelle's feelings for me. I'd lied to her, and I knew that if I'd been honest she never would have agreed to do this with me. I'd manipulated her and used her, and I felt like an utter sleazebag.
"Bill? Are you ok?" She tipped my chin up so I was looking at her, and I hurriedly blinked away some tears. I didn't like who I was being at the moment. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, taking my head in both of her hands and kissing my cheek.
I licked my lips, and the words struggled from my dry mouth as I started to speak to her. "Nothing, I just feel bad about lying to Oliver. I'm sorry, I think you should go. I'm so sorry, I just... I need to think. And it'll be time for dinner soon anyroad. I'm sure your parents are missing you. I'm sorry."
"Oh. Ok. That's fair. I'll see you back at school then...?" She seemed a bit disappointed, but I knew if she hung around much longer I was going to spill my guts to her. I couldn't risk it.
"Yeah. Sure. I'll text you."
"Ok. Good. You better." She got up and dressed. I grabbed my pants and trousers and put them on under the sheets. She frowned at me. "Am I imagining things or are you not comfortable with me seeing you naked?"
"Oh, well-"
"But you didn't seem to have any issues with me having sex with you."
"Um-"
"Alright, fine."
"It's not personal," I assured her. "I didn't, um, I didn't let Ollie see either."
"Why?"
"I guess I'm self-conscious."
"Oh. Well, I better be off then."
I walked Annabelle to her car where her driver was patiently waiting, parked outside in the gutter, to say goodbye properly. She kissed me again, and I waved as she drove off, before I went back inside.
Dad was cooking sausages on the stove and gave me a smile. "I'm proud of you," he told me. He leaned in a bit closer and checked the doorway into the lounge room, like he was wary of Mum coming through it. "See? You don't need Oliver," he said. "Keep going 'round with her, she'll keep your mind from wandering."
"I'm using her," I said glumly. "I don't want to do that."
"You'll do it because I'm telling you to." He snapped at me.
"Why can't I just be single? That way I'm not causing anymore pain than I already have," I argued. He punched me in the gut and I doubled over with an 'oof!'
"Don't talk back to me, William," he hissed menacingly in my ear. "She's your fucking medication, alright?" I nodded, gasping for air. "Watch your tone, boy - and what did I tell you about that attitude?"
"I'm sorry," I squeaked, and he laughed.
"Did you fuck her?" he asked, and if I wasn't already uncomfortable I certainly was now. "Answer me," he hissed, when I remained silent for too long.
"Yes," I mumbled.
"What a little whore-"
"Don't call her that!" I snapped angrily. "I don't want to do this, Dad."
"You listen to me, Billy. That ditzy little jailbait is your medication, do you understand? Any desires you have for Oliver, or any other boy, you focus on her instead," he said, standing up straighter and putting his finger in my face. I glared back at him.
"So does that mean that you're gonna stop raping me?" I asked drily.
He grabbed my wrist and moved the frying pan off the gas burner to bare the flame. "Dad, please don't!" I begged as he inched my hand closer and closer to the flame. I was pulling back as hard as I could, but he's so much stronger than I am. He held my hand over the flames and the heat seared my skin.
"Don't make a sound - or I'll put your face in it," he warned me, his voice dangerous and low; "that pretty little face everyone loves so much." I bit my lip and whimpered as tears stung my eyes at the pain. It hurt so much, I couldn't describe it. "Repeat after me, alright?" he asked. I nodded, trying to smother my sobs. "I promise never to question you, talk back to you, be in any way disrespectful or rude."
"I promise I won't ever question you, talk back or be rude and disrespectful - ever, I promise!" I said as quickly as I could.
"And I'll do anything you tell me," Dad continued.
"I'll do anything you tell me, anything you want!" I cried.
"Keep it down!" he shushed me.
"I'm sorry, please Dad, let me go!" I begged. I was going to scream from the pain soon, whether I wanted to or not.
He let go of me and I snatched my hand to my chest, sobbing still at the agony. Dad put the frying pan back on the heat, then he went to the sink and turned the tap on. "Give me your hand," he ordered. I gingerly extended it to him - it was bright red and the skin was already starting to blister and peel - and he held it under the cold, running water. I yelped and sobbed again, just as Mum came into the kitchen, changed out of her waitress uniform in fresh clothes.
