Billy Carter

Chapter 29: We Are Young

Eddie and Johnny and their family came and watched us play on Friday night. I recruited Tommy to play guitar since I couldn't, and most of our songs required two guitars. He was ok, but he didn't have the practice, or honestly, the skill. I thought about asking Johnny to cover for me, but I thought that might come off show-offy. You know, 'look at my famous Grammy-winning brother playing in my little high-school band'.
After the gig we went to Cynthia's for her sixteenth birthday party. There were balloons and streamers and smoke machines - Daddy Addams' had spared no expense for his little princess' birthday.

I was eight tequila shots in when I bumped into Ollie on the dance floor. I had been dancing with Annabelle, who I'd also arrived with, since I hadn't heard from Oliver since our fight the other night. Annabelle knew what had been said between us and she applauded me for standing up for myself. She also reminded me that everything Ollie had said came from a place of caring. She suggested that he was probably having a hard time coming to terms with everything that had happened. She explained that even if all of the abuse didn't happen to him he could still be very distraught about it happening to someone he loves, and maybe that emotion is affecting his thinking while he tries to process it. She said that Oliver's a very logical, straightforward person, and that she suspects he's looking at the situation very clinically to avoid acknowledging it personally and feeling helpless or miserable. It made a lot of sense when she put it like that. Still, something was off about her. I chalked it up to the probability of our break up.
"Oi! Oh, it's you," I smiled lazily at him and he grinned back. He stepped closer and stumbled into me - he was legless, completely legless. "Holy shit Ollie, how much have you been drinking?"
"I won the chugging contest by the pool," he slurred. "Ten beers in five minutes. And I won the shot competition in the living room, and I lost beer pong in the kitchen..."
"Wow, you're giving me a run for my money, huh?" I asked him, winding his arm around my shoulders to support him. "Are you alright? You never drink like this."
"I've got a great constitution, Billy," he told me. "I've been doing a lot of thinking - and I mean a lot, as in more than I already think, because you know me; I'm a bit of a thinker."
"You certainly are."
"Come 'ere, I gotta tell you something." Suddenly he was leading me - away from Annabelle, into the hallway, then the bathroom off of it. He shut the door and turned to me with a heavy, drunken sigh. "You know how you said you shagged Annabelle? While we were broken up?"
"Yes? I'm sorry, you know."
"I know, I know - I don't wanna lecture you." He sighed again. "I'm not mad at you anymore. I'm still sad, but that's not your fault. Look, after you broke up with me, before I started thinking logically and while I was still really mad, all of our friends immediately jumped on your side and started defending your actions. I didn't exactly want a logical discussion about everything though, I wanted to rant, to vent. Nobody seemed to be on my side, they were all too busy worrying about you. So... I started talking to Guy about it. I said some stuff I regret, but I was angry and hurt and confused and I didn't know what was going on. I was heartbroken, Billy. And one day Guy and I were talking at his place, and we were watching a movie, and one thing led to another and... you get the idea. We didn't have sex, though, for the record. All we did was kiss - just one kiss. I know you're sorry about Annabelle because I feel the same way about Guy. I more or less did the same thing. I've been trying to find a way to tell you without making everything worse, but I didn't mean to keep it from you. I want to be honest. I want to start fresh. So don't feel bad about Annabelle, and I hope you can forgive me, because I love you too. I only kissed Guy because I was hurt and I felt like he was the only person on my side. I'm sorry, Billy."
"I... Wow. Ok," I leaned back against the sink and tried to stop my head from spinning. Now I know how Ollie felt yesterday. On one hand, we were broken up, I'd done the same thing and he wasn't thinking right. On the other hand, it fucking stung that he'd do that - with Guy. But I could forgive him, especially since he was forgiving me. "Ok. I forgive you. I think a fresh start is a really good idea. No more secrets, no more lying. Deal?"
"Deal. Just so you know, as soon as it was over, I told him that I couldn't do that again. I instantly felt terrible."
"That's ok, Ollie."
