Wrapped

Chapter 29

Seven~Nick

I'm sitting in the locked bathroom alone, with my back against the door. I can't believe I brought myself to do this. I don't want to, but it needs to be done.

I can't take the guilt, the depression, the secrets anymore. It needs to be done. It needs to be thrown away, gone forever, and no one needs to know about it. . . except William and Peyton.

Completely forgetting about my phone, I feel it buzz in my front pants pocket. I bet its Zack. I can't talk to him now. I would just break out crying and tell him what happened and he could hate me, break up with me, and never talk to me again. I can't have that happening.

I pull out my phone from the pocket and look at the screen.

Incoming Call: Zack

Biting my lower lip, I press the decline button and let my phone on the ground. I don't think it would be best talking to Zack right now. Even though I have been distant, I don't want to hurt Zack even more with the secret I've been keeping from him.

I don't know how to end it already. I can't come to self - harm. I get uncomfortable around blood and gruesome cuts and all that. There must be something else I could do. . . .

I get up from where I was sitting, and open up the medicine cabinet. All that is revealed clearly is tooth paste, tooth brushes, deodorant, Advil, Cortizone, some orange medicine bottles. . . Maybe I should take a look at them.

One bottle said it was anti - nausea medicine for my mom. I look at another one which really caught my eye. The pills inside the container are colorful. I grab it and read the prescription:

PAXIL;

LORI PETERSON;

2010 - 2015;

ANTI - DEPRESSANT;

TAKE CERTAIN AMOUNT AS NEEDED ONCE A DAY.

I didn't know that my mom was depressed. She never talked about it, and never brought up about being depressed or that she was on medication. Why would she keep this away from me?

I open up the cap and pour some of the pills on my right hand. There's pink, orange, blue, and green. They all have different dosages on them; it probably doesn't matter, anyway. Well, it does, but not for this matter in fact.

No going back now. I need to end it, and I need to end it now. I raise my left hand up to my mouth, and push the colorful pills in my mouth, and swallow them sadly.

Am I really about to commit suicide? Will I actually die? Now, only guilt is making me shake. Tears are falling effortlessly down my face.

My mom is going to be left alone, and probably more in danger because of my dad. And Zack. . . .What would he do if he figures out if I die? I don't know what would happen. But I can't stop now. I already took a handful of pills, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I took some more. . . .

I pour more of the colorful pills in my hand than I did the last time, and shove them in my mouth, painfully swallowing them. I look in the container and it's almost empty. Maybe I should just finish it all. I bring the capsule to my mouth, get the rest of the pills in my mouth, and swallow them, as well.

More tears leave my eyes, and I gasp for air as I keep crying. My muscles start shaking, and I get goose bumps everywhere.

What have I done?

Maybe I should call Zack now, and say my last goodbye to him. It would be nice to do that I guess. I could say I love him then hang up, that simple.

Once I sit on the ground, leaving against the wall, I weakly pick up my phone and dial in Zack's number, then pressing the 'talk' button. I press the speaker button except putting it up to my ear. What if he gets worried and starts yelling into the phone? This is just easier.

After a couple of rings, Zack answers. I start to just sob immediately. I can't believe this is about to happen.

"Hey, ba - Nick?" His voice I can tell went from joy, to concern.

I sniffle again before replying, "Zack, I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"Nick, what's wrong?" He asks with a tough tone, still concern fills his voice.

Maybe I should tell him what William and Peyton did to me. Wait, that wouldn't be good, he would hate me, yell at me. All of that, I can't handle that.

Before I think about what next to say, all that slips out of my mouth is, "I didn't mean it! I didn't want it to happen," I let out another cry and clutch the phone close to me, "I'm sorry!" I sob.

"Nick, please tell me what you're talking about," Zack says softly, as it seems as he's trying to calm me down.

I get light headed. I feel heavy as if I can't pick up my own weight. The pills are kicking into my system. This is it; I'm going to die.

"I didn't want it, Zack! Please don't hate me for it, please, Zack, please!" I scream loudly, luckily, my mom isn't home, if she was I'd probably get caught and go straight to the hospital.

I don't even get to say goodbye to my mom. She was my best friend. She was all I had for most of my life, and now I'm leaving her. I'm the worst son in the world.

"I only love you, Zack," I whisper softly and feel my tears stop crawling out of my eyes.

Zack said something over the line, but I couldn't understand. My eyes feel droopy, and black splotches appear in my vision. This is officially it. I can't help myself anymore. I'm about to leave this world. I hate myself for going through this. Why am I so stupid?

My body slides along the wall, slamming to the ground, surprisingly, I didn't feel the pain that I should have felt. This is for the better. Even though I'm not dying happy, I'm not going to go to a happier place, I will at least leave, and no one could hate me, anymore.

I would much rather be in Zack's arms, hearing him say that he loves me, kissing him every now and then, that would be perfection.

Instead, I'm miles away from him, in my bathroom, dying over the phone with him on the other line.

"I only love you, Zack," I slur and press the 'decline' button to end the conversation.

I close my eyes, waiting to leave. Waiting to stop breathing, waiting for everything.

Finally, what I've been waiting for, the darkness overcomes me.