"Billy, what's wrong?!" she asked in alarm, rushing over to me.
"Your idiot son decided to put his hand on the gas burner," Dad said grimly.
"It was an a-accident," I told Mum. She rubbed my shoulders soothingly and kissed the side of my head.
"Oh, baby boy. I'll go get you some antiseptic cream, I know we have some somewhere," Mum hurried off to look for it, and I glanced up at Dad, still with tears in my eyes. He was staring sternly at my blistering hand.
"I'm sorry," I said in a quiet voice. He glanced at me.
"Good."
When Mum came back she smothered my hand in antiseptic cream and bandaged it up. Dad dished up dinner, having pre-cut my sausages for me since I couldn't with one hand. He gave me an ice cream for desert.
I got up the next morning - a Monday - to go to school. Dad dropped me off with a final pep-talk in the car. Basically he just reminded me that if I fucked up I'd been taken away from Mum.
I walked in the school gates and was met with absolute chaos. There were TV cameras - and your usual photography cameras - everywhere. And journalists. There must've been thirty people in total, all stopped at the gates trying to convince Luke - Principal Connors - to let them into the school. And I had no idea why.
"Hey, what did I miss?" I asked Greg, who was whispering frantically with Tommy. They both turned to face me, looking pale as ghosts. "What? I don't look that bad, do I?" I'd checked myself out in the mirror this morning and most of my bruises had faded - my face didn't look so bad anymore, although the cheek was still a bit swollen (but Dad was going to take me to the hospital after school to get it checked out). "What's going on with this lot?" I asked them again, gesturing to the cameras.
"How come you didn't tell us?!" Greg replied, grabbing my shirt. His eyes were wide and he was coming off a little bit more than crazy.
"... That doesn't answer my question," I said, frowning in confusion at them both. I might've been a martian to them. I mean, I only missed three days of school.
"That's him!" Rose cried. I turned to see her pointing at me, then the camera men and journalists all converged on me, like a swarm of bees.
"William, get over here! Quick!" Principal Connors told me.
I was so confused, I tried to make my way to the gate to escape into the safety of the school grounds, but all these journalists were stopping me, asking me crazy questions I had no context for:
"William! William! What is it like to finally know the identity of your biological father?"
"What was your reaction to the news?"
"Are you excited? Disappointed? Angry, even, that he didn't reach out to you sooner?"
"What?" I frowned in confusion, stepping back to get away a bit - but they just followed me, until my back hit a brick wall. "What are you all talking about? I think you've got the wrong guy," I told them, looking around for a way out. They wouldn't take 'no' for an answer though, and pressed on with their useless questions - I had no answers to give them after all; I didn't know who my father is.
Harry, Mr. Skinerd and Principal Connors came to my defence then. They pushed their way through the crowd, and Principal Connors once again explained how many laws or rules they were breaking while the other two grabbed one of my arms each and protectively steered me through the crowd.
"Would someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on?" I asked my teachers, once we were safely behind the gate and out of earshot of the obviously confused journalists, who were still being lectured by Principal Connors.
"Billy, I'm sorry it all went like this, someone must have leaked the information about your family matters to the newspapers, television stations, magazines - all of it," Mr. Skinerd explained. Kinda.
"What? What family matters? Why is it such big news?" I asked. Mr. Skinerd frowned at me, and Harry put a hand on his shoulder.
"Leo, he doesn't know," Harry told him.
"What? You mean he doesn't know who his father is?"
"What's all this got to do with my father?" I asked. I was just going around in circles with these jokers. "What, did I miss something?"
"How does he not know?!" Mr. Skinerd exclaimed, completely ignoring me.
"It was only leaked early this morning!" Harry told him. "Obviously none of it's been on the news any where - that's why all the journalists are flocking here for Christ's sake! And his mother hasn't told him; he's never wanted to know who his father is!"
"I don't appreciate being talked about like I'm not standing right in-fucking-front of you!" I yelled out of frustration and confusion. The two adults looked at me, and then each other.
"Someone has to tell him," Mr. Skinerd pointed out.
