t he | b o y | i n | t h e | w a l l

something confusing

My Jimin... Sleeping tightly as always . I wonder if he can hear me - Jimin baby - he didn't move but I have a feeling he heard me .
Memories hit me like a truck . I can't forget him . I love him . That's for sure and I am going to stick with that. - Don't worry Jimin , I will do anything to bring you back.

This is the first day of my life
I was born right in that doorway
I went out in the rain
Suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

I have been singing this song for awhile now . I feel this big hole in my heart . Like I miss something. And I miss a lot . I miss my parents , even though I almost forgot everything I knew about them , I miss my friend , which I am not sure he even existed , but his eyes I still want them , I miss my nannie Yana , I miss my bedroom and I miss my home , my castle . But from all those things I miss Jungkook the most . It's bizzare how much I miss him, I met him once and he was so afraid and scared, and we didn't even talk . But something about him . Makes me want him and makes me feel so sad.
I need him.

Lisa didn't come back . I suppose she talked with her parents or with her brother . I was very sad , but I understood . It's just me and Eliot . Eliot leaves me from time to time . He doesn't want to talk to me . I started crying myself to sleep again . The process of waking up is the same . I started feeling something new . It's coldness . I have never felt it here , untill now . Cold wind passing through my body , living up my bones, shaking me like crazy ... I love it . Feeling of the cold air is making me cry sometimes .  Nostalgic me cries for the little wind . I find myself very patetic sometimes , but I can only judge myself here .

- Jimin , Jimin , Jimin ! -
I hear voices at night . Someone or something is calling me . I want to leave too , my dear , but I can't .
- Jimin baby -
The soft voice sounds so familiar . I want it more .
- Honey please wake up -
But I am awake . This is confusing but I love the voice . Talk to me more .
- Please don't leave me . I love you Jimin. -
I shivered , this was too familiar. I heard the voice started crying. Sobbing and gasping .
- I miss you Jimin -
I started crying myself too. I want to know why.