t he | b o y | i n | t h e | w a l l

beginning

I've been here since I was 22 . I am still 22 . It's been 5 years .

I was never allowed to be alone
Never
The truth is , back then
I wanted to be
Or the fact that I couldn't
Made me want it more
It was just for one day
And from that day
I stayed alone

My name is Park Jimin as much as I can remember . I wouldn't call myself a prince , but a lot of people did that , even though our country had no king nor queen . My family , I could call us ' royal ' . We lived in a castle , far away from everyone , it was nice . I heard we 'lived in the past ' , but I could never realize what that meant . I've never been to school , I never had many friends . Only one ... I can't even remember his name . I said I was never allowed to be alone . I truly meant that . When I was very young , I used to sleep with my parents . I loved that . It made me feel loved and special to them . But when I grew older it seemed wrong and boring . So I slept with nannies , guards , sometimes I slept with my friend . I loved those days . I could never forget my friend's face . He was the prettiest boy I' ve ever seen . His personality , always brave , strong , open minded . I looked up to him . Even though he was younger . His family was royal too . But he went to school , he didn't have to be with someone all the time , he had many friends ... but he never left me . I left him .
I remember my mum too . She would never age . I remember her when I was 4 , I remembered her when I was 15 . She never changed . Lot of people said she was witch , but that couldn't be true . I would've been the first to know , I was her son , right ? But still ... I don't remember her name .  I tried so many times ... But I just couldn't remember . I don't remember my father . I know I had one , all I know he was there . I have no memories of his face , body , talk , walk ... nothing .
I know there were a lot of people in the castle , but I can't remember their faces . I am trapped in a wall , thinking about things I know and I repeat them everyday , so I wouldn't forget . Because I forgot a lot . I wish ... I could remember something new ...

I am trapped in a no ordinary wall . It's the wall of the main fortress in the city . It's the wall at the very end of it . I can see through it , but there is nothing beautiful  I can see . Trees all around . Not a lot of people pass through this path . Only if they have to . It's always dark and cold . I can't feel anything though , people leaned on me , sat on legs , but I could never feel it . I tried talking to them , but all I got were drunk or raped girls , high boys and old farts with a crazy mind . I saw a lot of things , like murders , rapes , fights ... I cried . Every fucking time . It's just because I couldn't help them or save them . Lot of people died in front of my eyes , sometimes I wish we could've swapped places .

I don't believe in God anymore . I stopped praying 2 years ago . He never talked to me , helped me ... So I  gave up . I don't know the exact date . All I know is all I can see . . . and the little things I remember . It's winter know . It snowed a couple of times , but the snow never cought . It rains a lot . I guess it's not January yet . I'll see the fireworks , so I'll know when it's Christmas .