"Please!" I agreed, nodding enthusiastically.
"Bill-"
"Leo, no! Let me ring up Nelly, he deserves to hear it from her."
"Alright, that's probably for the best. Let's take him to Luke's office - out of harm's way," Mr. Skinerd suggested.
"Good idea. Come on, Bill." Harry put his arm around my shoulders and steered me away towards the teachers' office building.
My friends caught us halfway there though: Tony, Trent, Cynthia, Jenny, Natalie, Annabelle and even Ollie.
"Bill! Is it true?!" Trent asked me, practically bouncing with excitement.
"I called it!" Tony cheered, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from Jenny.
"Why didn't you tell us? Or did you only just find out recently yourself?" Cyn asked me.
"What? Guys, I don't even know what's going on! What's everyone so exited about?" I asked.
"Wait, are you serious?" Annabelle asked, looking at me in disbelief. "Everyone knows! It's all over Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, Snap Chat - everything important!"
"What is all over Facebook and Instagram? Why are those people asking me all these ridiculous questions?" I asked.
"To get the scoop, of course!" Natalie told me. "Everyone wants to know exactly what's going on!"
"Tell me about it," I muttered.
"Alright, that's enough guys - get ready for your first class now," Harry told them all.
"Come on Billy," Mr. Skinerd put his hand on my shoulder, encouraging me to follow him inside the building.
We left my friends and went to Principal Connors' office. Mr. Skinerd and I took a seat, but Harry stayed on his feet as he dialed my mother's number and waited for her to answer. She didn't pick up the first three times he tried her, but luckily on his fourth and last attempt she reached her phone.
"Nelly! You need to come pick Billy up from school... There are journalists - paparazzi, whatever - everywhere, they're trying to pry information out of Bill... You don't know either? Christ, it's been all over the news this morning! It's out, Nelly; everyone knows who Billy's father is - well, except for Billy. He has no idea what's going on Nel, I figured it's best if you tell him yourself... I haven't seen Steve. I'll ring him if you like, while you make your way over. Alright. Bye, I'll see you soon." He hung up and turned to look at me with a sigh.
"Harry, what's going on?" I asked. I was so confused, all I knew was that some big secret about my parentage had been revealed, and typically, I was the last to know. It made me feel so anxious I could tear my hair out, like I was trying to claw my way out of some void in the ground but was somehow getting sucked further back in.
On the bright side, I wasn't worrying about Ollie, or Annabelle or the rest of my friends.
"Bill, I'd love to tell you, but it's not my place," Harry told me, coming over to put his hand on my shoulder. I flinched, but if he noticed at all he just ignored it. "This is for your mother to tell you. She's on her way, just give her half an hour." I still looked downcast, and he ruffled my hair and gave me a reassuring smile to try and cheer me up. "Hey, on the bright side you're missing class," he reminded me. Suddenly Mr. Skinerd leapt to his feet.
"Shit! I have a class to teach!" Mr. Skinerd exclaimed, rushing for the door.
"Not a word, Leo!" Harry called after him. Harry sighed again and dragged the armchair Mr. Skinerd had just been sitting in so it was across from me. He sat down with his hands clasped in front of him and gave me a grim smile. "So, how was your weekend?"
"Um... Fine, I guess. Mum picked up some extra shifts - she's been picking up shifts a lot lately - I guess she's still not used to financial stability," I told Harry.
"Mm," he agreed, looking down at his hands. "She's a hard worker, your mum."
"Yeah. I wish she could just relax though, and be around more."
"I'm sure she's got it under control," he told me. "Knowing your mum, she's on top of everything."
"Yeah. You and Mum are close, aren't you?"
"Well, I guess."
"Yeah. Did she tell you, um- well, I overheard her speaking to you on the phone the other week - Saturday the week before last I think - and I don't know if she told you this, but from what you were saying I thought you were my real father." I laughed awkwardly, not really sure why I was admitting the embarrassing story.
"What?" Harry laughed. "What made you think that?"
"You were talking about our relationship, you were saying how you were going to reveal 'our real relationship' to me, but you had to speak to Dad first."
"Oh? Oh." He stared off into space like he was contemplating something.
