Billy Carter

Chapter 25: Jesus of Suburbia

Eddie Allan and his wife and step-daughter were in my living room. And they wouldn't leave.
"Sweetheart? Are you sure you don't want to at least say hello?" Mum asked gently from the other side of the door, trying to coax me out of my bedroom.
"There are a lot of things I want to say, and I promise that hello isn't one of them!" I snapped crankily.
"Please, sweetheart? Just five minutes?"
"No! Not until I've trained Blue Jean to attack on command!"
"Oh, William," Mum sighed. "Please, baby? Do it for me."
"Tell him-" then I was struck by a brilliant idea. "Tell him that if he promises to drop his request for custody I'll come downstairs," I told Mum.
"Ok," she said after a few seconds. I heard her go downstairs and turned back to Blue Jean.
"Alright, let's try again." I pointed across the room to one of my old action figures that I'd propped up with a stack of books on the floor. "Kill! Go Blue Jean, kill! Go! Kill Eddie!"
She cocked her head at me and wagged her tail.
"Useless," I sighed, and lay back on my bed. She jumped up and more-or-less lay on top of me.
Mum was back soon enough, to tell me that Eddie had bent to my will and now I had to honour the agreement. Sometimes I'm not sure who's side she's on.
"I don't wanna!"
"Baby, please! He's not going until you come down to meet him, alright? I'm putting my foot down on this one, you're being childish! So you can stay in your room for as long as you want, I just hope you have enough food stashed in there somewhere!" Mum said from the other side of my closed door.
"Well maybe I do!"
"Maybe! Otherwise you'll have to come downstairs at some point!"
"I'll starve," I grumbled. I heard the door open and sat up. "Hey!"
It was Dad, and he closed the door behind him. "Billy, come downstairs. What are you so afraid of?"
"... What if they don't like me?" I said quietly.
"They already don't like you, you're behaving like a brat and you're living breathing proof of the huge lie Eddie's been telling them for sixteen years."
"Was that supposed to make me feel better?"
"No. Listen, it doesn't matter whether or not they like you, we aren't doing this for them - this is for you. You can sit down and talk with him, or you can just listen to him, or you can yell and scream and shout for all I care. Your mother and I didn't want it to go like this, but unfortunately we no longer have much of a choice. Bill, if I could build a secret underground bunker to protect you from all of this I would, but I can't - not anymore. You might even like them. You might even get some answers. You don't know what's going to happen until it happens - none of us do. But whatever you want after this, your mum and I are going to do our best to make that happen. If you never want to see or speak to him again, that's fine. If you want to stay in contact or spend more time with him, that's fine too. Whatever you want, Bill - after you go downstairs and meet them. Alright? What do you say?" He came over, sat down on the bed next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. Mum peered through a crack in the door at us.
"Fine," I grumbled. "Let's get this over with."

Mum and Dad went down the stairs in front of me, and Blue Jean was hot on my heels. Then, I was looking at them all. My father, his wife and his step-daughter. Actually, I guess that makes them my step-mother and step-sister.
Step-mum was a pretty lady. She must've been in her early forties, and she had long blonde hair and a curvy figure. She was dressed up nice and posh-like, and her makeup looked like she'd had it professionally done. So did her hair, actually. She had a bit of Botox in her lips and cheeks, but it wasn't overdone. I struggled to read her too, as she studied me - they were all studying me, sizing me up or whatever.
Little step-sis was younger than me, fourteen or fifteen if I had to guess. She was pretty like her mum, with the same blonde hair, smooth skin but a slimmer figure - and no Botox. Her hair was up in a messy bun that looked like it had been painstakingly styled. She had makeup on too. She was wearing high-waisted ripped jeans, floral Vans and a white knitted jumper. I couldn't see any tags, but I'd hung around Annabelle so much that I knew expensive, brand-name clothing when I saw it.
And finally: Eddie. I already knew what he looked like - I'd seen him on telly and his pictures in Rolling Stone before. After Mum and Dad had told me the truth, I'd looked up more pictures of him and I couldn't see any resemblance between us. Now I saw him in person, I could see parts of me in him - or rather, parts of him in me - that I hadn't noticed before. Our hair had a similar texture, although his was chestnut brown with bits of silver here and there and mine's black as coal. His hair was shorter, too; but he was taller than me - likely 6'2, and I'd more or less stopped growing at 5'7" (though I was hoping for one last growth spurt before puberty ended) which is just a bit taller than Mum. Me and Eddie had the same jaw and mouth-shape too, but my sharp cheekbones and nose (before it was messed up by Steve) came from Mum. Mum had told me I had his eyes, and I saw that was true. His pale blue - almost grey - eyes looked me up and down, then glanced at my parents nervously. He was wearing ironed jeans and a navy blue jumper over a white button-up - the collar was sticking out the top, folded neatly over his jumper. He had polished leather shoes on, too. He looked like a yuppie, not a rockstar.