"And I need to apologise for the way I've been since everything with your step-father came out. I was devastated when I found out, Billy. I love you so much, and to find out that somebody's been hurting you like that... And I know it's selfish and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty or anything, but it hurt that you didn't tell me what was happening. I thought that maybe I'd, I don't know, fucked up somehow. Like you didn't trust me. And I know that's not true. Or, I hope. Anyway, I'm really sorry that I've been making you feel worse about everything. You're right, I haven't been as supportive as I should have, I didn't realise what a dick I was being. I spoke to Tony after you said all that - honestly I thought you were completely unjustified - and he basically tore me a new one. He said you were right, and he said I was being an asshole. He also said that even before all that happened, when you and I were together, I was apparently a bit of a dick then too. I'm really sorry if you ever felt like I was telling you what to do, about anything. I only meant to give you advice, or help out. I'm not always right, after all. I see what you were saying, and you were right. I promise that going forward, whether we're boyfriends or just friends, I'll be better."
"Thank you. I guess that kinda brings us to where you stand on... us."
"Yeah, well... I really love you, Billy. But you're going through a lot and I can see that Annabelle's been really supportive. Much more supportive than me. And she cares about you a lot, and you care about her too. I really love you, and I want to be with you again, but you need to do what's best for you, and if you choose to stay with Annabelle I understand and I'll still be your friend. I just want you to be happy. So do what makes you happy."
"Sure, but you both make me happy. I care about Annabelle very much. I love you though."
"I love you too." We kissed, and then we started to snog, then one thing led to another and we both ended up in the bathtub behind the shower curtain racing to get each other's clothes off. A few minutes into that we heard the door open and froze. Carefully, not wanting to get caught, we peered over the top of the bathtub around the opaque curtain.
"What are you doing here?" Cynthia asked Jimmy, sounding pissed off.
"I wanted to wish you happy birthday. You're sixteen now - it's an important milestone," he shrugged casually.
"Bullshit. I mean yeah, but bullshit," she snapped. "I told you to leave me alone. You know it's not fair."
"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable-"
"Well you are!"
"I'm sorry, Cyn. I'll leave, I just wanted us to be friends-"
"Well I don't!" she exclaimed. She glared at him while he looked back at her for about five seconds before she stood up on her tip-toes and kissed him. The kiss lasted for a few moments before Jimmy gently backed out of it.
"You're too young, Cynthia," he said gently. "And you can do much better than me."
"I don't want better, I want you! I'm sixteen now, like you said," Cynthia argued. "I'm old enough to make my own decisions."
"You are, but so am I." Jimmy told her. "It's not happening, Cynthia. Have a good night, alright? I'm going to find Billy and say hello, then I'm leaving. I need to get back to the kids."
He opened the door and was swallowed up by the party. Cynthia looked at herself in the mirror, wiped away a stray tear and sighed sadly. Then she left that bathroom too.
Ollie and I shared a look in the bathtub, then we both climbed out.
"We better go. Jimmy's after you anyway," Ollie said.
"True. Let's go find him." Ollie and I left the bathroom and started looking around for my exceptionally tall friend. We found him near Tony.
"There you are!" Jimmy greeted me with a smile.
"Hey, I was just looking for you," I replied, deciding to keep that small, private moment with Cynthia just that - private. "Hey you haven't met Tony yet, have you?" I asked, pulling Tony into the conversation.
"No, I guess not." Jim turned to Tony and they shook hands. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jimmy."
"Likewise. Thanks for saving my best friend's life."
"Oh, no worries."
"I heard you got stabbed?"
"Oh, yeah." Jimmy lifted his shirt and showed Tony his scar. "The stitches came out yesterday."
"Whoa. Puncture any organs?"
"Nothing too serious."
"First stabbing?" Tony asked with a playful grin.
"No." Jimmy answered casually.
"Oh- what?"
"I should probably leave," Jimmy sighed.
"What?" I asked. "Why?"
"Cyn doesn't want me here."
"I think she does," I told him. He shrugged.
"I can't stay. I have the kids at home-"
Annabelle appeared abruptly and jabbed Jimmy's chest with a manicured finger. "You and I need to have a word," she said, looking at him angrily.
"Why?" Jimmy asked, his face screwed up with confusion. Annabelle grabbed his arm and dragged him away to the bathroom we'd just left. Me, Ollie and Tony followed behind. When they went into the bathroom Annabelle slammed the door in our faces, but that didn't stop us pressing our ears against the door, trying to hear what was going on. I couldn't make anything out, and soon enough the door opened up and me, Tony and Oliver fell over each other and tumbled into the room.
