t he | b o y | i n | t h e | w a l l

routine or not

I have been waiting for something . I am not really sure what I am waiting for , or who . I just wish ... that someone might remember me or look for me . I hope they know I haven't disappeared ... completely . Eliot asked me a couple of times how did I get here , I tried to explain what I remember but it occurred to me after a while that I don't really know what happened . 

Another day in the wall . I woke up early .  I never know  what time is it but according to the sun , it's sun rise. I watched sunrise for a few moments and I looked away . Everything hurts me . I find nothing beautiful anymore . My mind is not enough for me , because I am not my mind . I can see it all , but never get to see I am truly blind . I am dying mentally , I am aware of that . Breathing in and breathing out . Unfortunately , I can't die even if i stop breathing . 

My routine is about to start now . I put my hands together , like a prayer , a beggar - My  name is Park Jimin .  My mother's name is .. a pause ... I had a father I guess ... My mum was a beautiful women , with long ... a pause ... I think her hair was black ... She had big eyes ... a pause ... I don't remember the color ... I had a friend ... I slept with him once ... or twice ... I don't remember ... His name is like a cloud to me or better said , a fog ... His smile . All I remember is his smile , wide  , full of love and  always honest . And the last , but not the least . Jungkook . The only name besides mine that I know . I talked to him only once , he ran away , but I could never forget him . I am so lonely .Eliot , I am sorry for being a bad friend and for being depressed all the time . I don't think I could ever start smiling again , or maybe I will when I go completely mad -   I lived for 22 years and this is all I remember ? Tears started falling down my face . I feel nothing. I am completely numb . I want to die . 

This day actually started well , no rain , no wind . Sun shined brightly as I stared at already studied trees in the garden . Nothing really changed in the past 5 years . Garden literally stayed the same . I had time to look through every single detail in the garden . I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 5 YEARS FOR FUCK SAKE . I know every single leaf on the tree and every single hole in the ground. Suddenly , I saw a truck coming . - Elliot , look people are coming . Since , they parked their truck very close to the wall , I could see what they brought . Tools , wood , iron , shovels and a lot of other things I don't know what they are . A few people came out carrying all the thing they needed . - Look Eliot they are going to do something to our garden !!! - I yelled in surprise . They started digging little holes in the ground . They were making benches!! - Do you know what this means Eliot ? There are going to be more people around here!!! Maybe I'll see him again . Maybe I'll see Jungkook again . It's been 2 years .- 

I watched them work , talk , eat and even drink alcohol. They laughed a lot , It made me smile a little . Singing while working was one of the things I still remember that was very common in my castle . I REMEMBERED SOMETHING NEW ! - ELIOT , I HAD A NANNIE SHE USE TO SING ALL THE TIME !! Her name ... Her name is ... I don't remember ... - I started shaking , my head started aching . Tears started falling down my face and I was trembling like crazy . My knees started hurting . I felt pain after 5 years . I didn't know if I should cry of the pain I felt or because of the happiness I felt . 

Her name was Yana .