Song: Baby Don't Cut by Bmike
Trigger warning as well in this chapter,, also PSA down below at the end of this chapter so please please read that<3<3 There will also be a POV switch twords the middle and that will be Walker's POV so look out for that.
Havana's POV
My eyes shot open to hearing the phone ringing and I let out a loud groan.
"I gotta take this, it'll only be a minute V." Noah said and gave me a reassuring smile as he stepped outside. I picked up my phone as I got a head rush of all of the texts, all the abuse, I looked down at my arm to see the word fighter cut into me and I broke down.
"I can't keep fighting. I can't do this anymore." I mumbled and picked up my phone and sent a message to Ken, Rocle, Jones, Nodan, Kodan, Noah, and Walker.
Me:// if you are getting this that means that you did something in my life, saved me, killed me, showed me how to love, showed me how to hate, showed me what it was to feel love, showed me what it was to feel hate, and all inbetween. But little do you know dear reader, you also helped in murdering me. So before you actually kill me with your own hands, I am waving the white flag and calling it quits in this little game. Thank you for everything, or maybe, fuck you for all you have done, and maybe a little bit of both depending on who you are. Later Gator:):
I sent the message and cried more knowing that this is what was best for me. Knowing that this is what was expected of me. I ran up the stairs to my bathroom where I saw my best friend, my box cutter. I cried harder as I picked it up and walked out of my room and into my mothers writing cube where she had died.
"Just take away all the pain. Just take away all the bad." I mumbled through tears as I opened the razor and placed it agenst my skin.
"Just a little more pressure." I gritted through my teeth as I pushed the blade deeper into my skin to see a crimson red liquid. I started to cry harder as I traced it along my skin.
"Mom." I said and took the blade a little higher up my arm and dug it into my skin.
"Dad." I mumbled as the blade swept across my skin.
"Jones." I said as I made a new mark with the blade.
"Noah." I said and cried harder as I made another new cut.
"Nodan." Another cut.
"Kodan." Another cut.
"Kennedy." Another cut.
"Rocle." Another cut.
"Kyle." I said as my breathing picked up pace as I made my ninth cut.
"Walker." I said and cried as the blade swept across my skin for the tenth time. I dropped the blade from my hand and cried and
cried as the crimson red liquid spilled over my arms and onto my jeans and my shirt. I ran my hands through my hair looking at my arm and crying all the tears that I had. My heart felt as if it was going to beat out of my chest and then it started to slow down. My breathing went from hyperventalating to calm, and peacful. My body felt weak as I relaxed in the chair and closed my eyes.
"This is the way I am. This is the way I was. This is who I am going to be. I have finally found my peace, and I am finally at peace." I whispered as I saw a little white light, calming me and calling for me.
"I love you Walker." I whispered as my mind drifted to a far away place. A place that accepted me. A place that was nothing like this hell hole I am living in.
Walker's POV
I looked around the parking lot to see Ken and Roc getting in Rocle's pick up and they drove off twords Vana's house. Nodan looked in awe and Kodan was crying. I drove out of the parking lot and sped twords Vana's house passing Roc and Ken. With every nearing turn my stomach flipped scared of what I was going to see. I pulled up to her house to see Noah outside talking on the phone and he looked at me with hard eyes.
"Yeah I gotta go." I heard Noah say as I walked inside.
"What are you doing here. Don't you understand that she doesn't wanna see you?" Noah asked walking twords me.
"Apperently you didn't get the text because she is now probably dead because you are a horrible babysitter." I mumbled as I stormed up stairs openening every door that was shut. The girls followed me up and was yelling her name hoping for an answer.
"She's not up here." I mumbled as both girls looked shocked.
"MOM!" Rocle yelled as she jumped down the stairs and ran twords the back part of the house twords the writing cube, sound box and art room.
"She told me that she has always wanted to die closer to her mother so if she had a place to pick it would be the cube." Rocle explained as we all ran twords the cube. The double doors were closed making my stomach turn. Both girls looked at me with tears in their eyes as I grabbed the door handle. I opened it ever so slowly and gasped to see Vana in her mothers chair covered in blood.
"VANA!" I yelled as I ran to her in the chair and my heart was gutting it.
"SOMEONE CALL 911" I yelled as Rocle pulled out her phone and walked out of the room and Ken collapsed on the ground crying.
"Babygirl listen to me." I said as I picked up Vana and placed her on the floor.
"Babygirl are you there?" I asked my voice cracking.
"C'mon babygirl. You can't leave me." I said my voice breaking with every word.
"C'mon Vana. You gotta give me a sign or something. Please do something so I know that you are there." I said as my eyes pooled with tears. But I was too late. I heard the sirens but they were to late. We all were to late.
"Vana please." I chocked out as I cried into her chest.
"Please. I love you. Please." I whispered as I cried into her chest trying to steady my breathing.
"Please." I mumbled waiting for something. But I got nothing.
**SUICIDE IS NEVER THE OPTION** Please please please please please please please don't ever think that you are never good enough because trust me you are perfect in every way. Don't ever listen to anyone when they say that you are never enough because listen to me, you are perfect just the way you are and I love you for you. And I am proud of you for you. If you ever think that cutting, overdosing, or anything like that is the option, not even close. You are here for a reason and there are so many better things you can do. Go talk to someone, I mean my messages are always open on here, my instagram is @Sarah.Orawe and my snapchat is @Sarah.Orawe and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that you don't really know, maybe it isn't I don't know. Just please please please, there is a better option then suicide. I will put the suicide hot line down below if you ever need to talk to one of them, and you already have my stuff but I will put that stuff down below as well. Please please please, there is always a better option. I love you, you should love yourself, you are loved. Forever and always
~sarah
My Instagram and Snapchat
@Sarah.Orawe
Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Please don't be afraid to text me or call this number, we are all here for you no matter what<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Untill next time, Peace
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