"Yeah. I misunderstood, obviously. I asked Dad about it, and he promised me you weren't my biological Dad. I should've known that, because if you were really my dad you wouldn't have left. You're not the kind of man who'd do that."
"Well, thanks Billy."
"It's true," I shrugged. "Dad didn't know what you meant either. What did you mean? About our real relationship?"
"Oh, I wasn't talking about you Billy. I, um, was talking about someone else. Does your mother know you overheard us?"
"I don't know. Probably. I'd assumed Dad would've asked her about it - he seemed pretty puzzled too. Anyroad, it doesn't matter."
"No, it doesn't. Your mum won't be long."
The door opened and Principal Connors walked in, breathing out a heavy sigh. He closed the door behind him and turned to me.
"Are you alright, Billy?" Principal Connors asked me. I shrugged, and Harry got up and put his hand on Principal Connor's shoulder.
"Luke, he doesn't know," Harry said quietly.
"He doesn't- what do you mean he doesn't know?!" Principal Connors asked Harry, glancing at me in surprise.
"Nelly hasn't told him yet, she and Ed- the father, didn't know it had been leaked," he said. "I just got off the phone with her; she's on her way now to speak to him."
"Jesus Christ," Principal Connors sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Are you thirsty, Bill?" he asked, turning to me.
"Um, a little."
"I'll get you a drink. Sit tight, alright? Harry, do you have a class this morning?"
"No."
"Can you please go to the front gate and wait for Nelly? I've called the police to get those fools off the school grounds, and they probably won't let her in unless someone's there to give the ok."
"No problem." Harry left and Principal Connors sighed again.
"Do you want some water? Or a fizzy drink?"
"Whatever," I shrugged. I didn't care; in my head I was still wading sluggishly through everything that was happening. Why was it such a big deal? Why were there journalists everywhere? Principal Connors left the office, and I sat in silence trying to organise my thoughts. For five minutes I didn't move or say a word, until the door opened suddenly, making me jump.
"I got you a bottle of water and a Coke. I didn't know if you were hungry or not, but help yourself to some crisps," Principal Connors told me, putting the spoils of the staff-room vending machine on his desk in front of me. I took the Coke and cracked it open. Principal Connors sat down at his desk with a mug of coffee. "How was your weekend?"
"How's Ollie?" I asked, and sipped my drink. I wanted to think about something else, and I figured this was a better can of worms. I'd get some answers, at least.
"Confused. Worried. Hurt." Principal Connors said. "How are you?"
"I... I'm sorry. I really am, I never wanted to hurt him, I just... I guess I just made a big mess of it all, didn't I? I'm good at that," I muttered bitterly.
"Seems to be. I think, if you stopped worrying about other people's feelings and focused on being honest with people, you could save yourself a lot of trouble," he said sternly, keeping his focus on his coffee. "But you're just a kid. You're allowed to make mistakes - as long as you learn from them." I didn't say anything, and he leaned forward in his chair. "What's wrong with your cheek?"
"Hmm? Oh," I reached up and touched it carefully. "I think it's broken - after my little spat with Kenny. Dad's taking me to the hospital tonight to get it checked out."
"He got you good, did he?"
"Yeah."
"From what I heard, wasn't much of a fight," he said, looking up at me.
"Well, it might've been over quick, but it only takes a couple of seconds to get a good hit in," I pointed out, not meeting his gaze.
"I suppose. I haven't been in many fights myself. What about your hand? What happened to that?"
"I, uh, accidentally put it on the gas burner. It was an accident."
"That was careless of you."
"Accidents happen."
"I suppose they do. So, does your dad know?"
"Know what?"
"That you've broken up with Oliver. That you were dating at all."
"Oh. No, he doesn't know. I don't think he'd like it."
"Do you think perhaps that's why you ended things with Ollie? From what I could tell, you were both very happy together Wednesday morning. Then Sean called you that name, you got into a fight, I spoke to your father about it and he took you home. Ollie went over to tutor you, and you broke up with him. You didn't come to school Thursday or Friday - Kenny was present both days. Your dad said you got beaten up pretty bad, but you didn't look too bad when I sent you home Wednesday. Your cheek was fine, then. Ollie told me that Annabelle spoke to Kenny last night about your fight, and he said he only hit you around the torso. Something doesn't add up." I didn't like the way he spoke, his tone made him sound like he already knew - or thought he already knew, at least - what was going on.