"Come with me, boyfriend. Boyfriend's boyfriend." Annabelle helped me and Ollie up and started pulling us further into the bathroom.
"Thank you, Annabelle. I really mean it," Jimmy told her. She ignored him and pushed him and Tony out of the bathroom, shutting the door again after them.
"What's he thanking you for?" Ollie asked.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter," she told him.
"What did you speak to Jimmy about?" I asked.
"I told him to stay the fuck away from Cynthia," she said.
"Why?" I asked, feeling offended on Jimmy's behalf. "He's a great guy!"
"He's raising six kids."
"Five."
"It doesn't matter, Cynthia's just turned sixteen."
"Did you call me your boyfriend's boyfriend?" Ollie asked with a frown.
"Well you are, aren't you?"
"He apologised for being a cock head," I told Annabelle.
"Good. So let's get on the same page. Who're you going to date? Or are you going to go solo for a little bit?" she asked me.
"Well..." I sighed exasperatedly and sat on the edge of the tub. "I don't know. You decide."
"Billy I can't choose for you. I want to be with you, but I don't want to be with you if you want to be with somebody else," Annabelle told me. "Actually no, I will make the decision for you. You and Ollie should get back together and give it another shot. Your break up wasn't really real, anyway; it was forced. Like our relationship. Ok? Settled? Good luck guys. If you need me I'll be drink- wait, can't do that. I'll be dancing or something." She suddenly and quickly left with a sigh and watery eyes.
"Well, I guess it's decided-" I followed after Annabelle before Ollie could finish his sentence, leaving him behind. I chased after Annabelle and caught up to her at the back door. I took her hand, and she tried to pull away but I wouldn't let her. I tipped her chin up and kissed her deeply, but kept it short.
"Our relationship was forced, but my feelings for you weren't," I told her, brushing away a tear on her cheek. "I care for you Annabelle, very much. I'll always be here for you. And I stand by the promise I made on New Year's Day, when we were making pancakes. If Oliver and I ever properly break up, I'll swim oceans for you. If you'll have me." I squeezed her hand and lifted it to kiss her knuckles. She smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair with her other hand, before resting her palm against my cheek.
"Beautiful boy," she sighed, tears springing to her eyes. "You're almost as good at mending hearts as you are at breaking them. I believe you, but I'm not holding onto hope."
"You shouldn't," I told her. "You're capable of much greater things than dating that anxious boy from high school who could never make up his mind."
"Oh, I know that. I'll see you around?"
"Yeah. Have a good night, Annabelle."
She smiled and I let go of her hand. She carried on out the door, and I turned away and walked back to Oliver, still waiting in the bathroom.
"All good?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Come on Ol, I want to dance and drink some more - I'm nowhere near your level yet."
"Sure," he grinned, and together we wandered back into the main party area and caught up with Trent. An hour later I was smashed, and Ollie had passed out. Trent helped me take Ollie upstairs to Cynthia's bedroom and we put him down on one of the extra mattresses on the floor - me, Ollie and a few others had arranged to stay the night, and I could see a few girls already passed out.
"Do you think it's ok to leave him?" I asked Trent.
"Yeah, I'm sure it's fine. He's in the recovery position, no one else is gay - or bi - so we don't need to worry about anyone taking advantage of him."
"I don't know, he's pretty hot. What about girls?"
"He'll be fine. Besides, upstairs is off limits - Mr Addams even has those hired guards in place to stop kids wandering upstairs. Ollie will be fine."
"Alright then. Just- I'll take his shoes off."
I pulled one of his shoes off and fell back on my arse, and Trent took the second one off for me before helping me up.
"Let's go dance some more," I said.
"Good idea - and I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm starting to sober up - more shots are required!"
"Here here!" I cheered, pointing up at the roof. "Let's go!"
We stumbled back downstairs and I spent ten minutes trying to express how important it was that the security guards not let anyone upstairs to shag Oliver while he's passed out. Once I was certain they understood the level of protection my boyfriend needed, I let Trent drag me away to the bar to get more shots. We were passing through the dining room when my spidey-sense tingled and I stopped Trent.