Still, I suddenly felt really uncomfortable in my own outfit: a hand-me-down Beatles t-shirt from Tony, scuffed, rip-off Chuck Taylor Converses, and ripped jeans of my own. Except not the fashionably designed ripped jeans - the fell-off-my-skateboard, tripped-over-too-many-times-drunk, Mum-found-them-in-the-bargain-bin-at-Saint-Vinnie's  kind of ripped.
Mum cleared her throat anxiously and glanced at me and Eddie. "Eddie, this is Bi- ah, William. Billy, this is Ed- um, Ed-"
"Edmund," Eddie said, still staring at me. He looked like he was seeing a ghost.
"Um, Edmund. Right..." Mum trailed off and I realised everyone was waiting on me. But I didn't know what to do. Finally, Eddie took the lead. He stepped a bit closer to me, clearly nervous. I think everyone was nervous - no one knew how this was going to work out.
"Hi, Billy. Can I call you that?"
I nodded numbly - after some hesitation.
"Great!" He tried a smile but it just came out awkward and forced. "I'm sure you've got a lot of questions, and I know I owe everyone here an explanation. How about we sit down, have a little chat, and we can go from there? What do you think?"
"O-" I stopped to clear my throat so my voice didn't crack. "Ok."
"Great. Ok. Good."
"Oh, um, I'll put the kettle on," Mum said. Dad stopped her before she could leave.
"Stay here, I'll go. This has more to do with you than me, and you know a lot more about it all than I do," Dad told her. Mum nodded and Dad went to go take care of the coffee. The rest of us settled down around the coffee table - Eddie and his lot on the couch, and me and Mum on chairs that had come from the dining table.
"So, I guess we should start from the beginning. Billy, your mother has already told us her version of things, but I'd like to know what you know of it all. Do you think you could tell us what you know about us meeting? And how, um, you came around?" Eddie asked me. I nodded.
"Mum said you met after a concert and hung out. You gave each other your phone numbers, and you invited her to your New Year's Party. That's when you... y'know. Then you left to go back to LA, but you stayed in contact and visited often. A couple months later Mum started to think she might be pregnant, and she told you. Mum says you must've been thinking she was just trying to get money from you, so you ordered a DNA test. That came back positive. You didn't like it. You told her to get an abortion, or-"
"Hang on a minute!" Eddie interrupted, his loud voice making me flinch. He looked at Mum angrily. "That's not-"
"For fuck's sake Eddie, shut up and let the poor kid finish!" Eddie's wife - Eddie's Australian wife, which I could deduce from her accent (binging Sherlock had clearly paid off) - yelled at him. "Wait your fucking turn and show them both some respect! We already know you're an asshole!" She turned back to me and smiled gently. "Go on love."
I immediately liked her.
"Um, you told her to get an abortion or never talk to you again," I continued. "You said if she kept me then she had to keep it a secret or you'd sue her or something, then you stopped responding whenever she tried to reach out to you. That's it." I finished just as Dad came back in with a tray loaded with mugs and different bits and pieces.
"I don't know what you drink, so I've got tea, coffee, sugar, milk. I know what you like, though," Dad said, giving Mum her cup of tea with honey and me my plain tea with milk. I probably drink coffee more than tea, but Dad knows tea helps me calm down, so I figured he'd made me tea for that very purpose - and I was grateful, it was just what I needed. "So, how do you take it?" Dad asked the other three.
"Coffee, black. Thank you," Eddie said.
"I'll take a coffee with some milk, please," Eddie's wife said.
"I'll have the same as mum, please - with a tiny bit of sugar," said the step-daughter.
Once everyone had their drink and Dad was seated on my other side - I felt better with both parents beside me, more protected - Eddie cleared his throat to speak again.
"Now I know that everyone in this room hates me, but can I get a chance to explain my side of the story?"
"I'd love to hear that," Dad muttered - not going unnoticed by everyone else. Eddie ignored him, though.