"What, are you calling me a liar then?" I challenged, getting angry, defensive and even a little bit scared. What if somehow he did know? What if I wasn't being clever enough, what if I wasn't covering it up well enough? He'd completely misunderstand Dad's intentions, he doesn't know him like I do. He'd tell the police or social services and then they'd take me away from my parents - I wouldn't even get a choice!
"That's not what I'm saying," Principal Connors said nonchalantly, looking back at his coffee absentmindedly.
"You're not denying it," I pointed out. He ignored me.
"I went to school with your father - your step-father, that is. He was a couple of years younger than me, but I shared a few classes with one of his older brothers - Arnold. Or Arnie, as we called him then. Those boys were always coming to school with bruises, but no one suspected anything because they were infamous for getting into fights with their classmates - and their parents were devout Catholics, after all. Never missed a mass, knew the Psalms off by heart - who would have ever suspected they were capable of the horrors they put those four boys through? Steven was the one who finally broke the silence. A guest speaker came to a school assembly to talk about family violence and abuse. Arnie was a loud-mouthed arsehole throughout the whole thing, making some really crude jokes and carrying on, but Steve just stayed very still and very quiet. Donald and George had left school at this point. Anyway, Arnie made some stupid comment and nudged Steve to get him to laugh or join in, and Steve just burst into tears. I remember it so well - I was horrified. I was horrified by what was going on, but I was even more horrified by how, when I looked back on it, all the signs were there. It was painfully obvious and I couldn't believe I'd been so oblivious. I felt so guilty, because if I'd actually paid any attention to those boys, I could've helped them. I understand now that there was no way for me to have known, and I've made my peace with that - all I can do now is try and protect my students. Did your father ever tell you that story? About the assembly?"
"... No. He doesn't like to talk about that stuff."
"I'm not surprised he doesn't want to talk about it. I wouldn't want to either."
"Look, just be plain with me, alright?" I asked tiredly. "What's your point? What are you getting at?"
"My point is that if you ever feel unsafe at home, for any reason, I'm here to help you. I can help you."
"What, you think my dad's been beating me up? Is that it?!" I asked angrily.
"I'm not saying that, Billy. Ollie told me some things, he voiced some of his concerns; he said he witnessed a bit of a nasty fight between you and your step-father and he felt the reason you were breaking up with him was because either you were scared that Steve would find out and possibly hurt you, or that Steve had already found out and was forcing you to break things off with him. He made me promise to at least let you know that if either of those are the case and you don't feel safe at home then we as a school can protect you, and we as a family will do everything in our power to help you get through it."
"Well you can tell Oliver to stop flattering himself! You can let him know that I'm done with him, and I've already moved on with Annabelle, alright?" I said angrily. Hurt him, distract him, hide it better. "I'm not a bender like him, I'm not a faggot!"
"William, that's enough!" Principal Connors exclaimed, his eyes burning with anger as he got to his feet. "All my son has ever done is try to help you! Regardless of your current relationship, I think he deserves some respect!"
"Fuck him! And fuck you and your accusations too!" I shouted back, standing as well.
"William!" I turned around to see Mum, Dad and Harry standing in the doorway. "Apologise this instant, or you're grounded for life!" Mum ordered me.
"Do as your mother says!" Dad chimed in, giving me a warning look. I bit the inside of my cheek and turned back to Principal Connors.
"Sorry," I said stiffly, only glancing up at his face briefly.
"Never mind, we have a more pressing issue," Principal Connors said, his jaw clenched. "Would you both like to speak to Billy alone?" he asked my parents.
"Yes please," Mum nodded. Principal Connors and Harry both left us alone in the office, and Mum took the seat Harry had been sitting in directly in front of me. I sat back down too, and Dad pulled another chair over to sit next to Mum. He took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. They both turned to me and Mum took a deep breath. I didn't realise I'd been holding my breath until she did that.