"What?" he asked. I pointed to Mr. Addams' (off-limits) liquor cabinet.
"Absinthe."
"Oh, shit. We can't take that!"
"I'll get Eddie to replace it, come on! I want to see if that stuff really makes you hallucinate!"
"Fine."
I liberated the glowing green bottle and Trent got us two shot glasses from the bar. We had one shot, grimaced and pulled other interesting faces in reaction to the weird taste of aniseed.
"Oh man, it tastes like bad liqourice!" Trent complained.
"Yeah, it's gross. Let's do another."
"Ok."
So we did.
"Are you seeing green fairies yet?"
"Only the one on the bottle. We probably need to give it a few minutes to kick in, you know?"
"True, true... But it can't hurt."
"Point."
We did two more shots of it.
"I don't think we're drinking it right," Trent said.
"What? Through our mouths? Are we supposed to be snorting it instead?" I asked sarcastically. Trent rolled his eyes at me.
"No! I think I saw in a movie you're supposed to have it with sugar or something."
"Alright, well let's try that."
So we went to the kitchen. I found the sugar in the pantry and set it on the counter-top.
"So is this like salt and tequila? Should we have a lime or something?"
"No! Just sugar. you're supposed to pour it over a sugar cube."
"Well they don't have sugar cubes. What if we just mix it in?"
"I guess that's the same thing."
"Precisely. A spoonful of sugar makes the absinthe go down and all that. Er, how much sugar exactly?"
"I dunno, a teaspoon?"
"A teaspoon it is." We mixed sugar through our drinks, and I raised my glass for a toast. "To Queen and Country!"
"Here, here!" We clinked, and downed our absinthe. The sugar did not make an improvement on it, so we put the sugar back and continued drinking it straight for the rest of the night. We vomited green twice each before we finished the bottle, then another few times afterwards. Tony was holding me up by the hedge at the back of Cynthia's backyard - Trent was puking beside me, but he could still vomit and stand at the same time. I had lost that ability, it would seem.
"Well Bill, that has to be the prettiest pavement pizza I've ever seen," Tony said, and Jenny gagged behind us. Tony turned us around and Jenny wiped my mouth and chin with a serviette.
"How's your night been?" I asked her. She smiled at me.
"Less exciting than yours, I think," she told me, tossing the serviette in the bin. "Have something to eat Bill, and a nice drink of water to rinse your mouth out-"
"You're a fucking piece of shit, William Carter!" Suddenly Kenny fucking Leary was standing in front of me, positively fuming - his eyes were blazing with hatred and I swear he was spitting acid. I'd never seen anyone - besides Dad - look that angry at me. And I didn't even know why. Annabelle was with him, pulling on his arm and pleading with him to leave me alone and go somewhere else. Her eyes were red from crying and her voice sounded weak and broken. I'd never seen her look so upset, and I felt horrible that it might be my doing. "How dare you! You're just as bad as your own fucking father!" Kenny snarled.
"Kenneth Declan Leary, shut your mouth and come with me!" Annabelle snapped, trying to sound firm but coming off a little desperate.
"You're a fucking piece of shit, you need to take responsibility for your own fucking actions!" Kenny growled at me, before finally storming off with Annabelle in tow.
"Jesus Christ, what was that about?" Tony wondered aloud.
"He's friends with Annabelle , I guess he's upset that Bill's broken up with her and hurt her feelings," Jenny shrugged. "I thought he was gonna try and kill you, Bill. I've never seen him that angry before."
"Don't sweat it, Billy," Tony told me. "Kenny doesn't know about your step-father. You're alright."
Tony was right - besides my family, only Cyn, Tony, Trent, Natalie, Jenny, Jimmy, Annabel, Ollie and my teachers knew about what was happening at home. Natalie knew, because she and Trent had been getting close - just as friends (but it was only a matter of time in my opinion).
"Don't worry about it, Bill," Tony said again.
"I'm not worried," I told him. "I just feel like a shithead."
"But you had your reasons. Now where's Ollie?"
"Me and Trent put him to bed in Cyn's room - he passed out earlier."
"How about we take you upstairs and you can snuggle up with him? Get some rest."
I sighed. "Fine," I said, and let Tony help me back into the house while Jenny stayed behind to tend to Trent.