"So, yes, we met after a concert and I invited her to my New Year's Party and we, uh, hit it off. And yes, I had to go back to LA because I was only visiting England for the holidays and to do that benefit concert-"
"So everything Janelle said is true is what you're basically saying?" Eddie's wife asked, obviously growing impatient.
"Well just hear me out!" Eddie argued, getting indignant. His wife rolled her eyes and crossed her legs.
"Go for it," she said - almost like a dare. She and Eddie had a pretty intense stare-off, then he licked his lips and rolled his eyes too.
"Ok, I know I'm an idiot and I made some pretty bad decisions when I was young-
"Don't say young honey, that makes it sound like you were twenty when this all happened - you were thirty," his wife pointed out.
"When I was younger," he dragged out the word to make his point. "But now I'm older and wiser and I like to think I've learnt from my mistakes."
"I'd like to think that too, but you don't have a great track record when it comes to learning from your mistakes, do you? I mean first with Johnny, and now with William. What, you don't have any other long-lost children that are suddenly going to pop up out of nowhere now, do you?"
"I swear to God this is the last one!" he exclaimed exasperatedly, pointing at me. "Let me explain, would you?" They stared each other down again, then Eddie turned back to me, Mum and Dad. "As I was saying, basically everything Janelle - and Billy - said before is correct, yes. I would like to say that my reaction was not exactly how they made it out, though. Yes I was surprised and yes I was really nervous, but I also thought - wrongly as it turns out, I'll admit it - that Janelle just wanted to drain me of every penny she could. After Johnny, I'd had other women try to do the same thing to me, so I jumped to the conclusion that Janelle was after the same thing. I know better now, because in all this time she never asked me for a penny - well, except to pay back the debt and bills, right? But that was nothing, and since she'd never tried to extort me for anything before, I trusted her. And really I did it for Billy, anyway. So that's why I ignored your messages. Had I read them and learned more of your situation, I would have stepped in to help you. I'm very, very sorry for that - I'll regret that for the rest of my life, what I unknowingly put you through. If I could go back... Well, unfortunately I can't. But I am deeply, deeply sorry," Eddie told Mum, looking sincere enough.
"Well, like you said, no one here has a time machine," Mum sighed. "I forgive you. What's done is done. But I want to thank you too, for all the help you gave us with the house. We'd be homeless by now if you hadn't been so generous and trusting, and I don't even want to imagine where Billy might be - some foster home somewhere, most likely."
"I appreciate that Nelly, but it's all on me. If I was being responsible for you and Billy like I should have been from the start, you would have at least had child support to help you - and you may very well never have ended up in that situation. I want to apologise to all of you for my negligence and immaturity. I didn't know how to handle the situation, I was embarrassed that I'd made the same mistake twice and I took the cowardly way out. I am sorry. And I'm sorry that I lied to you - both of you," he said, now turning to his wife and daughter. "I broke your trust and I'm very sorry for all the pain I've caused you."
"Take me to Tiffany's and I'll consider forgiving you," his wife replied, giving him a weak but playful smile.
"Of course, anything you want. How about you, sweetie?" he asked his daughter.
"I want a tennis bracelet," she said with a shrug.
"Done. Can I get you something from the jewelry store, since I'm already going?" Eddie asked Mum - half joking, and half probably serious.
"No, thank you. I don't want anything from you - just your respect for Billy, alright? I know you want to begin a real relationship, but I don't think he's ready for that yet. All of this is going to go at a pace that he is comfortable with."
"Of course, I can certainly do that - I'd love to do that," Eddie agreed. "On that note - Billy, are there any questions you have that I could answer?"
I shook my head, staring off into space. "Not really. Not at this point."
"Alright, well you can ask me anything you want. I'll give you my phone number, and you can ring me up whenever you want. No pressure, though. Like your mum said, you'll be ready when you're ready. But, since you don't have any questions, do you mind if I ask you a couple? Nothing big, I just want to get to know you a bit more. We all do." I looked over at his wife and step-daughter. His wife smiled encouragingly at me, and his step-daughter smiled too, but she was a bit shy. So was I.
"First, you haven't introduced us," I reminded him.
"Of course, I'm so sorry!" Eddie laughed and leaned back casually in his chair. "Billy, this is my wife Michelle - well, technically she's your step-mother, isn't she? And this is her daughter, my step-daughter, and now your step-sister, Holly. She's just turned fourteen, so she's just a year younger than you."