"What's going on?" I asked. "All I know is it has something to do with my father - biological, I mean."
"Yes, baby. I'm sorry, but we can't keep this from you anymore, even if you want us to," Mum told me. "What do you remember about the story of me and your father? Tell me."
"Um, well, you met at a concert just before Christmas, then he invited you and some friends to a New Year's party. You went, you had a bit to drink, things kind of, um, escalated... Then he left, to go back to wherever he came from. You stayed in touch over email, then three months later you found out you were pregnant with me. He didn't believe I was his, so you had the DNA tests done. They came back positive, and he dropped off the face of the Earth," I said, telling her and Dad the same story I'd been told all my life.
"Yes, that's more-or-less true," Mum agreed.
"Wait, what? What's more-or-less?" I asked.
"Baby, I went to a concert with a group of my girlfriends. My best-friend - at the time - was obsessed with Eddie Allan, who was the artist we were seeing. The concert finished at ten o'clock, but we waited outside the backdoor in freezing Winter temperatures in the hopes we could meet him and she could get his autograph and a picture. It was half-past one in the morning and we were both half-frozen, but it payed off. He came out with his security and he signed her shirt, we all got a photo together and he even stayed to chat with us for a few minutes. As I said, it was very cold, so he invited us to come back into the venue with him to join in their celebrations and get warm. We were so excited, this huge rockstar was inviting us to hang out - Eddie Allan was like Mick Jagger, or Steven Tyler back then, he was so famous. We hung out, we got along, and then he invited us to his New Year's Eve party. There was no way we were going to say no, and he was so charismatic and charming. He got me away from my friend and we exchanged phone numbers - he made me swear to secrecy - and we spoke a few times that week, before the party. I didn't tell any of my family though, I knew they wouldn't approve. I was young and naive and I was just so swept up in the fact that this man who could have any girl in the world wanted me. We continued to hit it off at the New Year's party, and I went up to his bedroom, and... things happened. He had to go back to LA after the holidays of course, but we spoke all the time over the phone or through email. He visited London as often as he could and we continued to see each other. After I had missed two periods completely I started to fret. I must've taken hundreds of home pregnancy tests, but I wasn't convinced until I went to the doctors and had a blood test. I was hysterical, I had no idea what to do and I'd just started university. I rang Eddie and told him about everything, and he wanted a DNA test - he suspected I just wanted his money. That came back positive, and he cussed me out, he told me I was a slag and a liar because after the condom broke I assured him it was ok because I was on the pill. I was on the pill, but for some unknown reason it failed to work. He demanded I get an abortion, but I couldn't do that. He told me that if I kept you that I should never expect any help from him, that I was on my own and if I told anyone you were his he'd sue me for all I had. He never spoke to me again after that, and he ignored the rest of my emails and phone calls. That was the end of that. Five months later, I had you - and I've never regretted it. I always sent him photos of you, video clips, little stories here and there as you've grown up. I emailed and wrote him about your first wobbly tooth, your first day at school, your first tantrum - all those little milestones. Just in case he wondered how you were doing. I never got a response - until almost a year ago, actually. Time flies, huh? He was embarrassed that he'd made the same mistake twice - first with Johnny and his mother, then a few years later with you and I. He lived in America, and he was always either on tour or in the studio. He hardly had time for Johnny, let alone you, all the way on the other side of the globe. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but that's how he saw it. Now he wants to be a part of your life - he had a brief cancer scare last year that he said really made him think about some of his life choices. He didn't actually have cancer, as it turned out, but it was enough to shake him. More than anything, I think simply the weight of this secret has become too much for him. He wants to put it down and move on with his life - a life that he hopes you'll be a part of."
Mum finished her story, and she and Dad both waited for my reaction. It was so much to take in. I mean, it sort of wasn't - most of the story had stayed the same - but the true gravity of just who my real father is was starting to sink in. My father is a rockstar. Some kids dream about this, wish for it on shooting stars and all that, and for me it was actually a reality.
"Do you understand, Billy?" Dad asked carefully, after a few minutes of me staring blankly out of a window at the sky as they both stared at me.
My father is a famous, rich, rockstar.
And the excuses Mum had made for him were not enough.