"Two years," I corrected him. "Probably closer to three, actually." Eddie frowned at me.
"How old are you? I thought you were fifteen?"
"I turned sixteen last year," I told him.
"Oh, shit - I'm sorry!" he apologised. Wait, so- how old are you? If you don't mind me asking?" Eddie asked Mum.
"I'm thirty five. I was seventeen when we met, then I turned eighteen between Christmas and New Year's - don't worry, the sex was legal!" Mum laughed at Eddie's ashen face.
"Oh thank God, you were starting to worry me," Eddie sighed, slumping back in his chair. "I thought you were about to tell me you were a minor. I'd rather not have any charges against me for that."
"No, it was all perfectly legal," Mum assured him.
Eddie let out another relieved sigh while Holly scrunched up her nose in disgust, and Dad muttered to himself:
"Morally questionable though." Before Eddie could react to Dad's jab, we heard someone knocking on the front door.
"Who's that, I wonder?" Mum asked Dad.
"Probably some nosy neighbour. I'll be one second; excuse me." Dad went to answer the front door and Michelle gasped, drawing everyone's attention to her.
"Oh, I think I know who that might be," she said, looking towards the front door. None of us were sitting in a spot where you could see it clearly. I could see Dad's back, but not the door or whoever he was shaking hands with at it. Dad moved aside and into my house stepped another famous musician - Johnny Allan.
My half-brother.
He was admittedly one hundred times cooler than Eddie in my opinion, and I'll admit I got a little bit excited to meet him. Johnny's lead singer and lead guitarist in a band called Anthem, and although I think Eddie's music is ok, I actually love Johnny's songs. I would go so far as to say I'm a fan, but I'm not obsessed or anything. I mean I have all his albums, but I wasn't about to go all weak at the knees and fanboy all over him. I did have a whole bunch of questions about some of my favourite songs though.
Johnny came into the room towing a suitcase, dressed in wrinkled jeans, the same kind of black converse I was wearing, a David Bowie shirt, a black leather jacket and black sunglasses. He looked so cool.
Everyone started to get up to greet him, but he raised his hand to stop us. "No, don't get up, please." His Californian accent sounded so strange in person.
"Johnny!" Holly got up anyroad to give him a cuddle.
"Hi Holly," he gave her a kiss on the cheek and set his sunglasses on top of his head. We had the same eyes - the same blue-grey as Eddie's.
"When did you get here?" Eddie asked in surprise. Johnny checked his watch.
"Well, as soon as I heard the news that the big secret had been revealed - thanks Michelle - I booked the first flight to London, and about half an hour ago the plane landed. I came straight here. Good afternoon, I'm John," he introduced himself to Mum, offering his hand to her. She shook it and smiled at him.
"It's nice to meet you John," Mum told him. "I'm Janelle, Billy's mother."
"And this - obviously - is Billy," Eddie told Johnny, gesturing to me. Johnny extended his hand to me with a friendly smile.
"It's really good to meet you, Billy."
"Yeah, you too," I said, still feeling a bit awkward and star-struck as I shook his hand.
"Listen, I really want to catch up with you and get to know you, but first I need to borrow my - our - father." Eddie laughed nervously and got to his feet.
"Shall we speak outside?" Eddie asked Johnny.
"Sure."
The two of them went into the kitchen and headed for the back door.
"I think daddy's in trouble," Holly said in a sing-song voice, just before we could hear Johnny start yelling at Eddie from the backyard. Dad sat down again beside me.
"I think your daddy has it coming," Michelle said. "How are you three doing? He's not being as obnoxious as he usually is, so I'm taking it as a sign that he's contrite."
"I'd hope so," Dad said. "I mean no offence to you, I know that you love him, but after what he's put my wife and my kid through - and I know he's not my kid, but he might as well be - I'm going to have a hard time forgiving him."
"Steven-" Mum leaned over me to squeeze Dad's forearm.
"I know he didn't do anything to me personally, but Jesus Nelly, he should've treated you with respect, he should've removed his head from his arse years ago. You deserved so much better. He treated you like a cheap, money-chasing slag. And Billy-" Dad paused to regain his composure. "Billy has had to go his whole life knowing he wasn't wanted. Thinking that he isn't good enough, that there's something wrong with him because he's not worth that man's time."
"Steven, that's not true," Mum told him, glancing at me.
"It is true Nelly, and you and I both know what that feels like better than most people. It's horrible! And I love Billy and I know that he loves me too, but it's not the same. It's not the same. I had a good relationship with my foster parents after I got over my real ones, but it's not the same. I still wanted their love, even after everything they did."
"Ok, I know, I know, but we can't go back in time. Eddie just said that if he could he would, he'd go back and fix everything."
"Yeah, but you know what he means by fix everything, don't you?" Dad asked, snorting angrily. "He means he'd go back and make sure Billy was never born, that'd fix everything - for him at least."
"Steven! That's a terrible thing to say!" Mum exclaimed.
"Ok, that's enough!" I snapped. "Can I just have one parental crisis at a time, please?"
"You're right, I'm sorry honey," Mum said, smiling at me and squeezing my shoulder.
"Sorry kiddo," Dad said next.
"And we're sorry you both had to hear that too," Mum told Michelle and Holly.
"Oh, don't stress sweetheart - our house sounds very similar at the moment, trust me," Michelle told Mum. "This is a difficult situation for all of us, and none of us know really how to navigate it."
"True. How're you doing, baby?" Mum asked me. I shrugged.
"I honestly don't know. I'm just... numb. It's like a weird, twisted dream, y'know?"
"I know what you mean," Holly said, piping up for the first time - besides greeting Johnny. "It's really weird that I suddenly have another brother. You must be totally weirded out, I mean, you're getting your dad, a step-mum, a step-sister and a half-brother all at once. I mean that's a whole new family. And Eddie and Johnny are both really famous, so that's weird. I'm used to them, but it's like if I woke up and Mum told me Taylor Swift is my long-lost sister or something."
"... I guess."
"Mum, can we visit Nan while we're here?" Holly asked her mother.
"Yeah, we're seeing her and Pop tomorrow. Ed's got a lot of explaining to do." Michelle then turned to me, Mum and Dad. "Eddie's mum is organising to get the family together so everyone knows what's going on with this whole situation. It's next Saturday. I know you're still working it all out Billy, but you and your parents are welcome to come. I know that Eddie's parents aren't impressed with him, but Winnie - that's Eddie's mum - is really excited to meet you, and have another grandchild to spoil. And when I say she's getting the family together I mean she's getting Eddie's brothers and sisters and their families together - there aren't going to be second cousins and great aunts or anything."
"Shit, I didn't even think about cousins and aunts and all that," I sighed tiredly. I really was getting a whole new family - it was making me really anxious too. It'd always just been me, Mum and Dad - with the occasional unwarranted cameo from my uncles and grandmother. Now I had another father - my real one - a step-mum, step-sister, half-brother, grandma, grandpa, and God knows how many aunties and uncles and cousins. All new people who'd want to know everything about me and ask me questions and judge me and my mother. I felt sick and exhausted just imagining it. This was quickly becoming very overwhelming as the extent of just how much my life was changing began to sink in. Not only that, but because of Eddie and Johnny's fame, it was all probably going to be televised and reported for the entire world to see. I'm obviously a private person, and the idea of that did not sit well with me - it put even more pressure on me to act like everything was fine between me and Dad. I started to feel nauseous.
"You alright kid? You're looking pretty pale," Dad told me.
"Yeah, I just need to use the loo. I'll be back in a second." I got up and went back upstairs to the bathroom. I gripped the sink and tried to focus on my breathing to calm down. Breathe in for four seconds, out for four seconds - that's the trick Ollie had taught me, and it worked every time. I relaxed a bit and took my phone out of my pocket. I dialed his number, and it wasn't until the second ring I realised what I was doing. I fumbled with my phone to hang up before he answered, and deleted the call from my call history. I didn't want to know what would happen if somehow Dad found out I rang Ollie. I was already on edge, and when my phone started ringing I jumped about ten feet. It was a "Blocked Number" - likely Ollie. He probably saw he'd missed a call from me and was trying to ring me back. I declined him. A few seconds later he tried again. I declined him again and put my phone on silent.
"It's ok, just be cool, and Dad won't know you messed up, alright?" I whispered to myself. "Go downstairs and deal with the other father. Right? Good." I took another deep breath before I left the bathroom and went back downstairs. Eddie and Johnny had returned, and the latter was sitting on the floor scratching Blue Jean's belly while he talked to Mum and Dad.
"Hey, your dog's awesome," Johnny told me with a smile. I still wasn't quite over the whole rockstar-in-my-living-room thing yet - with Johnny or Eddie. "She's so well-behaved. My dog has no manners."
"Yeah? Her name's Blue Jean - or Blue for short," I told him, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice.
"You're kidding?!" he exclaimed, grinning at me. "My dog's name is Bowie!"
"Oh, cool," I smiled more genuinely now, starting to feel more comfortable with Johnny. I mean he likes David Bowie, so he can't be all that bad.
"Blue Jean's you favourite Bowie song then? Or did it just fit?"
"Both. What's yours?"
"Ziggy Stardust. It's all great though,"
"Obviously."
"What about The Beatles then?" he asked, nodding at my t-shirt. "What's you favourite song of theirs? I like their later stuff - Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is my favourite song. Great to sing at the top of your lungs when you've had a couple beers too many."
"Yeah? Our drinking song is Bohemian Rhapsody - me and my friends, I mean. As for The Beatles though, I like all their stuff, but I tend to lean towards their earlier music. I Saw Her Standing There is my favourite song. I love their cover of Roll Over Beethoven too though."
"Man, Chuck Berry's a legend, isn't he?" Johnny asked - he was still giving Blue some love, and I figured if she trusts him then I can too. "When Anthem was just starting up and no one knew any of our songs we worked a few covers into our sets - Johnny B. Goode was one of them, it always got people bopping along and in the mood."
"We've worked Roll Over Beethoven into our set," I told him. "Only because it's so fun to play."
"Wait, you're in a band?" Johnny asked me.
"Yeah. We haven't got a name yet though."
"Awesome! What do you play?" he asked, getting excited. It was infectious, and I realised we were actually getting along. More importantly, he wasn't looking at me or treating me like an injured dog - like he was concerned but didn't want to get too close in case I bit him. We continued our conversation, and I almost forgot there was anyone else here. We had a lot in common - besides the obvious link with music - and it started to feel really comfortable really quickly - like we'd known each other forever and just hadn't caught up in a while or something. We quickly became friends - it just... fit. We were brothers.
In the meantime, while we were bonding, Mum and Dad and Eddie and Michelle all got to know each other better as well, talking about me (of course) and how we all might continue on from here. I didn't want to worry about that yet, I was enjoying my conversation with Johnny about Green Day - turns out he's an avid fan as well.
"I've always wanted to go to America simply so I can visit Oakland," I told Johnny. He laughed.
"It's nice, I've been there a couple of times before. I know what you mean though - when I was younger I always wanted to go to Liverpool to see The Beatles museum. I mean, we went to Liverpool all the time because that's where dad's family lives, but I never got to see the museum. I still haven't seen it yet."
"Me neither, I've never even left London - except for school trips to Stonehenge or whatever else. The Beatles Museum is on my bucket list though. I have been to Abbey Road though - me and my friends got a picture there, crossing the road. It's up in my room. Wanna see?"
"Sure."
We got up and I showed Johnny upstairs to my bedroom. I took the picture off my wall and gave it to him. "So you know how on the album the Beatles walk John, Ringo, Paul and George? We did it in the same sort of order, because we all play the different instruments. I went first, then Trent - he's our drummer - then Cynthia, our bassist, and Tony. We weren't a band then yet though."
"How old are you in this photo. How old are you now?" Johnny asked.
"We were fifteen. I'm sixteen now."
"Sixteen this year or last?"
"Last. I'm seventeen on the twenty-ninth of October. How old are you?"
"I actually turn twenty-four next week, on the fifteenth of April - I'm a Fourth of July baby. Want to come to my party?"
"I can't afford to travel to America."
"Well I'm having one here in England."
"One? How many parties are you having?" I teased.
"Only two - one for the family here, one for the family back home. They're both going to be pretty quiet, anyway."
"Well, maybe. I'm just nervous about meeting everyone else."
"I understand, it must be really intimidating. I was nervous to meet you, but at least I only have to meet one new person- or three, I guess, because of your mum and step-father. You've got a lot more ahead of you, but the best advice I can give you - one scandal baby to another - is to go at your own pace. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks or is saying about you, though I know it can be hard sometimes. And here," he gave me the photo back. "Keep your friends close. You'll need their support."
I looked at the photo of  my friends and sighed. I'd been keeping them at arms length recently - and by that I mean I hadn't spoken or seen any of them in about a week, not including the very brief chat on Monday. It wasn't their fault - I'd been ignoring all their messages and phone calls. I didn't want to deal with all their questions about Ollie, and now this too. Maybe this thing with Eddie would overshadow the problem with Ollie though. Maybe they'd forgotten about that, or moved on.
But what if they hadn't? What if they asked me about Ollie and found out about Dad? I couldn't let that happen. It was just best that I didn't talk to them at all about it; not to mention it hurts even to just think about Ollie.
"Are you ok?" Johnny asked me. "Friend trouble? It's not because of this, is it?"
"No, it's different. I, uh, did something bad. I hurt one of them, and they're all trying to ask me questions and I just don't want to deal with it."
"Have you apologised?" he asked me.
"Yeah, but it's not enough. They want to know why I did what I did," I sighed.
"Well why did you do what you did?"
"It's complicated. Have you ever heard the phrase 'cruel to be kind'?"
"Yeah."
"It was like that. But I can't tell them."
"Alright, well, maybe just try telling them that. Don't talk about it if you don't want to."
"I'll try."
"Do you want to talk to me about it? Tell me why? Maybe then I can give you some better advice?"
"I don't think so," I said quietly. "Not for lack of trust - I don't want to talk to anyone about it."
"Alright, well, if you change your mind I'm here for you - just a phone call away. Hey, I'll give you my cell phone number if you like? I'll pick up the bill."
"Sure." We exchanged phone numbers.
"You can call me whenever you want. Well, try to consider the time differences, but if it's urgent just call," he told me. "And for the record, I'm good at keeping secrets. Not as good as dad, obviously he's the king of secret-keeping, but I like to think that makes me a prince of it," he said with a wink. "I'll tell you a secret though, since we're family and everything - just promise not to tell anyone else; I haven't even told mum or dad yet."
"Alright..?"
"I know you just got another father, a step-mum, a step-sister, a half-brother, a new set of grandparents and a whole bunch of new aunts and uncles and cousins - but in six months you're getting a little niece or nephew, too," he told me excitedly.
"No shit, really?" I asked in surprise. He nodded happily. "Congratulations! That's awesome! Due in August then?"
"Early-to-mid August," he said. "But don't tell anyone."
"I won't."
"Great-"
"William!" Mum called from downstairs.
"Yeah?" I yelled back.
"You have a visitor!"
"Who could it be now?" I wondered aloud to myself. Johnny shrugged, and we went back downstairs.
I could hear her voice from the top of the stairs, gushing over Holly's jumper.
"It's beautiful!" Annabelle told her. "Oh my God I need one. Where'd you get it?"
"Prada," Holly told her with a smile. "But it's from last year's Winter collection."
"Aw. We should go shopping some time - you, me, and our daddies' credit cards." Holly laughed with Annabelle, and even Michelle joined in.
"I used to be just like you two," Mum told the girls. "Shopping with my friends, Dad's credit card in hand. Dragging boyfriends into Gucci to get fitted with some nice shirts so I could be seen with them."
"No way," Annabelle gaped at Mum.
"Completely," Mum nodded. "I never left the house without a full face of makeup costing about £200 and wearing an outfit that cost less than £1,000 - unless I had school. I was such a piece of work though, I was a terrible snob," Mum admitted.
"Annabelle, what are you doing here?" I asked, coming down the stairs. She gave me a brilliant grin and skipped over to wrap her arms around my neck and give me a kiss.
"I'm here to meet the family of course - isn't it a right of passage for relationships?" she asked me.
"Well, I guess that's a fair point," I laughed awkwardly - I still felt really bad and unsure about this relationship with Annabelle. I knew it would probably just end up hurting her, and that's not what I wanted - I do actually like the girl, just... I like Ollie a lot more. And I'm still holding out the hope that I can turn Dad's point of view around and he can give us his blessing.
"I make a lot of excellent points. Now introduce me."
"Right, uh, everyone, this is Annabelle. Annabelle, this is Eddie Allan, his wife Michelle, her daughter Holly, and this is Johnny."
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed excitedly, shoving me to the side and throwing her arms around Johnny instead. He laughed and gave her a hug, patting her on the back. "I didn't see you there! I'm a huge fan!"
"Oh, awesome," Johnny laughed. "It's nice to meet you." Annabelle turned back to face the rest of us, still with her arms around Johnny's waist.
"Sorry Bill, I'm upgrading to the newer model," she teased me.
"Hey! Technically I'm the newer model," I told her.
"And I'm married, so I must decline," Johnny told her, holding up his left hand so everyone could see the wedding ring on his finger.
"Happily?" Annabelle asked him.
"Excuse me?"
"Are you happily married?" she asked, and everyone laughed.
"Yes, we're just full of marital bliss," Johnny told her with a laugh.
"Good," Annabel finally let go of him. "You know I was just joking, I'm not a home-wrecker."
"You're girlfriend's funny Bill, hold onto her," Eddie told me, grinning at Annabelle, who in turn grinned triumphantly at me.
"And I'm pretty, too!"
"Yeah, yeah: funny, pretty, vain, childish, immature-"
She smacked my chest playfully and put my arm around her shoulders so she could snuggle in. "That's enough, you," she warned, still with a cheeky sparkle in her eyes.
"How long have you two been dating?" Michelle asked us.
"Uh." Annabelle and I looked at each other then back at Michelle. "Well, we've only been official for a couple of days," Annabelle said. Ok, so we're official - that was news to me.
"But we've kind of... Well, we dated briefly in the past. Didn't work out."
"But now we're giving it another shot! We want to see out our potential as a couple," Annabelle said, smiling up at me. The way she looked at me made me feel terrible. I was one-hundred percent leading her on, just like I did last year while I was working things out with Ollie.
"That's sweet," Michelle cooed. "You should have dinner with us tonight Annabelle. We're going out to Aqua Shard - we've booked a private dining room so we can all eat and talk without prying eyes."
"Oh, I love Aqua Shard! Billy, they have the best wagyu! With carrots and parsley oil - I shared it with my mother last Saturday, they had a business dinner there. Don't get me started on the strawberry cheesecake, and the rose sorbet on the semifreddo-"
"Ok, I don't understand half the words you just said," I interrupted her. "What the fuck is a semi-Frodo?"
"Semifreddo, not 'Frodo'!" Annabelle chided me. "It's Italian, it's like frozen mousse. It's delicious, you'll like it. Daddy let me have a glass of champagne too - it was £900!"
"Fucking Hell!" I exclaimed.
"It was really good."
"For £900 it fucking better have been!"
Eddie whistled. "She's got expensive taste Bill," he said, like it was a warning.
"That's ok, I'm sure I can just blackmail you into giving me money whenever she goes on a shopping spree," I told Eddie. "But how fancy is this place? Because we aren't wealthy people - look around!" I pointed out to Eddie.
"William-"
"It's true mum - not only is it true, but it's also glaringly obvious," I told her, cutting her off before she could finish scolding me.
"That's fine, I'm picking up the bill," Eddie told me.
"Well in that case I'll have a glass of £900 champagne as well."

#

Me, Mum and Dad all got ready to go out - Annabelle helped me choose clothes that wouldn't make me stick out like an impoverished sore thumb at the restaurant - and then we went to Johnny's and Eddie's hotel, so Johnny could dump his suitcase and they could all get changed too. Annabelle was the only one who didn't need to change - she's always dressed for fine dining, it's just her style. She was wearing a dress with a light floral pattern and red shoes that matched some of the red flowers on her dress. Her hair was down, but styled neatly off her face in waves. As usual, she looked gorgeous - frustratingly so. I wanted Ollie back. I felt so terrible for hurting him, for lying to him, for betraying him, but I had to work things out with Dad before I could even try to make up an excuse for Ollie. Adding to my guilt was Annabelle, in all her readily-accessible beauty and affection. Not only did I feel horrible for lying to her and using her to please Dad, but I knew it wasn't going to help my situation with Ollie either. She wasn't helping me fight the temptation I found in her though. I remembered when we'd had sex the other day and how it had worked so brilliantly in taking me away from all the chaos that I was going through - at least temporarily. I wanted that escape again - so badly. And she was so happy to comply. I knew if I made a move I wouldn't get any protests from her, but I had to think about how much worse it would make everything when I inevitably got back together with Ollie - if he even wanted me back after all of this. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell Annabelle I was leading her on, that I don't have feelings for her and that I'm sorry. I wanted to go over to Ollie's place and explain everything. But I couldn't. Dad would get angry and God knows what would happen then - everything could be made a hundred times worse.
I put my hand on Annabelle's knee under the table when we were seated at the restaurant. I knew it was a dumb decision, but I decided I didn't care.
Nothing was going to work out alright anyroad.